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Don’t Trust Anyone Who Hasn’t Seen Star Wars

I don’t trust anyone who hasn’t seen Star Wars. I’m talking Episode IV: A New Hope, the original film that started it all. There’s really no excuse for not seeing it. It’s only two hours long and it’s been out for nearly forty years now. Everyone’s had plenty of time to catch up. Star Wars is a huge part of pop culture. Everybody knows about lightsabers and Darth Vader and that Luke made out with his sister. The film transcends the cinema, it’s more than just a movie. So I think that everyone should watch it at least once. If you don’t like it, that’s fine. At least you watched it. And if you do like it, then there are tons of sequels, spinoffs, and a whole extended universe for you to explore.

Not watching Star Wars is like living under a rock. And people shouldn’t live under rocks. They should live in houses with Blu-ray players and Star Wars on Blu-ray. I’m not saying you’re behind the times if you haven’t seen Star Wars. I’m saying you’re way behind the times. They finished the original trilogy. Then they finished the prequel trilogy. Now they are starting a whole new trilogy. It’s the perfect time to jump on the bandwagon. And I won’t talk to you scruffy-looking Nerfherders until you do.

Critically Rated at 4/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Star Wars

Star Wars is one of the best movies of all time. It might have been officially renamed Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope, but it will always be Star Wars. George Lucas was a genius once, and this was his directorial highlight. Some people will say Empire Strikes Back is better, and I will tell them that Irvin Kershner directed Episode V, and that maybe they should shut the fuck up and let the real nerds talk about Star Wars.

There are three types of people in the world. People who have seen Star Wars and love it, people who have seen Star Wars and hate it, and people who have never seen Star Wars. The people who either love or hate Star Wars can agree on one thing: you are a freak if you haven’t seen Star Wars. I don’t even know how it’s possible to have not seen Star Wars at this point. It practically is pop culture.

Even if you haven’t seen Star Wars you know that Luke Skywalker has some sort of beef with Darth Vader. You know that Han Solo has a man-dog friend named Chewbacca. And you know that Princess Leia has cinnamon buns for hair. You also know the basic plot: a boy must grow up and face his destiny and embarks on the classic hero’s quest. There’s the everyman, the rogue shifty ally, the damsel in distress, the old wizard/mentor, and the villain with a powerful weapon. There are swords, knights, honor/chivalry, and space ships, robots, and aliens. And don’t forget about the fucking lightsabers, bro.

Star Wars was supposed to be a flop. The idea was so ambitious and the technology was so limited, it didn’t seem like it could possibly be a success. But the story and characters resonated with the audience. John Williams created music as iconic as the visuals on the screen. The world was changed. This was the first true sci-fi blockbuster. Movies are supposed to be an escape. Star Wars took you to a whole new universe and the movie stays with you long after you see it. Some people devote their lives to Star Wars. I can’t blame them because reality bites but Star Wars is awesome.

Critically Rated at 16/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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