Monthly Archives: April 2014

April 13, 2014 · 12:12 pm

Fans Who Leave Early

Fans who leave early aren’t really fans. You should never give up on your team. You should support them until the bitter end. Especially with baseball because it isn’t over until you get the final out. Besides, you’ll never experience the thrill of a walk-off win or an amazing comeback in overtime if you leave early. I don’t even understand why you would want to leave early. Tickets are expensive these days. You should see the complete game and get your money’s worth. Sure, you might want to beat traffic but there will still be traffic. Leaving early won’t help you any. In fact you should linger and stay longer, maybe kill some time at a restaurant or bar and let the roads thin out a bit. Take some time to reflect on the game you just saw with some friends and analyze the key plays and turn of events that affected the outcome. You don’t want to show up late and leave early like a Dodgers fan. People respect the Dodgers, but nobody respects Dodgers fans. Stay for the whole game. Don’t leave early.

Critically Rated at 4/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

HeatFansLeave

Leave a comment

Filed under Entertainment

Tagged as , , , , ,

April 13, 2014 · 12:10 pm

Post-Credits Scene

A post-credits scene is a bonus scene that pops up after the film credits roll. Most of the time it’s just a promotion for a potential sequel, but occasionally it adds some merit to the plotline of the film. It seems like a new gimmick made to establish the Marvel Universe these days, but post-credits scenes have been a part of Hollywood for decades now. Ferris Bueller told you that the movie was over and that it’s time to go home. Superman promised that Superman would return in Superman II. Post-credits scenes used to mean something and they get you revved up for a potential sequel. Now you wait for fifteen minutes to see the Avengers eating shawarma. Times have changed. But the post-credits scene is going to stick around for awhile. You better get used to it.

Critically Rated at 11/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

G0UHJl

Leave a comment

Filed under Entertainment

Tagged as , , , , , ,

April 12, 2014 · 10:00 am

Grand Slam

A grand slam is one of the most exciting plays in baseball. It’s a home run when the bases are loaded. One crack of the bat gets you four runs. You can come from behind and get the lead with a single swing. It’s awesome to watch on TV, but there’s nothing like being at the ballpark and seeing one firsthand. Don’t take it for granted. You should feel lucky to witness one because you are lucky to witness one. It’s an instant memory and one you’re not likely to forget. A grand slam is always enough to get the stadium going, but a grand slam hit by a pitcher is the cream of the crop. It doesn’t get better than that. Especially if it’s an AL pitcher because they never get at bats.  If you don’t appreciate a grand slam, you don’t appreciate baseball. You should probably give your season tickets to somebody who does.

Critically Rated at 16/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

Alexei-Ramirez-Grandslam

Leave a comment

Filed under Entertainment

Tagged as , , ,

April 12, 2014 · 9:59 am

Lisp

A lisp is a type of speech impediment in which the speaker has trouble pronouncing the S sound. Say “Lisp” out loud. Does it sound like you said “Lithp”? If yes, then I’m sorry to inform you that you have a lisp. It’s all right, lots of people have lisps. Just not successful ones. That’s not really true, I’m just an asshole. My buddy used to have a lisp when he was a kid. He had to go a speech therapist and say tongue twisters like “the snake is in the grass” for hours on end. He still has nightmares about it, but he eventually got rid of his lisp. I never would have known that he used to have a speech impediment if he didn’t tell me about it. He probably wishes he didn’t say anything to me, because I make fun of him for it all the time. See, I told you I was an aththhole.

Critically Rated at 9/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

lisp2

Leave a comment

Filed under Random Rants

Tagged as , ,

April 11, 2014 · 9:47 am

Heckling

Heckling is the act of harassing and distracting somebody who is trying to perform. It’s wrong to heckle comedians or musicians, but it’s perfectly acceptable to heckle athletes. It’s part of the game. Heckling is integral in rooting for your home team. A lot of fans enjoy sitting in the bleachers to yell insults at the opposing team’s center fielder or star quarterback. But you need to be clever if you want to be rowdy and yell. It’s lazy to shout out “Number 22 sucks!” and nobody will appreciate it. It’s better if you know they Number 22 is adopted and you scream out “Your parents never loved you!” In ordinary society that would be a big no-no, but it flies on the field. Yell out that you’ve seen his wife’s tits in a movie she did and that one of her nipples is bigger than the other. That kind of shit will get in his head. That kind of shit will make him drop the ball and commit an error. That kind of shit will help your team win. Heckling is glorified bullying. You want to make them unsure and unconfident. You want to make them cry. And you want other people to laugh at them too. Don’t feel bad about it. Those fuckers get paid good money to deal with drunken spectators trying to shatter their self-esteem.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

925c824fa5af2ae9641d1feaab6ebc14c844a786

Leave a comment

Filed under Entertainment

Tagged as , , , , , ,

April 11, 2014 · 9:46 am

Undercover Investigation Shut-Down Ale

Lagunitas Brewing Company presents Undercover Investigation Shut-Down Ale, a limited release American Strong Ale. It really is a strong ale too. 9.7% ABV is nothing to scoff at. It’s a very enjoyable craft beer. It pours a reddish copper color with a tan head. The aroma is mostly floral and citrus hops, but I get hints of grass, caramel, pine, pineapple, and sweet and bready malts. The taste is mostly bitter hops, but it’s balanced nicely with grapefruit, orange, lemon peel, pine, sweet malts, caramel, burnt sugar, and spice. It’s deliciously bitter with an IBU of 66.6 (so I wouldn’t drink it on a Sunday if you’re the religious type). It’s a limited release so you should get on it while you have the chance. Buy a six-pack and thank me later.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

CIMG0436

Leave a comment

Filed under Drinks

Tagged as , , , , , ,

April 10, 2014 · 12:51 pm

Flyover

A flyover is one of the coolest things about professional sports in the US. They are usually reserved for special games like Opening Day, playoffs, and championships. You’ll be sitting in the stands listening to a stirring rendition of the Star-Spangled Banner when four jets fly directly over the stadium, right over your head and your patriotism gene kicks into overdrive. The engines scream and the crowd roars and shouts out chants of ‘MURICA! and USA! USA! USA! It’s fricking awesome. Sometimes it’s jets, sometimes it’s helicopters, and sometimes it’s just big ass planes, but it’s always a military commercial. It makes you want to enlist and kill Al-Qaedas. Flyovers are always memorable and will probably be the highlight of your day if your team loses.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

flyover

Leave a comment

Filed under Entertainment

Tagged as , , , , , , , ,

April 10, 2014 · 12:49 pm

Ballpark Food

You’ve never truly experienced a hotdog until you’ve eaten one at a baseball game. A hotdog is ballpark food and it tastes best at the stadium with your favorite team on the field. There’s something about being at the ballpark that makes food taste better. Hotdogs and Polish sausages and corndogs become a delicacy. Cotton candy is sweeter and fluffier. Peanuts are crunchier, sunflower seeds are saltier, and the Cracker Jacks are top notch. Different ballparks have different menus that reflect their region. They have crab fries in Philly, carne asada fries in San Diego, and garlic fries in San Francisco. Ballpark food is going gourmet too. You can find some truly amazing dishes at stadiums around the MLB. Of course no ballpark meal is complete without a ballpark beer to wash it down with. A ballpark beer is a regular beer, only far more refreshing and five times as expensive.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

ballpark-food

Leave a comment

Filed under Snacks

Tagged as , , , , , , , ,

April 9, 2014 · 1:44 pm

RAT on the New York subway! (YouTube video)

RAT on the New York subway! is the descriptive title of a YouTube video about a rat running around a crowded subway car. It’s pretty funny because most of the passengers are standing up on the seats like they are all playing a game of hot lava. The rat runs around the length of the car causing people to shriek and jump out of the way. The rat is actually a blessing in disguise. Nobody is really freaking out about t, and you can tell that the rat is really a bonding experience. People are actually interacting with each other as they laugh, groan, and scream together. They all look like little kids, and that looks like fun. It makes you want to experience a rat on the subway for yourself. Besides, I’d rather deal with a rat on the subway than with one in my house.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

Leave a comment

Filed under Entertainment

Tagged as , , , , , , ,

April 9, 2014 · 1:41 pm

Hoppy Daze (beer)

Hoppy Daze is a Belgian Style India Pale Ale from California’s Coronado Brewing Company. It pours a golden amber color with a large white head. It has a predominantly hoppy scent with aromas of cloves, Belgian yeast, citrus, and light malt. I like how it tastes. I get a lot of herbal and citrus hops, honey, spice, coriander, bready malt, pine, and pepper. It’s a satisfying Belgian IPA and a good craft brew, but I wouldn’t call it a great beer. If I ever write a list of my top hundred beers, Hoppy Daze wouldn’t be on it. It would make the top two hundred though. I drink way too much beer.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

CBC-Bottle-02-22oz_0001_Hoppy-Daze-22oz

Leave a comment

Filed under Drinks

Tagged as , , , , , ,

April 8, 2014 · 10:42 am

Unicorn

A unicorn is a mythical creature that looks like a horse with a horn on its head. I don’t know why they are called unicorns. If they only have one horn, they should be called unihorns. That makes a lot more sense. Unicorns are a symbol of purity, grace, and magic. The horn is said to have healing powers and drinking the unicorn’s blood can make you immortal (at least according to the Harry Potter universe). Giants supposedly used unicorn horns as toothpicks. In the ancient world they believed unicorns were real and were probably based on sightings of unfamiliar animals and bad descriptions from unreliable eyewitnesses. In the middle ages they believed that unicorns could only be captured by virgins, so you should be insulted if someone calls you a unicorn-catcher.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

cat-riding-a-fire-breathing-unicorn-16414-1280x800

2 Comments

Filed under Random Rants

Tagged as , , , ,

April 8, 2014 · 10:41 am

My Neighbors Have a Rooster

My neighbors have a rooster. I know that lots of people have neighbors that have a rooster, but I live in a major US city. There should not be any neighbors with roosters in the city. It’s not cool for the bird and it annoys everybody else. I wouldn’t mind if it only crowded once a day when the sun comes up, but that fucking cock crows at least five times an hour until the sun goes down. It was cute and quaint at first, but the novelty of it faded quickly. The worst part is that I don’t know which neighbors own the rooster, so I can’t tell them how much I hate their rooster. Didn’t they learn anything from Babe: Pig in the City? I didn’t see that movie, but I’m pretty sure it backs up my point. Farm animals should stay on the farm and out of the city. Especially loud and annoying ones like roosters.

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

city-rooster2-lg

Leave a comment

Filed under Random Rants

Tagged as , , , , ,

April 7, 2014 · 12:36 pm

Undead Party Crasher (beer)

Undead Party Crasher in an American Imperial Stout brewed by Clown Shoes in Ipswich, Massachusetts. I’ve never even heard of that brewery, but I was lucky enough to come across a bottle at a liquor store in Las Vegas. The label is what originally attracted my attention. There aren’t too many beers that have zombie apocalypse-related artwork. I really didn’t have a choice, I had to try this beer and I’m glad that I did because it was pretty damn good. It pours a dark brown, almost black, with a thick tan head. It has a rich roasted malt aroma with coffee and chocolate notes with a little vanilla. The taste is of roasted malts, coffee, chocolate, mocha, vanilla, molasses, a little smoke, and a dash of spice. It’s a very smooth and creamy stout and it’s very drinkable. You can’t even taste the alcohol despite the impressive 11% ABV. I haven’t had the chance to try any other beers from Clown Shoes, but Undead Party Crasher made a great first impression on me. I will be on the lookout for their brews from now on.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

c6cbe53302eefc1aa7d18ec8ce5c44e8_640x640

Leave a comment

Filed under Drinks

Tagged as , , , , , ,

April 7, 2014 · 12:34 pm

No Housework Day

April 7th of each year is No Housework Day. It’s a day to procrastinate and be lazy about household chores. This is an actual holiday. You can Google it if you don’t believe me. But you should save some time and just trust me on this. It’s No Housework Day. You really don’t have to do any housework. How awesome is that? You might still have to run errands or go grocery shopping, but at least you don’t have to clean up the bathroom or wash dishes. You should celebrate by giving the maid a day off and letting the mess accumulate in the kitchen. It’s ok to slack off every once in a while, and this holiday is a reminder to do that.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

07 04 No House work Day

Leave a comment

Filed under Random Rants

Tagged as , , , , ,

April 6, 2014 · 11:51 am

The Windmill Hole

I remember going to play mini golf on a glorious 4/20 a few years ago with a few friends. There was a dad playing with his young son and daughter right ahead of us. He seemed like your average suburb dad spending some quality time with his kids, but then we found out that he was an idiot a few holes in. We got to the stereotypical windmill hole, the kind you see at every miniature golf course where you try to get your ball into a small hole at the base of the windmill without the spinning blades knocking it out of the way. The dad teed off and got the ball into the hole but it didn’t come out the other end. So he went up to the windmill to look into the little hole, and the blade smacked him in the side of the head, right in the temple hard enough to send him staggering backward. He instinctively grabbed his head and when he took his hand away, you could see he was bleeding profusely from a massive gash. I remember his daughter shrieking, “DADDY! YOU’RE BLEEDING!!” He told them it was time to go and they quickly walked away. There was a mother from another group who saw them leaving and asked us what happened. We told her the story and she said, “Well, that was pretty stupid,” and we totally agreed with her. It was one of the dumbest things that I’ve ever seen anyone do. That guy almost killed himself playing mini golf in front of his two kids. He deserved that concussion. Just remember the hazards of mini golf and don’t fuck around on the windmill hole. That shit is dangerous.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

2006_08_windmill

Leave a comment

Filed under Entertainment

Tagged as , , ,

April 6, 2014 · 11:44 am

I Like Turtles

I Like Turtles is a famous meme that’s been bouncing around the internet since 2007. It’s brilliant in its simplicity. A news reporter goes to a lame festival in search of a sound bite and finds a young boy in zombie makeup. She asks him what he thinks about the fair and he responds by saying he likes turtles. She doesn’t know how to handle that awkward exchange, so she cuts back to the studio. At that point, it was already too late. Ten-year-old Jonathan Ware became a YouTube sensation overnight. He even got to appear on Tosh.0 to explain what happened. Apparently he had just left a turtle exhibit and still had turtles on the brain. So when he was asked what he was thinking, he responded honestly: “I like turtles.” The world would be a better place if only people were so forward and frank as young Jonathan. And now we have a built-in response for boring questions thanks to him. I’ve included the YouTube video below and I suggest that you watch it if you’ve never seen it before. It might just be the highlight of your day. Check it out.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

Leave a comment

Filed under Entertainment

Tagged as , , , , ,

April 5, 2014 · 5:52 am

USB Flash Drive

A USB Flash Drive (sometimes called a thumb drive) is a data storage device, but I wouldn’t recommend getting one if you don’t have a computer. Flash drives have no moving parts so they are extremely durable and reliable. They use flash memory, they are reusable and rewritable, and they are increasing in storage capacity every year. They used to be measured in megabytes, then gigabytes, and now we are up to terabytes of storage. You can have more stuff stored on your keychain than on your personal computer at home. That’s a lot of porn and WikiLeaks to be carrying around in your pocket. Flash drives used to be a novelty, but now they are a necessity. It’s one of the best ways to backup files or share data. Plus they get cheaper and cheaper every year. If you don’t have one, perhaps it’s time to change that. Twenty bucks will get you something that has more storage capacity than you will know what to do with. Plus you will feel like a spy when you use it. And who doesn’t want to be James Bond?

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

USB-Flash-Drive-

Leave a comment

Filed under Random Rants

Tagged as , , , , , ,