Tag Archives: candy

January 8, 2013 · 11:06 am

Sour Skittles

How do you improve everyone’s favorite rainbow colored bite-sized fruit chews? By adding a shit ton of sugar and calling them Sour Skittles of course. I lied; Sour Skittles aren’t an improvement on the Original Skittles. All that extra sugar makes your teeth hurt more and doesn’t do anything to enhance the flavors. You have the classic Skittles: Grape, Lime, Lemon, Orange, and Strawberry, but each one is made slightly sour with an excessive sugar coating. Sour Skittles are ok every once in a while, but all the other varieties of Skittles are better.

Critically Rated at 11/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 26, 2012 · 8:54 am

Salt Water Taffy

Salt water taffy is a type of chewy candy. I don’t know why it’s called salt water taffy. There’s no salt water in it. It’s kind of weird to lie about something as trivial as that. Anyway, salt water taffy comes in a variety of flavors, but it’s impossible to tell what those flavors are. Some of them are fruity but I couldn’t tell you which fruit it’s trying to emulate. Salt water taffy’s biggest competition comes from Laffy Taffy, but salt water taffy doesn’t need to resort to cheap gimmicks like putting lame jokes on the label to sell in units. Salt water taffy has been around for over a hundred years; it’s not going away anytime soon.

Critically Rated at 8/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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October 7, 2012 · 10:31 am

Tic Tac

Tic Tac are the mints that you hear coming. They are small hard mints in a plastic case. When I was a kid I would pretend I was popping pills when I ate them. I admit I still do that. They come in a few different flavors: like Fresh mint, cinnamon, wintergreen, and orange. The orange ones don’t do much for your breath, but they are the best Tic Tac to chew. You are pretty sheltered if you’ve never had a Tic Tac. Maybe it’s time to venture out and show your taste buds what the world has to offer.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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August 13, 2012 · 8:53 am

Hi-Chew

Hi-Chew is a Japanese candy and they are delicious. It’s a fruity, chewy candy and each one is individually wrapped like Starbursts or Mambas, but they seem juicier. They have a few flavors, I’ve tried Banana, Grape, Strawberry, Mango, but there’s a lot more. Did I mention that they are delicious? Because they are. If you like fruit flavored confectionary treats, give these a shot. Just be careful, because if you buy a pack and someone sees it, you’re gonna have to share.

Critically Rated at 14/17

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July 15, 2012 · 9:36 am

Losing a Filling

I have a sweet tooth; I eat more candy than a five-year-old on Halloween. I have a few cavities to prove it. The other day my friend gave me gumball. I didn’t really want it, but it’s bad for the economy to not accept free things. So I took it and chewed it for about fifteen seconds before I realized it shouldn’t be crunchy. That stupid gumball ripped out my filling. Losing a filling sucks. Even as I type this, my tongue keeps exploring the gaping hole in my molar. The worst part is that I can’t eat candy until I get a new filling. Then I will celebrate with some Skittles. I think I’ll avoid the gumballs from now on.

Critically Rated at 4/17

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May 12, 2012 · 9:34 am

Mint M&M’s

M&M’s are a staple of a happy childhood. M&M’s are bite-sized chocolates with a colorful candy shell. You should know this already, even if you didn’t have a happy childhood. Sometimes when a product is successful, they add more shit to the original formula to make it better. With M&M’s they added peanuts, peanut butter, pretzels… and now they have mint flavored M&M’s made with dark chocolate. It’s a sexy flavor with the sexiest spokescandy (the green one). It has a smooth chocolate mint flavor, it is like an Andes mint but crunchier. It tastes good and it’s refreshing, but it won’t make your breath smell better. You shouldn’t rely on candy to hide your halitosis anyway.

Critically Rated at 11/17

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April 25, 2012 · 9:53 am

Pretzel M&M’s

Candy is good. Chocolate is a good candy. M&M’s are a popular chocolate candy. Snacks are good. Pretzels are a good snack. Pretzels are a popular snack. People like to combine good things. Like chocolate and pretzels. The makers of M&M’s figured this out, and we’ve been able to enjoy Pretzel M&M’s ever since. And life has been good. If you like bite-sized chocolate candies, but wish there was a crunchy, salty pretzel center, this is the product for you.

Critically Rated at 13/17

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April 6, 2012 · 9:05 am

Starburst Sour GummiBursts Liquid Filled Gummies

The makers of Starburst have a new chewy fruity candy out now. They are like wannabe Gushers, but with less gushiness. There is a little liquid filled center, but it is such a miniscule amount that you would just think it was a flavor burst and not a liquid burst. There’s nothing mouthwatering about liquid filled gummies. Do you really want to enjoy a candy that has liquid bursting from it? I’m slightly weirded out by that concept, and I don’t think that I’m alone.

Critically Rated at 4/17

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March 26, 2012 · 8:23 am

Peanut M&M’s

The classic bite-sized chocolates in a colorful candy shell get a peanut center in this upgrade. People like salty peanuts. People like sweet chocolate. People like small orbs that they can eat. If you haven’t tried Peanut M&M’s at this point in your life, I’m guessing you have a severe nut allergy. If you’re ever bored, I suggest you try a handful of these delicious candies, and then immediately inject yourself with an EpiPen. It’s totally worth it.

Critically Rated at 13/17

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March 22, 2012 · 9:50 am

Twix

Two for me, none for you. Twix are cookies bars with caramel and a chocolate coating. They are delicious. As George Costanza will tell you, Twix is the only candy with the cookie crunch. They come typically come in pairs of two per pack. Wikipedia tells me that they are called Twix because they are “twin sticks”. That makes sense. If you are an American, you love cookies, caramel, and chocolate; a candy that provides all of the above is proof that God loves us and wants us to be diabetic.

Critically Rated at 13/17

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March 14, 2012 · 9:33 am

Skittles Riddles

I was just saying the other day that the U.S. as a whole simply doesn’t have enough varieties of Skittles. And then my prayers were answered when I saw these. I should have asked for world peace, but I’m an American, and candy is more appealing. The gimmick with Skittles Riddles is that the colors and the flavors don’t match up. So a blue Skittle could be Apple, Watermelon, Strawberry, Punch or Raspberry. That is way too much excitement for me. I just want to eat and enjoy my candy, not try to solve a mystery that I don’t give a fuck about.

Critically Rated at 12/17

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March 13, 2012 · 9:31 am

Skittles Crazy Cores

Pop quiz, hotshot: what’s better than a Skittle with just one flavor? A Skittle with two flavors of course, you dumbass. Crazy Cores are Skittles with a flavored candy shell with another flavored core inside. Don’t worry, the flavors aren’t too crazy. Maybe a little wild, but not crazy. It comes in Strawberry Watermelon, Mango Peach, Cherry Lemonade, Melon Berry and Blue Raspberry Lemon. Pretty tasty, not too crazy, but definitely not tame.

Critically Rated at 13/17

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March 10, 2012 · 10:35 am

Skittles Original

Taste the Rainbow. Compare it to Skittles. Skittles taste better right? And who eats rainbows? Gay Unicorns. That’s beside the point. Skittles are the OG fruity chewy bite-sized candies. If you are ever in doubt what candy to bring to the movie theater, you can’t go wrong with a pack of Skittles. They look a little like M&Ms but they have an “S” and not an “M” on them. S&M… just realized that. Maybe we can make t-shirts of that, anyone down? They have a few standard flavors: strawberry, orange, lemon, lime, and grape. Skittles rock, I can’t imagine my childhood without this essential candy.

Critically Rated at 14/17

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March 9, 2012 · 8:53 am

Skittles Blenders

The classic fruity chewy bite-sized candies get a flavor upgrade – a crazy blended fruit flavor upgrade. They have interesting names like Strawberry Lime Blast, Melon Berry Burst, Watermelon Green Apple Freeze, Mango Lemonade Freeze and Cherry Tropicolada. I don’t know what Mad Food Scientist came up with those stupid names. Melon Berries sound like something Willy Wonka would invent. How are room temperature candies being called Freeze? And Tropicolada is too much of an extreme hybrid pun, it is way too clever for me. If you like Crazy Core or Wildberry Skittles you will like the Blenders.

Critically Rated at 14/17

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March 5, 2012 · 8:54 am

Mambas

Mambas are little fruity chewy candies, similar to Starbursts. They are rectangular and grouped together by flavor. There are four flavors: raspberry, orange, lemon and strawberry. The catch is that there are only 3 different flavors in each pack, so its always a gamble that you wont get your favorite flavor. I guess that’s half the fun. It’s like candy for compulsive gamblers. If you like Starbursts or fruity candy in general, you would like Mamba. I wouldn’t lie to you about something as trivial as this. Just try them. Don’t make a scene.

Critically Rated at 14/17

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