Tag Archives: girlfriend

He Pooped.

My girlfriend has a dog. That means I have a dog. Dogs are awesome but they are a lot of responsibility. You have to feed them, give them water, take them for walks, and pick up their shit when they poop in public. And you have to do all that every single day. That dog has become a big part of my life. I realized this when I was texting my girlfriend and my phone auto filled He pooped along with the poop emoji. Every third or fourth text seems to be about if he did or didn’t poop. And sometimes there’s a follow up report if he pooped like He pooped twice! Or He pooped but it was runny. I don’t mind. I love the little bastard. But I talk about his poop way more than I should. 

Critically Rated at 9/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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That’s Right, I’m Never Wrong

I was having a casual argument with my girlfriend the other night (the kind where you bicker back and forth mostly out of boredom rather than anger), and I finally caved in and relented, giving her the victory and telling her that she was right. She responded by saying, “That’s right, I’m never wrong.” I responded by laughing and writing that down. That’s right, I’m never wrong. It has a certain poetry to it. It’s certainly a paradox. It’s a contradictory statement that’s both false and true. I’ve dubbed it the girlfriend paradox because she doesn’t have to be right in order to win the argument.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

6-couple-arguing-de

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Your Friend’s Attractive Girlfriend

Everyone has one friend with a really hot girlfriend. Like way hot. And everyone secretly wonders how he got her. Because she’s so hot. And she’s funny. And she’s smart. And she laughs at your jokes. And you think that she kinda likes you. And that maybe you should ask her out. And then you remember that she’s your friend’s girlfriend and you feel like a douchebag. She’s just so hot though. God dammit. Your friend’s attractive girlfriend is like artwork in a museum. You can look, but you can’t touch. Only make sure that your friend doesn’t catch you looking and have an excuse ready if he does.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Your Friend’s Annoying Girlfriend

You’re bored and have the day off, so you start going through your contacts looking for someone to hang out with. You come across the number of a friend that you haven’t seen in a while, and you’re about to call him when you suddenly remember his annoying girlfriend and you realize you’d rather stay home on a Saturday night than deal with her bitch ass. Everybody has a good friend that they don’t ever want to hang out with because of his lame girlfriend who can’t keep her mouth shut. She will constantly start bullshit arguments with you, and she expects her boyfriend to take her side (and he does, because pussy does that to you). She always has to interject and voice her opinion about something she doesn’t know anything about. You just want to grab a brew, watch the game, and catch up, but she’s intent on destroying your friendship for some twisted reason that’s known only to her. Most of your friends have cool girlfriends, but there’s always one Super Cunt who has a life ambition to prevent people from having fun. You wonder what your friend sees in her. Then you notice her rack. That’s why.

Critically Rated at 4/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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