You’re getting ready to go out and you’re throwing together an outfit, and you bust out a pair of shoes that were buried in the back of your closet. They look clean, they fit perfectly, and you can’t remember why you stashed them away. You put them on and they compliment your attire perfectly, so you head out the door for a night on the town. Somewhere in between bars, you’ll notice an odd squeaking sound that’s following you. And you’ll eventually realize that the sound is coming from your feet and that you’re wearing squeaky shoes. That’s why you ditched them in the closet in the first place. Squeaky shoes are embarrassing. Each step is a reminder that your kicks are wrong. You won’t notice the noise at first, but you can’t ignore it once you’ve heard it. There’s not much that you can do with squeaky shoes. You can try tying the laces tighter, you can try wearing thicker socks, or you can try going to louder places where nobody can hear your footwear. But you can never hide from the truth. Your shoes squeak and you are a lesser person because of them.
Critically Rated at 5/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young