Category Archives: Entertainment

TV, Movies, etc

July 12, 2013 · 9:10 am

Mondegreen

There’s a word for misheard song lyrics and it’s mondegreen. It comes from an old song that goes “They hae slain the Earl O’Moray/And laid him on the green.” One listener named Sylvia Wright heard the song and misinterpreted it as “They hae slain the Earl O’Moray/And Lady Mondegreen.” She was a writer, and she decided to coin the term mondegreen and everyone else went along with it. There are whole websites devoted to mondegreens, so you should Google it if you’re dying to know what other people hear when they listen to songs. There are common ones like Jimi Hendrix saying “’Scuse me while I kiss this guy” and everything that Kurt Cobain mumbles in “Smells Like Teen Spirit.” In fact, Weird Al took that concept and ran with it. Some people might argue that Weird Al’s whole career is based on mondegreening popular songs (and they’d be right). Music is interpretive; it only makes sense that we change the words to suit what we want to hear.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Youn

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July 11, 2013 · 10:36 am

Ranking the Batman Movies

Batman has graced the big screen multiple times over the years. Some versions are light and campy, some versions are dark and gritty, and some of them are simply disappointing. I’ll attempt to Critically Rate the Batman films, but keep in mind that these are my opinions. You can disagree with me all you want… You’ll be wrong, but you can still disagree with me. Here is my list ranking the Batman movies from worst to best.

#8: Batman & Robin was director Joel Schumacher’s second Batman film, and was the first and only time that George Clooney played the Caped Crusader. This was the film that introduced us to Batgirl and to Batnipples. It was an awful film and effectively killed the franchise until Christopher Nolan rebooted it 8 years later. It suffered from a terrible story and from action scenes that only existed to sell toys. And Arnold Schwarzenegger delivers some of the worst ice-related puns in cinematic history.

#7: Batman was a 1966 movie based on the ‘60s TV show. It’s super campy, but that’s what it was trying to be. Adam West plays Batman, Burt Ward plays Robin, and together they take on the Joker, the Riddler, Penguin, and Catwoman. They also fight an obviously fake shark at one point. This is the one where it says BAM! and POW! and WHAM! every time Batman punches somebody. It’s safe to say that it put comic book movies back a few decades.

#6: Batman Begins marked the successful return of Batman to the big screen after the fiasco that was Batman & Robin. It was a critical and financial success, and it depicted a more realistic Batman. Too bad this movie sucked. Christian Bale is a bad Batman. He plays a decent Bruce Wayne, but he’s a terrible Batman. His stupid fucking Batman voice ruins the movie. The action scenes were chaotic and poorly choreographed. You can’t see what is going on. I paid good money to watch Batman punch people, and it looked like Michael J. Fox was the cameraman. Everything is shaky and out of focus. And they ruined the Batmobile. Christopher Nolan was trying to bring Batman to the real world, but superheroes have no place in the real world.

#5: Batman Forever was a turning point in the franchise. It’s gritty, it’s campy, it’s very ‘90s. Joel Schumacher took over for Tim Burton, Val Kilmer took over for Michael Keaton, and Chris O’Donnell was brought in to play Robin. Tommy Lee Jones and Jim Carrey play Two-Face and the Riddler and they were both horribly miscast. Batman Forever is a step in the wrong direction, but it’s still a guilty pleasure for a lot of Batman fans.

#4: The Dark Knight Rises was the final chapter of Christopher Nolan’s trilogy. It was a satisfying conclusion, but was ultimately a letdown because The Dark Knight was so much better. The movie suffers from a lot of plot holes and poor execution, not to mention a villain with an unintelligible accent. And the nuke at the end would have caused radiation and cancer in Gotham City. So the citizens wouldn’t die instantly, they would die slowly and painfully. Good job, Batman.

#3 Batman Returns was the first Batman sequel. Tim Burton and Michael Keaton were reunited from their smash 1989 film, and it was a very satisfying follow-up. It’s defiantly Tim Burton’s Batman, it has a dark and dreamlike quality. He takes a lot of liberties with the source material, and some people hate the movie because of that. But the film is redeemed because it has the best villain lineup out of all the movies. Danny DeVito is the terrifying and creepy Penguin. Michelle Pfeiffer is the deadly and seductive Catwoman. And Christopher Walken plays the corrupt and powerful Max Shreck.

#2: The Dark Knight would be at the top of most people’s Batman movie list because most people are sheep. It’s a very solid movie, there’s no denying that. Heath Ledger did an amazing job playing the Joker. But everyone else is just kind of so-so. Christian Bale keeps using that stupid fucking voice, Maggie Gyllenhaal replaces Katie Holmes as Rachel Dawson and drags the film down every time she’s on screen, and Aaron Eckhart is mediocre as Harvey Dent/Two-Face. There were some cool action scenes, but this movie was mostly a huge success because Heath Ledger died and people wanted to see the movie that killed him. It’s a really good film, but it’s not as amazing as everyone pretends it is. The opening scene is the highlight of the film, a great IMAX sequence that introduces us to the Joker. But it’s a Batman movie and they don’t even give Batman the IMAX treatment when he first appears on screen. It seems kind of backwards to me, but what do I know?

#1: The best Batman movie to date is Tim Burton’s Batman. This was the first gritty version of Batman to hit the big screen. They took a risk by casting Michael Keaton as Batman, but it paid off and he’s still the best Batman/Bruce Wayne to date. Jack Nicholson is an excellent Joker and is disturbingly maniacal despite his exaggerated performance. It’s kind of dated now (mostly because of Prince’s soundtrack), but it still holds up. If this movie flopped, they wouldn’t have made any more Batman movies. It effectively saved superhero movies, and for that reason alone it deserves the top spot on this list.

So that’s my list. I hope you agree with it. Let me know if you don’t.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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July 11, 2013 · 10:27 am

Trivia

Trivia is a collection of random facts and obscure bits of knowledge. Most people say its unnecessary and unimportant bit of knowledge but I disagree. In fact, I’m a huge fan of trivia, trivia games, and quiz shows. I’m one of the people you want to ride with in the Cash Cab. I want to be your lifeline in Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? I want to be your partner in a game of Trivial Pursuit. Trivia games are awesome for nerds. They’re used to getting chosen last in gym class, but they are the first ones picked when it comes to playing a trivia game. I got rid of cable TV a year ago, so I kill time by spending hours on Wikipedia, Cracked, Mental Floss, Listverse, and watching YouTube channels like Vsauce and Vice. I have a pretty good memory so a lot of interesting facts get stuck in my brain. It might not be useful knowledge, but it sure comes in handy at Trivia Night and that’s worth something. Right? Please tell me it’s worth something.

Critically Rated at 16/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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July 8, 2013 · 10:07 am

The Lone Ranger (film)

The Lone Ranger is a 2013 Disney movie about a masked vigilante and his Indian friend. The Lone Ranger is a classic character appearing in radio serials, comic books, and TV shows. Disney brings him back to the big screen for the first time in 32 years. But this is 2013, and nobody bothered to tell them that nobody cares about such an outdated character. This movie just came out and the studio is already admitting that it’s a box office bomb. I don’t know how they finally realized that it sucks. I could tell from the trailer that it was going to suck. The sad thing is that hundreds of people wasted years of their lives working on this film and not one of them realized that it was simply a terrible, terrible idea. I don’t even know anybody who saw it. I didn’t even see it. I just know that I don’t like it.

Armie Hammer “stars” as the Lone Ranger, but he doesn’t even get top billing. He doesn’t even get his own poster. Instead the studio advertised the film as The Lone Ranger staring Johnny Depp as the Lone Ranger’s Indian friend. I can’t believe that major Hollywood studios are still making movies with white actors playing minorities in 2013. It’s pretty racist and it’s pretty insulting to the audience. Johnny Depp is again reunited with Gore Verbinski, the director of Pirates of the Caribbean 1-3 and Rango. Does Tim Burton know that Johnny Depp is cheating on him? And making inferior movies?

So it’s not really fair for me to write a review about a movie that I didn’t see and probably will never see, but I had to write about something. If you liked this movie, I’d be shocked. Not because of your awful taste in movies, but because you actually paid money to watch it.

Critically Rated at 3/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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July 7, 2013 · 11:03 am

Paper Airplane Contest

I went to the bar after work the other day with a few coworkers/friends. The bar had a few pool tables and foosball tables, and they even had air hockey. We fooled around and played a few different games, and during one intense air hockey battle, a guy in our group made a crappy paper airplane out of a napkin and threw it to cause a distraction. He wanted to disrupt the game, and instead he inspired a new challenge. I proposed a paper airplane contest. Each person got an identical piece of paper and had five minutes to make a plane out of it. Then we went outside and found a random bar patron to be our judge. We had him count down and we heaved our planes off the bar balcony at his signal. Most of the planes didn’t soar that far, but some of them were impressively aerodynamic. The winning design flew pretty far and was declared the winner by a landslide. Some people would think of throwing paper from a balcony as a form of littering. I prefer to think of it as form of art. Either way, it’s a fun and easy bar challenge. And other people see you having fun and are inspired to try it as well. It’s a good way to break the ice and start talking to the group next to you. It’s a casual contest, but it gets more competitive if the loser has to buy the next round.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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July 5, 2013 · 9:55 am

Whoopee Cushion

A whoopee cushion is one of the first novelty gifts that you get as a kid. It makes fart noises and fart noises are funny. The traditional way to use one is to blow it up, then you get somebody to sit on it without realizing it’s there, it sounds like he farted, and then everyone laughs at him. Then he demands the whoopee cushion so that he can get somebody else, and the cycle continues.  They are really immature, but so am I, and I brought one to work the other day. Most of the dudes that I work with appreciated it, but I was surprised that it was the girls who wanted to play with it the most. Maybe it’s because they can’t fart in public. Guys fart all the time and we’re proud of our gas. Girls are embarrassed and try to hide their flatulence. But everyone thinks farts are funny, even if they don’t admit it. A whoopee cushion is great because you get the obnoxious sound without the noxious fumes.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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July 4, 2013 · 8:06 am

Fireworks

So it’s the Fourth of July and it’s a big deal for Americans. We consider it our birthday, and we celebrate it by trying to blow up the sky with massive amounts of pyrotechnics in multiple cities in every single state. What’s more American than using something from China? If you’ve been to one fireworks show, you’ve been to them all. It’s usually about fifteen to twenty minutes of pretty explosions in the night sky, which culminates in a finale that always manages to leave you disappointed (mostly because you don’t want it to end). There’s always a bunch of people recording the fireworks on their phone rather than enjoying the spectacle. I don’t care how good the camera is on your phone, watching a fireworks display on an iPhone is not exciting at all. Fireworks aren’t cool unless you see them in person. The only way to truly experience them is to actually experience them. I’ve seen firework displays a bunch of times and even though they can be somewhat monotonous, there’s always a part of me that is totally mesmerized. I’ll know I’ve stopped appreciating life when I no longer appreciate fireworks.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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July 4, 2013 · 8:04 am

Photobombing

Photobombing is when you sneak into the background of a picture without being noticed. It’s fun to photobomb your friends, but it’s more fun to photobomb strangers. The next time you notice some people taking a picture, put a stupid expression on your face and jump in behind them. It’s important that they don’t notice you until they examine the picture. If you do it right, they won’t see you until somebody else points out that they got photobombed. You got to pick your moments for photobombing. It should be a harmless prank; you’re not trying to ruin a once in a lifetime moment. You should only photobomb casual photos, not wedding photos or graduation pictures. It should be a harmless prank; you’re not trying to ruin a once in a lifetime moment.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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July 2, 2013 · 11:24 am

RunPee

Going to the movies these days is a big deal. Tickets are expensive, the snacks and candy are expensive, the sodas are expensive… a 3-D IMAX movie for two people plus food can easily set you back fifty bucks. So it sucks when you’re watching a movie and you have to go to the bathroom. You don’t know when to get up and go. You paid and arm and a leg to watch this blockbuster and don’t want to miss the part where Superman destroys Metropolis. RunPee solves this problem. It’s a website and a downloadable app that tells you when to go. You select which movie you’re seeing, and it gives you a few options for the best time to go, like 47 minutes into the film when so-and-so says something, or an hour and twelve minutes into the film when another character makes a quip. And then it will tell you if you have three minutes or five minutes to use the bathroom. It even gives you a brief summary of what you missed. The app costs 99 cents. It’s worth every penny (yes, all 99 of them). The app comes with a timer so you don’t have to be glancing at your phone constantly. It will also tell you if there’s anything after the credits. It even dims your phone so you don’t disturb anyone else while using it. It’s a pretty handy app, and well worth getting if you’re a film junkie with a small bladder.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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June 26, 2013 · 9:57 am

Watching a Game with a Rival Fan

I went to AT&T Park a few weeks ago to watch the San Francisco Giants take on the San Diego Padres. I went to the game with a friend from work. He wore his Padres cap, while I rocked my Giants sweatshirt. We grabbed a few drinks before the game and raised our glasses to a good game. Then we went into the stadium and found our seats. We were talking and joking and having a good time. But then the game started and the atmosphere changed. Suddenly we became rivals. We were still making small talk, but most of our conversations involved shit-talking and subtle insults about the other team. Watching a game with a rival fan is an interesting experience. You’re watching the exact same game, but you’re seeing two different things. My heroes are his villains and vice versa. I’m cheering while he’s silent. He’s clapping while I’m shaking my head in disbelief. But you can also find out more about the other team. He knows more about his team then you do. And you can also tell him facts about your team. You get a look at the bigger picture. The major problem with watching a game with a rival fan is that somebody is going to lose and that can make for an awkward car ride home. So if your team wins, be a good sport and try not to gloat. And if your team loses, be a good sport and try not to mope.

Critically Rated at 11/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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June 25, 2013 · 9:27 am

Clapping After the Movie

Banging your hands together in a rhythmic fashion is an awesome way to display your appreciation for a concert or a play. It provides the performers with instant feedback, and it lets them know that you appreciated what they are doing. But clapping after a movie is weird. The actors can’t hear you. The director can’t hear you. None of the producers, or screenwriters, or extras can fucking hear you. So why are you clapping? You clap because you’ve approved and appreciated what the artists have labored to create. Even if they can’t hear you, you can still acknowledge that they influenced you. So you slap your hands together a few times. Even if they don’t get the message, you are still saying THANKS!

            Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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June 25, 2013 · 9:24 am

The Best Way to Watch a 3-D Movies

3-D movies are the best way to watch a movie, but only if it’s done right. The biggest problem with 3-D films is that the three dimensions become commonplace. It becomes mundane, it becomes boring. You need something to break up the spectacle, or the spectacle loses all meaning.  The best way to watch a 3-D movie is to take the glasses off. Seriously. Take them off whenever there is a lot of dialog or whenever the camera remains stationary. Let your eyes take a break. Then put your glasses back on when the action picks up. Suddenly the movie pops. Suddenly the 3-D means something. It literally adds depth to the film. The action becomes more immersive and more intense. It draws you into the film if it’s done right. It distracts you heavily if it’s done wrong. 3-D might be a marketing ploy, but its sticking around, so you better get used to it. But remember that those glasses aren’t required.

Critically Rated at 11/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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June 22, 2013 · 9:24 am

God Loves, Man Kills (comic)

The X-Men has always been a metaphor for human rights, equality, and acceptance. Nowhere is that more apparent than in this 1982 graphic novel. In God Loves, Man Kills, a deranged minister leads an anti-mutant campaign, calling for the death of all mutants in the name of God. Stryker is a capable politician and the public seems to support him, and hatred and fear of mutants reaches a fevered peak. To add even more drama to the story, Stryker kidnaps Professor X and manipulates him and Cerebro to attack all the mutants. The X-Men’s main enemy, Magneto, joins them in a shaky alliance against Stryker. If that sounds familiar, it’s because they recycled the basic story for X2: X-Men United. Chris Claremont’s story is still relevant and celebrated more than thirty years later. He touches on themes of racism and persecution. He makes direct references to the holocaust and genocide, and isn’t afraid to use N-word to make a point. Brent Anderson’s art fits the story perfectly.  The panel layout adds a nice sense of pacing. Sometimes it’s very structured, sometimes the art overlaps and flows into another panel. It makes it feel more dynamic and spontaneous. God Loves, Man Kills is more than just a comic, it’s accepted literature.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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June 19, 2013 · 10:12 am

Man of Steel

You know what everyone loves? Comic book movies and reboots. And Man of Steel is both. Henry Cavill stars as Kal-El/Clark Kent/Superman/the Man of Steel in Zack Snyder’s latest comic book adaption. The movie begins fittingly on Krypton during its final days. Jor-El (Russell Crowe) decides the best way to preserve the Kryptonian race is to send his infant son to Earth. That pisses off General Zod (Michael Shannon) and he vows to track down Kal-El, thus setting the plot in motion. The movie jumps ahead a few years, and you see a dejected Clark Kent trying to find his place in the world. He moves around, he uses false names, he is running from something, but he doesn’t know what. All that changes when he comes across a spaceship, meets the electronic ghost of his alien father, learns his true name and history, and gets a spiffy new spandex suit complete with cape. He spends a few glorious minutes teaching himself how to fly, and then General Zod arrives with his Kryptonian henchmen, eager for some space vengeance. Zod demands that the people of Earth must hand over Superman, but he’s got ulterior motives involving terraforming the Earth into a new Krypton. And Supes isn’t having any of that.

There have been a lot of mixed reviews about this movie. I don’t know why. It’s pretty solid. The action scenes are cool, and some of the dialog/exposition scenes are cheesy, but it’s a summer blockbuster and that’s how it’s supposed to be. It’s smarter than most comic book flicks. The movie is non-linear and a lot of important moments are revealed in flashbacks. It’s important to note that aside from the opening scene, Clark has no direct contact with his two father figures. He only experiences Jor-El through the holographic representation of his consciousness, and you only know Jonathan Kent (Kevin Costner) through flashbacks. There are a few notable changes from the comics. For starters, Lois knows that Clark Kent is Superman pretty quickly. That kind of changes their whole relationship (traditionally she worships Superman and ignores Clark). For some unnecessary reason, Perry White is black and Jimmy Olsen had a sex change and became Jenny Olsen. Neither change has any effect on the plot whatsoever.

Superman is a Christian allegory and this movie really rubs it in your face. You only know Jesus as a baby, then briefly as a young adolescent, and then when he finally returns as a savior at the ripe old age of 33. That’s how you experience the Man of Steel in this movie. As a baby, as a tween, and again as an adult who mentions that he’s 33 a few times throughout the movie. He even does the obligatory crucifixion pose.

This isn’t your Richard Donner/Christopher Reeve Superman… this is Zack Snyder and Christopher Nolan’s version of Superman. It’s noticeably darker, more intense, and more gritty. It strives to be more realistic than fantastic and it succeeds for the most part. But Superman isn’t supposed to be gritty. He’s supposed to be about hope and he’s supposed to inspire you. That’s where this film falls short. It’s not as fun and not as thrilling as what you’d want from a Superman movie. There isn’t as much of a sense of wonder. There are no reaction shots of citizens craning their necks to the sky as Superman does something spectacular.

There are two major fight scenes that deserve to be discussed. The first takes place in Kansas, and Superman takes on two of Zod’s soldiers while simultaneously being attacked by the US Army. I think this is the best sequence of the film. The fight choreography is intense and explosive, and it’s set amidst a backdrop of Americana. A small town is suddenly host to an intergalactic battle, and the local 7-Eleven, IHOP, and Sears are all demolished in the process. The climactic fight between Superman and Zod takes place in Metropolis and the city gets leveled in the process. Building after building gets destroyed, and after a while you stop caring. It gets boring. The two invincible foes exchange punch after punch, blow after blow, fly around smashing into buildings and landmarks, and are stuck in a complete stalemate (until someone gets the upper hand and wins. Spoiler: Superman wins).

Man of Steel is not a perfect movie. But you can say that about any movie. I will be bold and say that this is the best Superman movie to date. It has great action sequences, great characters, great actors, and a serviceable plot. If you see one movie this summer, you should see the movie I made with your mom last night. If you see two movies this summer, Man of Steel should be the second.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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June 17, 2013 · 10:00 am

Mirror Maze

A mirror maze is a common attraction at fairs and amusement parks. It’s a maze in which the walls are lined with mirrors, making it much harder to find your way out. It’s really easy to get disorientated. You can cheat and look at the ground, but that’s not fun. You want to get lost. You want to get confused. That’s why you went in. What you think is a straight hallway is really a dead end. You’ll think that you can go left, but end up smacking face first into a mirror. You’ll see your friend walking towards you and suddenly there’s three of him and you’re not sure which one is real and which ones are reflections. You would lose your mind if you weren’t so busy laughing. It’s fun, but I wouldn’t spend more than a few bucks to do it.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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June 17, 2013 · 9:58 am

X-Men: The Dark Phoenix Saga

Writer Chris Claremont and illustrator John Byrne are the creative team behind one of the most important and influential comic storylines in Marvel’s history. The plot centers on Jean Grey’s transformation into the Dark Phoenix, a being of god-like power with the potential to destroy the universe. Jean Grey’s true power starts to emerge and it’s too much for her to handle. Cyclops agonizes as the woman that he loves becomes a threat to the entire universe, and he must lead the X-Men in a fight to defeat one of their own. The basic storyline was ripped off and butchered in X-Men: The Last Stand. The comic is obviously better and also involves the corrupt and evil Hellfire Club, as well as a cosmic battle between the X-Men and the Shi’ar Imperial Guard over the fate of Jean Grey/the entire universe. Not only is it considered a classic; it also introduced readers to the Dazzler and a young Kitty Pride. There are a lot of X-Men comics out there; this is a good one to start with.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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June 16, 2013 · 8:06 am

Singing the Wrong Part

You’re driving down the street and your favorite song comes on. You crank up the volume and start singing along and bobbing your head to the beat. You’re anticipating your favorite part coming up, and as it comes you belt it out with conviction and gusto. And then you realize that you’re singing the wrong part and it’s pretty obvious to anyone listening to you. And you feel like a fool. Maybe you don’t know the song as well as you thought. Singing the wrong part isn’t a big deal, but it’s the universe’s way of telling you to shut the fuck up and keep quiet. You shouldn’t sing the song if you don’t know the song. And your voice sucks too, so there’s another reason to be quiet.

Critically Rated at 8/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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