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Batman Chucks

I skate around the city as my primary form of transportation. It wears out my shoes pretty quickly. My last pair of shoes got holes in the soles and I was about to buy some new ones until I remembered that I had a pair of Converse Chuck Taylor All Stars that I’ve only worn once sitting in the back of my closet. They aren’t your standard Chuck Taylors. They are Batman Chucks. They are black with yellow Batman symbols all over them. I’ve only worn them once before because they are so loud. They scream at you. They demand attention. 

I didn’t want to waste my money on a new pair of shoes when I had a perfectly good pair already in my possession. So I put them on and I’ve been rocking them for over two weeks now. My girlfriend hates them, but most people love them. I’ve gotten a lot of compliments from random strangers. She hates that even more. My life has changed for the better since I’ve started wearing my Batman Chucks. I’d recommend for everyone to try them at least once but I don’t want you to steal my style.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

Some Fine Lookin’ Shoes

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Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice

I finally got around to seeing Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice last night. I’m slacking, I know. It’s the sequel to 2013’s Man of Steel and Zack Snyder returns to direct, while Henry Cavill, Amy Adams, Laurence Fishburne, and Diane Lane reprise their roles as Superman, Lois Lane, Perry White, and Martha Kent respectively. New to the series is Ben Affleck as Batman/Bruce Wayne, Jesse Eisenberg as Lex Luthor, Jeremy Irons as Alfred Pennyworth, and Gal Gadot as Wonder Woman/Diana Prince. It’s also the feature film debut of Aquaman, Cyborg, and the Flash but they only appear for a few moments on screen. Even though it’s a sequel to Man of Steel, Superman takes a backseat to Batman in this movie. There are more heroes and villains and bigger action sequences, but the film seems like a step backward. It wasn’t fun. It wasn’t exciting. It was pretty disappointing.

The film was too bleak. It’s supposed to be a comic book movie. They were trying to capture the gritty realism of The Dark Knight but the studio doesn’t seem to realize that Superman is not dark and gritty. Wonder Woman is not dark and gritty. Lex Luthor is not dark and gritty. It should have been more campy and upbeat. There were hardly any jokes or humor. It wasn’t fun. Comic book movies should be fun. The action sequences were bigger than the ones in Man of Steel, but the action wasn’t as good. Snyder likes to speed up and slow down the action and that worked really well in Man of Steel because it captured the power of Superman. It made him seem unworldly and godlike. You don’t get that feeling in Dawn of Justice. Superman isn’t as impressive. It feels tired.

It’s not a terrible movie, but it did not live up to the hype. The plot was meh. The characters were meh. The acting was meh. Like Jesse Eisenberg as Lex Luthor? Lex Luthor is one of the most formidable villains in the DC Universe. Jesse Eisenberg is not formidable in the slightest. It’s like casting a pug to play Cujo. It doesn’t work and it brings down the film’s integrity. DC and Warner Bros. were using this flick as their foundation for their Justice League franchise. There are a lot of cracks. Doesn’t seem like Marvel has much to worry about competition wise.

Critically Rated at 10/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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City of Scars (fan film)

City of Scars is a 2010 independent fan film based on Batman, and it’s actually pretty damn good. It’s a Batman movie made by Batman fans for Batman fans. Writer/director/producer Aaron Schoenke perfectly captures the gritty tone of Gotham City as Batman wonders if his crime fighting methods are making things worse in Gotham whilst on a mission to save a kidnapped boy from the clutches of the Joker. Kevin Porter plays Bruce Wayne/Batman and he’s as good or better than George Clooney. A guy named Paul Molnar plays the Joker and he does a decent job, but he’s not intimidating enough. There are a couple of DC character cameos that most fanboys would appreciate like Harley Quinn and Black Canary. Any genuine Batman fan will be a fan of this short film. It’s only 30 minutes long, and there are some cool fight scenes and special effects. It’s pretty impressive for only having a budget of $27,000. You can find it on YouTube, that’s where I stumbled upon it.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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The Noble Collection Holiday Catalog

A few years ago I bought my sister a replica of Dumbledore’s wand for Christmas, and it was one of the best things that I’ve ever done because now I get The Noble Collection Holiday Catalog delivered in the mail every November. It’s basically a catalog for movie nerds. They have replicas of props from all the movies you geek out over. Do you like The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings? Well then maybe you would enjoy an Illuminating Gandalf Staff for $159, or maybe the Pipe of Bilbo Baggins for only $69 (and it says it’s fully functional). They have a bunch of stuff from The Dark Knight trilogy as well. You can get a Folding Batarang Money Clip in either bronze or flat black for $39. $395 will get you a full-sized Batman Cowl or Bane Mask… I’m not sure you could actually wear them, but I’d love to find out.

The catalog also has a few other items like a Throne Bookend from Game of Thrones, The Green Power Lantern from The Green Lantern, and the Golden Compass from The Golden Compass. But the main reason why I get excited when the Holiday Catalog finally comes is for all their Harry Potter merchandise. They have about fifty wands from fifty different characters. They even sell fancy wand displays so you can display all your fancy wands. Almost every cool Harry Potter prop is available for sale. You can buy the Sword of Gryffindor, the Marauder’s Map, Tom Riddle’s Diary, the Sorcerer’s Stone, even a goddamned Firebolt. You might think that spending $295 on a broom is excessive, but it’s a fucking Firebolt! It’s the fastest broom there is. You’d be an idiot not to buy it. I know I’m not supposed to waste money on frivolous things, but it’s hard not to with The Noble Collection Holiday Catalog.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Batkid

The world is a depressing place. Every time you turn on the TV you are bombarded by bad news. You see images of war, death, disease, and destruction on every major news channel. But every now and then, an inspirational story captures the public’s attention. November 15, 2013 was one of those days. That’s when we got to meet five-year-old Miles Scott, a.k.a. Batkid, a hero in every sense of the word. He has fought cancer and now he fights crime thanks to the Make-A-Wish Foundation and the city of San Francisco.

You would be hard-pressed to find a story as heartwarming as this. A terminally-ill child wished to be a superhero, and thousands of strangers and a major city rose to the occasion, the ultimate game of make believe. San Francisco was transformed into Gotham City for a day as Batkid saved damsels in distress, baseball mascots, and apprehended major villains like the Penguin and the Riddler. Thousands of strangers gathered in the streets to cheer him on, and millions more followed the live Twitter feed. The whole world was soon voicing their support for Batkid and San Francisco. Even Barrack Obama had to comment on the phenomenon.

Miles Scott may never know the significance of what he’s done. He briefly united the world and made it a better place. And that’s the sign of a true superhero. I’m so proud of my city and everyone who supported Batkid and the Make-A-Wish Foundation. It’s no small feat to restore faith in humanity.

Critically Rated at 17/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Batman R.I.P. (comic)

Batman R.I.P. is a comic book arc written by Grant Morrison with art by Tony Daniel and covers by Alex Ross. It was first published in Batman #676-681 and it’s hard to write about because it’s so hard to read. This is very layered story. There are a lot of things going on and you will be lost if this is the first Batman comic that you’ve ever read. It’s not for beginners. The basic plot outline involves a group of villains called the Black Glove trying to destroy Batman by breaking his mind. They cause Bruce Wayne to lose his sanity, but the world’s greatest detective is prepared for everything. He’s not going to let a little case of the crazies get in the way of justice.

Grant Morrison had been planting the seeds for months in earlier issues and it’s nice to see how he ties things together. The story is much bigger than this one arc and spills over in Final Crisis and other DC titles. It’s a very good Batman story, but I wouldn’t call it a masterpiece. A classic maybe, but not a masterpiece.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Ben Affleck

It’s fun to make fun of Ben Affleck. It’s easy too. But the internet is freaking out about the fact that he’s going to play Batman/Bruce Wayne in the Man of Steel sequel. There are a million reasons why he would suck, but there are also a million reasons why he would be great. And the internet would freak out no matter who was cast as Batman. It doesn’t really matter. People keep forgetting that this isn’t a Batman movie… It’s a Superman movie. There’s no doubt that Batman will need a decent amount of screen time, but the hero of the movie will inevitably be Superman. Plus there will be another villain that they must team up against, so Batman’s screen time will be limited.

Ben Affleck has had an interesting career. He was a child actor who managed to survive Hollywood. He broke onto the scene in cult classics like Dazed and Confused and Chasing Amy, and saved the world in Armageddon. And then he appeared in a bunch of flops like Daredevil and Gigli and Paycheck. His career seemed to stall, but then he took control of his future and started writing and directing. Personal projects like The Town and Argo got his career back on track, and he deserves to be given a second chance. Or third chance. I can’t remember how many times we need to forgive him.

The internet also freaked out in 2006 when Heath Ledger was announced as the new Joker. There was no way that pretty boy Heath Ledger could portray such a dark, sinister, and nuanced character. He pulled off the performance of a lifetime, but he died before The Dark Knight came out in theaters. He went to his grave thinking that the internet/the world hated his performance even though they hadn’t seen it yet. People say it was the role that killed him, but I think it was us. Let’s not kill Ben Affleck. Kevin Smith, his buddy and Batman aficionado, will keep him in line. Ben Affleck will never be considered a great actor. But he’s still a good one, so give him a chance and quit bitching that he’s the new Batman. You know you’re going to see that movie anyway.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Ranking the Batman Movies

Batman has graced the big screen multiple times over the years. Some versions are light and campy, some versions are dark and gritty, and some of them are simply disappointing. I’ll attempt to Critically Rate the Batman films, but keep in mind that these are my opinions. You can disagree with me all you want… You’ll be wrong, but you can still disagree with me. Here is my list ranking the Batman movies from worst to best.

#8: Batman & Robin was director Joel Schumacher’s second Batman film, and was the first and only time that George Clooney played the Caped Crusader. This was the film that introduced us to Batgirl and to Batnipples. It was an awful film and effectively killed the franchise until Christopher Nolan rebooted it 8 years later. It suffered from a terrible story and from action scenes that only existed to sell toys. And Arnold Schwarzenegger delivers some of the worst ice-related puns in cinematic history.

#7: Batman was a 1966 movie based on the ‘60s TV show. It’s super campy, but that’s what it was trying to be. Adam West plays Batman, Burt Ward plays Robin, and together they take on the Joker, the Riddler, Penguin, and Catwoman. They also fight an obviously fake shark at one point. This is the one where it says BAM! and POW! and WHAM! every time Batman punches somebody. It’s safe to say that it put comic book movies back a few decades.

#6: Batman Begins marked the successful return of Batman to the big screen after the fiasco that was Batman & Robin. It was a critical and financial success, and it depicted a more realistic Batman. Too bad this movie sucked. Christian Bale is a bad Batman. He plays a decent Bruce Wayne, but he’s a terrible Batman. His stupid fucking Batman voice ruins the movie. The action scenes were chaotic and poorly choreographed. You can’t see what is going on. I paid good money to watch Batman punch people, and it looked like Michael J. Fox was the cameraman. Everything is shaky and out of focus. And they ruined the Batmobile. Christopher Nolan was trying to bring Batman to the real world, but superheroes have no place in the real world.

#5: Batman Forever was a turning point in the franchise. It’s gritty, it’s campy, it’s very ‘90s. Joel Schumacher took over for Tim Burton, Val Kilmer took over for Michael Keaton, and Chris O’Donnell was brought in to play Robin. Tommy Lee Jones and Jim Carrey play Two-Face and the Riddler and they were both horribly miscast. Batman Forever is a step in the wrong direction, but it’s still a guilty pleasure for a lot of Batman fans.

#4: The Dark Knight Rises was the final chapter of Christopher Nolan’s trilogy. It was a satisfying conclusion, but was ultimately a letdown because The Dark Knight was so much better. The movie suffers from a lot of plot holes and poor execution, not to mention a villain with an unintelligible accent. And the nuke at the end would have caused radiation and cancer in Gotham City. So the citizens wouldn’t die instantly, they would die slowly and painfully. Good job, Batman.

#3 Batman Returns was the first Batman sequel. Tim Burton and Michael Keaton were reunited from their smash 1989 film, and it was a very satisfying follow-up. It’s defiantly Tim Burton’s Batman, it has a dark and dreamlike quality. He takes a lot of liberties with the source material, and some people hate the movie because of that. But the film is redeemed because it has the best villain lineup out of all the movies. Danny DeVito is the terrifying and creepy Penguin. Michelle Pfeiffer is the deadly and seductive Catwoman. And Christopher Walken plays the corrupt and powerful Max Shreck.

#2: The Dark Knight would be at the top of most people’s Batman movie list because most people are sheep. It’s a very solid movie, there’s no denying that. Heath Ledger did an amazing job playing the Joker. But everyone else is just kind of so-so. Christian Bale keeps using that stupid fucking voice, Maggie Gyllenhaal replaces Katie Holmes as Rachel Dawson and drags the film down every time she’s on screen, and Aaron Eckhart is mediocre as Harvey Dent/Two-Face. There were some cool action scenes, but this movie was mostly a huge success because Heath Ledger died and people wanted to see the movie that killed him. It’s a really good film, but it’s not as amazing as everyone pretends it is. The opening scene is the highlight of the film, a great IMAX sequence that introduces us to the Joker. But it’s a Batman movie and they don’t even give Batman the IMAX treatment when he first appears on screen. It seems kind of backwards to me, but what do I know?

#1: The best Batman movie to date is Tim Burton’s Batman. This was the first gritty version of Batman to hit the big screen. They took a risk by casting Michael Keaton as Batman, but it paid off and he’s still the best Batman/Bruce Wayne to date. Jack Nicholson is an excellent Joker and is disturbingly maniacal despite his exaggerated performance. It’s kind of dated now (mostly because of Prince’s soundtrack), but it still holds up. If this movie flopped, they wouldn’t have made any more Batman movies. It effectively saved superhero movies, and for that reason alone it deserves the top spot on this list.

So that’s my list. I hope you agree with it. Let me know if you don’t.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Batman: Whatever Happened to the Caped Crusader? (comic)

Neil Gaiman is a great writer and he knows how to write comic books. Batman is one of the best comic book characters of all time. And when you combine a great comic book writer with a great comic book character, you get a great comic book. Whatever Happened to the Caped Crusader? is about the death of Batman, narrated by a disembodied Batman who is watching his own funeral. The story begins with Batman in a coffin and notable people in his life arriving to pay their last respects. Batman’s friends and allies sit side by side with his enemies and foes, and they each tell their story about the life and death of Batman. But their stories conflict and contradict each other. Batman dies in different ways depending on who is talking. Batman slowly comes to realize that he is having a near death experience, and that’s not even the main twist. This is a very important Batman comic, and a very short read. There’s no excuse for not reading it, especially if you consider yourself a Batman fan. The trade paperback even includes a few other short Batman comics as a bonus. Whatever Happened to the Caped Crusader? isn’t the best Batman Comic of all time, but I would put it somewhere in the top twenty.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth (comic)

Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth is a Batman graphic novel written by Grant Morrison with art by Dave McKean. Most Batman comics are detective stories, but this one is more like a horror story. It’s April Fools Day and the Joker has taken over Arkham Asylum and threatens to kill staff members unless Batman shows up. Batman is a little reluctant to go because he’s worried that he might actually be crazy and going to Arkham would be like going home. But Batman goes anyway because he’s Batman and that’s what he does. Once he’s there, the Joker gives him a chance to escape the asylum, but it’s kind of hard because all the inmates are loose. The Batman has to fight foes like Two-Face, Killer Croc, the Scarecrow, Clayface, and a few others in order to survive. But he’s also battling his inner demons too, so there are internal and external conflicts going on.

The story is pretty solid but Dave McKean’s art takes it to a new level. It’s very dark, gothic, and chilling. It’s the perfect style for a story that takes place in a prison for crazy people. It’s also important how the words look on the page. Lettering is one of the most underrated and often overlooked aspects of comics. Letterer Gaspar Saldino’s work is definitely noticeable in this comic. He gave each character a distinctive font that matches their personality. It’s hard to put down this comic. It’s one of the most visually exciting comic book experiences that you will ever have. You’re not a Batman fan if you’ve never read this book.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Batman: Hush (comic)

Jeph Loeb’s story has everything that you like about Batman. If you like Batman, you’ll like Hush. A mysterious villain (who calls himself Hush) is playing a game with Batman, a game of sabotage and revenge. Hush manipulates and uses some of Batman’s greatest enemies to try to destroy Batman once and for all. Batman has to figure out who is trying to kill him and why before he ends up dead. And he doesn’t wanna die because he just started hooking up with Catwoman and she’s kind of hot.

So someone is trying to kill Batman, someone who knows his secret identity, his strengths, his weaknesses, how he thinks. Someone who wants him to suffer. Someone from his past. But Batman’s pissed off a lot of people, so there are a lot of suspects. One of the main themes of the book is family. Bruce Wayne is an orphan, but he still has a family. Catwoman points out that he has a lot of strings for a loner. He has attachments to Nightwing, Robin, Oracle, Huntress, Jim Gordon… Bruce Wayne has a lot of attachments too: Alfred, Leslie Thompkins, Thomas Elliot (his best friend since childhood). He is far from alone.

Jeph Loeb knows how to tell a good story. There are a lot of familiar characters, a semi-original plot, and more twists than an M. Night Shyamalan movie. Jim Lee’s sketches are gritty, provocative, and larger than life, and Scott Williams brings them to life with his inkwork. This is a good solid Batman comic, satisfying and rich.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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DC vs. Marvel (comic)

Have you ever wondered what would happen if the greatest, most powerful heroes and villains from the DC and Marvel Universes met? How awesome would that be? Well, it already happened in 1996, so you missed out. But you can relive the past and pick up DC vs. Marvel and see the two worlds collide.

There is actually a pretty coherent storyline. Writers Ron Marz and Peter David are able brings some of the biggest characters from two rival companies together in a comprehensive way. So back in the day, these two brothers/entities were controlling their own separate universes, until they learned of each other’s existence. One brother is the DC Universe, and the other represents the Marvel Universe. They decide to have a battle between their top superheroes to determine which universe will be destroyed.

Each separate universe starts to be aware that something weird is happening when heroes and villains start vanishing in a flash of light, and new, different masks start showing up. A young man named Axel Asher finds himself inexplicably drawn to an alley where a crazy homeless guy is trying desperately to keep an inter-dimensional gateway contained in a cardboard box. Axel is the Access, and he just might be the key to solving the crisis if he ever accepts his destiny.

6 Marvel characters are chosen to fight 6 DC characters in one-on-one battles to determine the mightier universe. There are some really obvious fights between similarly powered characters like Aquaman vs. Namor, Wolverine vs. Lobo, and Flash vs. Quicksilver. There are also weird, random fights like Robin vs. Jubilee and Superboy vs. Spider-man. Elektra fights Catwoman, the Green Lantern and Silver Surfer duke it out in space, Wonder Woman somehow loses to Storm, Batman and Captain America are pretty evenly matched, and Superman barely beats the Hulk into submission.

Instead of one universe getting destroyed, the Spectre and the Living Tribunal are able to temporarily merge the two universes together. This buys them some time, and has the awesome bonus of creating hybrid superheroes like Dark Claw (a mixture of Batman and Wolverine) and Super-Soldier (Superman and Captain America’s lovechild).

Access finally gets his shit together and it able to separate the merged universe back to the two separate ones. He gets a little assistance from Batman and Captain America to end the Space Brothers’ hissy fit. And now the two universes can co-exist and life is good.

Yeah, there’s a lot of nonsense about two brother universes using magic humans to end a cosmic dispute, but once you get past that you can appreciate the story. What if the superhero you depended on was powerless to stop the end of the world? What if that superhero vanished and was replaced by a stranger in tights? What if you are a superhero and you can’t simply punch your way to victory?

The art is awesome. The panels spill over into each other, they overlap, it feels very fluid. Dan Jurgens and Claudio Castellini’s drawings are bold and powerful. And it’s pretty cool to see the Hulk and Superman exchanging blows in the desert.

There are a lot of characters to keep track of, but it doesn’t slow down the momentum of the story. If you like DC, it’s worth checking out. If you like Marvel, it’s worth checking out. If you like comics, then you should have read this already. You’re slacking.

Critically Rated at 13/17

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Batman: Haunted Knight

Jeph Loeb and Tim Sale are reunited yet again for another Batman graphic novel. Haunted Knight is actually a collection of three short stories, all of which take place on Halloween night. The title is a pun, he’s a haunted knight and the stories take place on a haunted night. That’s clever; see what they did there?

The first story is called Fears and it’s about Batman facing his fears. He has a showdown with the Scarecrow and gets trapped in a giant corn maze and he almost goes crazy. But then he doesn’t and he escapes the maze because he’s the goddamn Batman.

The second story is called Madness. The Mad Hatter kidnaps James Gordon’s adopted daughter. The Mad Hatter has a twisted tea party with kidnapped kids and it’s up to Batman to stop the madness. There’s a parallel storyline involving a young Bruce Wayne and his pre-murdered mama reading Alice in Wonderland to him on a rainy day.

Ghosts is the final story and it’s a spin on A Christmas Carol. Bruce Wayne gets visited by the ghost of Halloween past (she looks like Poison Ivy), the ghost of Halloween present (he looks like the Joker), and the ghost of Halloween yet-to-be (and this ghost is a dead, decomposed Batman). The ghosts teach Bruce not to let Batman take over his life.

There is no sense of continuity between the stories. In fact, you’re not even sure when they take place. It must take place after the events of The Long Halloween storyline because Two-Face is referenced, but before Dark Victory because there is no mention of Robin. And they take place over three years because there are three Halloweens and there’s only one Halloween per year. I might have to double-check my math, but I’m pretty sure I’m right.

The Long Halloween is awesome. Dark Victory is still good, but not as great as The Long Halloween. Haunted Knight is just lazy. Loeb and Sale make great comics, but even they are susceptible to making shitty ones. This is their Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. You wanted to like it, you tried to like it, but they did everything they could to fuck it up and they succeeded in making it suck. It’s not terribly bad. It’s just soul-crushingly disappointing. There are a million better stories out there, and this collection is not necessary.

Critically Rated at 9/17

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Batman: Dark Victory

Jeph Loeb and Tim Sale reunite for the sequel to Batman: The Long Halloween. Both The Long Halloween and Dark Victory take place in the same canon as Frank Miller’s Batman: Year One. Gotham City is in the midst of a transition from crime families to masked freaks taking over the criminal underworld. To make matters worse, a new serial killer is in town, and he’s targeting cops. If that wasn’t enough, Bruce Wayne takes in a young orphaned circus acrobat named Dick Grayson.

The story picks up a few months after the events of The Long Halloween. There’s a new district attorney called Janice Porter, Sofia Gigante has taken over the Falcone Crime Family, Batman and James Gordon are still distraught over the whole Harvey Dent-turning-into-Two-Face incident, and a mass breakout at Arkham Asylum only makes matters worse. Not only does Batman have to deal with the warring crime families, but there’s a whole bunch of villainous freaks that he has to contend with too.

Alberto Falcone a.k.a. the Holiday killer is released and allowed to serve the remainder of his sentence in house arrest under the supervision of his brother, Mario. Alberto starts to hear the voice of his dead father telling him to return to his murderous ways and become Holiday again.

Shortly after Alberto’s release, Gotham City cops start being killed on a holiday each month. The killer leaves behind a hangman riddle on it, and the riddle is always on a document associated with Harvey Dent.

Naturally there are two main suspects as to who the Hangman killer is. It is either Harvey Dent, because everything is related to him, or it could be Alberto Falcone, because all the murders are happening on holidays. Or it could be someone else entirely. Just saying.

The personal lives of the main characters are shattered. Bruce Wayne/Batman is more isolated and alone than ever before. James Gordon has been promoted to Commissioner but at the expense of his marriage. Both men miss their friend Harvey Dent and still feel betrayed by him.

While dealing with a mafia war and a bunch of freaks, Bruce still finds time to go to the circus. But it’s not a fun night because a gangster ends up killing two trapeze artists to send a message to the circus owner; in the process Dick Grayson ends up orphaned. Bruce Wayne takes him in because he feels responsible, obligated, inclined, whatever, to take care of this young kid and teach him to hate the world and fight crime in an elaborate costume.

This comic feels like a continuation of The Long Halloween in a lot of ways. The plot is very similar. A guy is killing people on holidays and Batman has to find out who, and at the same time he has to deal with gangsters and mobsters and villainous freaks. The twist is that this time, the killer is killing cops and not mobsters. And then they tacked on a Robin origin story to spice things up.

Batman has to decide which side Catwoman is on and if she’s trustworthy again. He has to fight the Joker again. He has issues with Two-Face again.  The Scarecrow shows up. And Solomon Grundy. And the Calendar Man. And the Riddler. And a few more. It’s easy to mix up plot points between The Long Halloween and this story. It doesn’t feel as much like a continuation as much as a rehash. It’s good, but it’s not as good and nowhere as original. It’s worth reading. It’s not the best Batman story, but it’s one of the better ones.

Critically Rated at 13/17

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Batman: The Long Halloween (comic)

The Long Halloween is a semi-sequel to Frank Miller’s Batman: Year One. Writer Jeph Loeb continues the tale of a Gotham City that is still partly controlled by mobsters and gangsters, but more and more crazy Batman villains are starting to make their voices heard. A serial killer is slowly killing off members or the Falcone crime family on holidays and Batman has to find out why. He enters a crime fighting pact with Police Captain James Gordon and the new district attorney, Harvey Dent. Over the course of the 13 issues, Harvey Dent transitions himself from a moral and upstanding person to a psychotic villain known as Two-Face. If that spoiled anything for you, I’m not fucking sorry. Everyone knows that Harvey Dent becomes Two-Face.

A notorious mobster named Carmine “The Roman” Falcone tries to get Bruce Wayne to get the Gotham City Bank to launder money. This sets off a chain of events where Batman starts to investigate that Falcone family, allying with James Gordon and Harvey Dent in an attempt to stop organized crime in Gotham.

On Halloween, Jonny Viti (The Roman’s nephew) is shot and killed by an unknown assassin. Each month the killer returns to wipe out another mobster on a holiday, each victim is associated with the Falcones.

Batman, Gordon, and Harvey Dent become intent on catching the killer, who they start referring to as Holiday. Catwoman is constantly spying on Batman and always seems to be present when he’s meeting with Gordon and Dent, or whenever he’s creeping around at nighttime doing his Batman duties. Haha, Batman doodies. Batman’s not sure which side she is on, but he’s got bigger fish to fry.

Harvey Dent finds a link between the Falcone family and the Wayne family that results in Bruce Wayne getting arrested. That puts a slight damper on Batman’s relationship with Harvey Dent.

The crime war between the Falcones and their rivals, the Maronis reaches the point where Maroni agrees to testify against The Roman. Instead of a damning testimony, he hurls acid into Harvey Dent’s face. And Harvey Dent goes crazy and becomes Two-Face.

So now Batman has a new crazy villain to deal with and he still has to find out who the Holiday killer is. And there are a lot of suspects. And there’s a twist so brace yourselves.

Not only does Batman have to deal with the Falcone mobsters and the Maroni mobsters, but there’s a virtual who’s who of Batman villains that make appearances. Catwoman, the Joker, Two-Face, the Calendar Man, Solomon Grundy, the Scarecrow, the Riddler, the Mad Hatter, and Poison Ivy all show up. Even though there are a few sideshows, the main storyline is tight and focused. Just sit back and enjoy where the story takes you.

Tim Sale’s artwork is gorgeous. Loeb and Sale worked together for a few projects; this is one of their better collaborative efforts (check out Superman for All Seasons for a good Superman read).

If you’ve seen any of Christopher Nolan’s Batman trilogy (and I’m assuming you have, because who hasn’t?), then you will notice a lot of things that the movies took from this comic, especially in The Dark Knight. This story is better than The Dark Knight. It’s a murder mystery that can only be solved by the world’s greatest detective and he dresses up like a bat when it’s dark outside.

This is one of the best Batman stories ever. And one of the best comic book stories ever. It’s just a great story period. So read it.

Critically Rated at 15/17

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The Dark Knight

The Dark Knight is the second film in Christopher Nolan’s Batman trilogy. It’s also the first Batman movie that doesn’t have Batman in the title. There’s your random fact for the day. Christian Bale returns as the Batman/Bruce Wayne, and Aaron Eckhart and Heath Ledger join the cast as Harvey Dent and the Joker. This might be the best comic book movie to date.

Less than a year after the events of Batman Begins, The Batman has become a symbol to the citizens of Gotham, inspiring less-than-qualified Batman wannabes to don Batarmor and fight crime. The different gangs and mobsters are afraid of the Batman. A new villain called the Joker has showed up in Gotham City and he knows how to wreak some havoc. He stages an elaborate bank heist at a mob-controlled bank and the criminal underworld starts to take notice of this wacko with clown makeup.

Batman and Lieutenant James Gordon (Gary Oldman) are still having a fun time rounding up mobsters and cleaning up the streets. After one fight involving the Scarecrow (Cillian Murphy) and some vicious dogs, Batman upgrades his Batsuit. Bruce Wayne’s personal life isn’t going so well. The love of his life Rachel Dawson is currently in a relationship with Harvey Dent. And she used to look like Katie Holmes but now she looks like Maggie Gyllenhaal. Times are tough all around. Bruce begins to get over his disdain for Harvey Dent because he realizes that Harvey’s image can save Gotham.

The Joker begins taking over the various mobs one by one. He starts causing more and more chaos. He threatens to kill a civilian each day until Batman reveals his true identity. He targets a judge, the police commissioner and Harvey Dent. The judge and police commissioner both die, but Batman saves Harvey from the Joker. One out of three isn’t too bad but this is saving lives, not baseball.

The Joker does more bad things, like almost killing the mayor, shooting RPGs at Harvey Dent and cop cars, kidnapping Harvey and Rachel and making Batman choose which one to save, and making Harvey Dent go crazy and become Two-Face.

He also blows up a hospital too, because, hey, why not?

Two-Face blames Batman and the newly promoted Commissioner Gordon for ruining his life. He’s ok with the Joker because his coin said he was cool I guess. He’s out for revenge and wants Gordon to feel his pain.

The Joker rigs two ferries with bombs. One ferry is filled with civilians; the other is filled with inmates from Arkham. Each ferry has a detonator to make the other ferry explode and they have a choice to blow up the other ferry first, or both ferries will blow up at midnight. While the ferry occupants are busy philosophizing the morality of murdering others to save themselves, Batman is busy tracking down and then beating up the Joker. Two-Face is busy with trying to ruin Gordon’s life while all this is going on. It’s a very busy climax. There’s a lot going on.

It ends with Batman taking the blame for Harvey Dent/Two-Face’s crimes. Batman and Gordon decide that it’s more important to preserve Harvey Dent as a symbol of hope. The Joker was out to prove that even the best person can become corrupted and evil. The Joker was right, the Joker won. But Batman cheated and took the blame. That’s not a happy ending. They basically are saying fuck the truth and let the sheep live a lie.

The Joker is one of the most iconic and notorious villains of all time. Heath Ledger steals the movie. Too bad he had to go and die. That was kind of selfish if you ask me. There’s one line that bugs me though, “Do I really look like a guy with a plan?” Yes. Yes, you do. The Joker has a lot of elaborate schemes. He had to plan it out. You can’t just improvise a bank like in the opening sequence. He manipulated Harvey Dent and twisted his mind and essentially made him his puppet. So he can rant all he wants to about how doesn’t have a plan or that he’s not a schemer, but he’s definitely a planning schemer.

Christopher Nolan created a masterpiece. This is a movie about a tortured guy facing agonizing decisions. He just dresses up like a bat and punches bad guys under the cover of darkness. Christian Bale does a great job as Bruce Wayne, but I still hate his Batman voice. Aaron Eckhart is decent as Harvey Dent but he’s nothing spectacular. Heath Ledger’s performance makes The Dark Knight a classic. If you only see one Batman movie in your life, you should see the Adam West version, but if you see two, this should be one of them.

Critically Rated at 15/17

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The Dark Knight Rises

Christopher Nolan’s Batman trilogy reaches its stunning conclusion in The Dark Knight Rises. Batman has been MIA for eight years and Gotham City needs a hero. A new villain named Bain wants to destroy Gotham and Batman can have none of that nonsense. The Dark Knight must rise to the occasion. Christian Bale returns as Batman/Bruce Wayne, and Morgan Freeman, Michael Caine, and Gary Oldman reprise their characters. Joining the cast is Anne Hathaway as Catwoman/Selina Kyle, Tom Hardy as Bane, Marion Cotillard as Miranda Tate, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt as John Blake.

The movie begins 8 years after the events of the second movie. Batman has been retired and Bruce Wayne is a recluse. A terrorist with a terrifying mask and a shady past is bent on terrorizing Gotham with acts of terror to terrify the citizens. Tom Hardy plays Bane and he is a badass. He is evil personified. He is super strong and super smart and super evil. And he’s got a grudge against Batman.

Bruce Wayne has neglected Wayne Enterprises and himself. Everything in his life is in shambles, he’s lost track of who he is. One day he stumbles across a cat burglar (Anne Hathaway) stealing his mother’s pearls and copies of his fingerprints for some reason. The cat burglar’s real name is Selina Kyle and she sells Bruce’s fingerprints to a shady businessman named Dagget.

Meanwhile a young cop named John Blake (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) recognizes the deceased body of a young orphan found in the sewers. He goes to visit the orphanage and finds out that there are rumors of employment in the sewers. It turns out Bane and his terrorist army have established a nice little base in the pipes beneath the city. Commissioner Gordon ends up down in Bane’s lair and escapes but nearly dies in the process. The only person who believes his story of a masked lunatic in the sewers is John Blake.

Blake and Gordon want Bruce Wayne to don the cape and come back. He’s reluctant at first, but a visit to Lucius Fox (Morgan Freeman) and a showcase of all the new toys and technology start to make him change his mind. Alfred (Michael Caine) doesn’t want Bruce to be Batman again. He is afraid that Bruce wants to fail.

Bane launches an attack on the stock exchange and that’s enough incentive to bring Batman back out of the shadows. There’s an awesome chase scene involving bad guys on motorcycles with hostages, Batman on his Batpod, and hundreds of police vehicles trying to capture the Bat. Of course he escapes in spectacular fashion, he’s the goddamn Batman.

Dagget used Bruce’s fingerprints as part of a scheme that bankrupts Bruce and makes him lost control of Wayne Enterprises. Bruce is able to have Miranda Tate (Marion Cotillard) take over the company. Dagget is pissed that his plot backfired and has a little hissy fit and bitches at Bane. Bane reveals that he doesn’t work for Dagget, and that Dagget is just a pawn in his game. And then he kills Dagget for good measure.

Batman confronts Bane in the sewers and they have a fight. Batman gets the shit beat out of him. Bane breaks his back and dumps him in a foreign prison. Bane starts to implement his terrorist plans on Gotham. I don’t want to get into specifics, but it’s an epic takeover and it looks pretty bleak for Gotham and Batman.

The Dark Knight must rise from his prison and return to Gotham, but he will need help. Luckily he’s not alone. Commissioner Gordon, John Blake, and Selina Kyle also rise to the occasion. Hopefully good will triumph over evil.

This is one of the best comic book movies to date. I don’t think it’s quite as good as The Dark Knight. In fact, I don’t think it’s even the best superhero movie this summer. The Amazing Spider-Man and The Avengers are both great candidates for that title. They are more fun. Christopher Nolan’s world is really dark and gloomy. There’s no joy, there’s no humor. They closest thing to a joke is when Batman is talking to Catwoman and she suddenly disappears and he quips “So that’s what that feels like.” Nolan spends so much time trying to make a realistic Batman that it’s disappointing when you see stupid Hollywood clichés, like when Gordon drops the signal jammer and it’s slightly out of reach or how Selina Kyle can ride the Batpod just as good as Batman without any practice. Maybe she’s a great driver, maybe Bruce just sucks.

The hardest part of the movie for me to watch was the attack on the stadium. Prior to the attack there’s a young boy singing the National Anthem. It was the first time that I’ve heard it since the Aurora Twelve massacre. The movie theater is supposed to be a sanctuary from the world, a place of escape, a place to be safe from reality. And from now on there will always be a little bit of hesitation in the back of your mind about going to the cinema. But I felt like I had to see this movie. It’s important to live your life and not be afraid. That’s one of the themes of the film.

Quick spoiler: at the end Batman takes the nuclear bomb away from Gotham and it explodes over the ocean. Disaster averted, Gotham wasn’t blown up. But now everyone will get radiation poisoning and die of cancer. That’s not a happy ending.

The reappearance of Batman is awesome. There’s no big flashy entrance, there’s no lame montage of putting on the suit… he just suddenly shows up in the suit in the middle of a pursuit and Joel Schumacher should take notes.

Bane is a terrifying villain. He is Batman’s equal but leans toward the evil side. Tom Hardy does a great job and I predict several years of typecasting for him. I’m looking forward to it.

The Dark Knight Rises is a great film and it’s worth seeing. You might feel awkward about it; you might feel guilty about it. The Aurora Twelve incident with always be associated with this movie and you don’t want to talk about it, but you have to acknowledge it. Seeing this movie is a way to honor their memories and to move forward. Movies are an escape, we can’t be afraid to enjoy them. Seeing this movie is a way to say that you won’t be afraid.

Critically Rated at 14/17

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