Buying Toilet Paper

I don’t like buying toilet paper. It’s kind of embarrassing. It’s a little degrading. I don’t know why. It shouldn’t be. Everyone buys it because everyone poops. You still don’t want people to see you buying it. Especially when you buy it in bulk. It’s declaring to the world that you’re planning on taking shits, lots and lots of shits. I’m a single guy too so I have to be careful. I could bump into the woman of my dreams at the checkout counter while I’m buying T.P. and I wouldn’t be able to make a move. She would obviously look at the things that I’m buying to get a sense of my personality. Naturally the toilet paper would stand out. She would know that I’m planning on taking shits, lots and lots of shits. I don’t have enough game to withstand that much scrutiny. But I have to buy toilet paper. It’s my duty. Please tell me you caught that pun. Duty. Doodie. Never mind. Sorry. I’ll go now.

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young


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