Tag Archives: the hobbit

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug is the second chapter of the Hobbit trilogy. It’s not very good. I haven’t seen it. And I don’t plan on seeing it. Because this whole trilogy is a bloated, unnecessary piece of shit, and any true fan of the LOTR will admit that. I love the Lord of the Rings trilogy. I waited in line for opening day. I own the special editions. I’ve watched the special features and exclusive documentaries. I think it’s incredible that New Line Cinema and Peter Jackson were able to translate Tolkien’s masterpiece to the big screen. But The Hobbit is not a masterpiece. It’s a kid’s book. It’s amateur compared to Tolkien’s later books. I know they had to make it into a film because the LOTR films made so much money. But they didn’t have to make it into a trilogy. They got greedy and it shows. They added characters and plot points and expanded the story in an attempt to lengthen the running time. And that made the film boring.

Truth be told, I didn’t even see An Unexpected Journey. Shocking, I know. But this is how it works for me: when a movie comes out I’m either excited to see it or I don’t care. I either go on opening day or I wait a few days to read reviews and hear what other people say. And most people that saw An Unexpected Journey weren’t impressed. They had some good things to say about various things, but they weren’t foaming at the mouth and clamoring to see it again. They weren’t excited. It was boring. It was all exposition. It didn’t seem worth $20 to see it in IMAX 3-D. So I didn’t see it.

The Desolation of Smaug came out two weeks ago, and I decided to wait and see if it was worth it because I was still skeptical. I read the reviews, I heard what people had to say about it, I asked other people for their opinion, and they all say the same thing. They say it’s better than the first one and they liked a few parts, but the dull look in their eyes gives them away. They want to like it, but they can’t. It’s a hollow experience like the Star War prequel trilogy. You only watch it because you feel obligated to watch it. That’s not entertainment, that’s a chore.

Critically Rated at 10/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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The Noble Collection Holiday Catalog

A few years ago I bought my sister a replica of Dumbledore’s wand for Christmas, and it was one of the best things that I’ve ever done because now I get The Noble Collection Holiday Catalog delivered in the mail every November. It’s basically a catalog for movie nerds. They have replicas of props from all the movies you geek out over. Do you like The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings? Well then maybe you would enjoy an Illuminating Gandalf Staff for $159, or maybe the Pipe of Bilbo Baggins for only $69 (and it says it’s fully functional). They have a bunch of stuff from The Dark Knight trilogy as well. You can get a Folding Batarang Money Clip in either bronze or flat black for $39. $395 will get you a full-sized Batman Cowl or Bane Mask… I’m not sure you could actually wear them, but I’d love to find out.

The catalog also has a few other items like a Throne Bookend from Game of Thrones, The Green Power Lantern from The Green Lantern, and the Golden Compass from The Golden Compass. But the main reason why I get excited when the Holiday Catalog finally comes is for all their Harry Potter merchandise. They have about fifty wands from fifty different characters. They even sell fancy wand displays so you can display all your fancy wands. Almost every cool Harry Potter prop is available for sale. You can buy the Sword of Gryffindor, the Marauder’s Map, Tom Riddle’s Diary, the Sorcerer’s Stone, even a goddamned Firebolt. You might think that spending $295 on a broom is excessive, but it’s a fucking Firebolt! It’s the fastest broom there is. You’d be an idiot not to buy it. I know I’m not supposed to waste money on frivolous things, but it’s hard not to with The Noble Collection Holiday Catalog.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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