Tag Archives: lotion

Opening Doors with Overly Lotioned Hands

I got a little too much sun over the weekend and I got a little burnt. Now I’m starting to peel. I don’t like going out into public look reptilian, so I decided to put on some lotion. Then I put on a little more. Then some more after that. I put on too much because I couldn’t get enough grip on the doorknob to turn it. My hands were too moist. I was trapped in my room for couple of minutes until my hands were dry and fully functional. It took me twenty-nine years, but I’ve finally realized that opening doors with overly lotioned hands is nigh impossible. It’s best to leave the door slightly ajar before applying lotion (unless you’re thirteen years old and have a dirty magazine, in which case you should close the door and double check that it’s locked).

Critically Rated at 6/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

door-knob

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Hand Lotion

Hand lotion is important. It keeps your hands from getting died out. In an arid climate, it’s a godsend. It’s always good to have hand lotion around. Just be careful where you leave it. If you’re a guy and you have your lotion next to a box of Kleenex, you are viewed as a pervert. There’s no way to avoid the situation. It looks like masturbating is your favorite hobby. Hand lotion and Kleenex should be at least five feet from each other at all times, or else people will talk.

Critically Rated at 11/17

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