Monthly Archives: May 2014

May 6, 2014 · 1:09 pm

Throwback Jerseys

Throwback jerseys are sports uniforms that are made to look like a team’s old jerseys. Almost every major American sports leagues have turn-back-the-clock nights where the teams wear throwback jerseys. The National Football League and the National Basketball Association have cool throwback jerseys, but I prefer Major League Baseball’s throwbacks. The MLB made throwback jerseys popular. The MLB has a much deeper, richer, and extensive history than the NFL and NBA. They have more memorable teams and stars from different eras. They also have an insanely long season so they have a lot more games where the players rock retro uniforms. Sometimes they even wear defunct Minor League team jerseys or even classic Negro League ones. They honor their past and they don’t run from it.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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May 5, 2014 · 2:19 pm

Don’t Offend the Plumber

I was at my friend’s house the other day and I was feeling parched so I asked him if I could grab a glass of water. He handed me a glass, I took it, and I went over to the sink. I turned on the faucet, filled my glass, and took a sip. It was warm. I dumped it out, filled up my glass again, and took another sip. It was even hotter. I dumped it out, double-checked the faucet and made sure that it was on the cold side, filled up my glass again, and took another sip. It was scalding hot. That’s when I realized that the hot and cold were switched. If I wanted cold water, I had to go turn it to the hot side. I asked my friend why it was reversed. He shook his head and told me the story of how he once accidently insulted a plumber that was fixing a leak. The plumber got offended and switched the hot and cold water out of spite. It’s been like that ever since. The moral of the story is don’t offend the plumber. He can fuck with your pipes and fuck with your mind.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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May 5, 2014 · 2:16 pm

Driving Without Your Headlights On

Headlights (or headlamps) are lamps attached to a vehicle that light up the road. They make driving at night a lot easier. It really helps being able to see where you are going. That’s why driving without your headlights on is dangerous and stupid. Most new cars have headlights that turn on automatically, but older models have to be turned on manually. It’s not uncommon to see someone driving around without their headlights turned on in a city because the streets are generally well lit and bright, no matter what time of the night it is. You should get the driver’s attention and point out that his headlights are off. Flashing your headlights is the universal way of saying “Yo dumbass, turn on your fucking lights!” And that dumbass will be thankful, because you made the world a safer place and he avoided getting a ticket. Sometimes you’re the dumbass driving without the lights on. You’ll try to justify it with some excuse or other. There is no excuse. You endangered lives. Somebody could have died. You should feel terrible.

Critically Rated at 7/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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May 4, 2014 · 1:14 pm

Star Wars Day

May 4th is Star Wars Day, a day to celebrate Star Wars. Why May 4th? Because May the Fourth is vaguely reminiscent of “May the Force be with you.” It’s a bit of a stretch, but it works. There’s no set way to celebrate this holiday. Most people repost a Star Wars related meme on Facebook, but there are lots of other ways to celebrate. You can watch the original trilogy and pretend that there is no prequel trilogy. You can speak backwards all day like Yoda. You can style your hair like Princess Leia. You can try to communicate by only speaking in Star Wars quotes. It’s just a day to release your inner nerd and not be judged for it. Star Wars Day has become so popular that it even has a sequel holiday on May 5th, known as Revenge of the Fifth. Nerds love bad puns.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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May 4, 2014 · 1:12 pm

Chia Sweet Peach

Chia Sweet Peach is a chia and juice smoothie from Naked. Chia is the trendy new superfood these days. Yeah, it’s the same chia you know and love from Chia Pets. Only this time it’s in a smoothie, 10,000mg of it, along with peach juice, orange juice, mango juice, and apple juice. It’s delicious, fruity, and healthy for you. It’s great breakfast beverage. And it helps to eliminate hangovers. You know you’re not going to stop drinking, so at least be prepared by keeping one of these in the fridge. You’ll thank me when you wake up with a throbbing head.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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May 3, 2014 · 9:04 am

Giving a Stranger Directions

I had a closing shift at work the other night and got out late. It was nearly midnight by the time I got to the subway station. All I wanted was to catch the first train and get home as soon as possible. As I was waiting for the train, a tourist came up to me and asked me how to get to his hotel. He told me the cross streets and showed me the general vicinity on a paper map that he was carrying. The map didn’t show any transit lines so I busted out Google Maps on my iPhone to find out the best way to get there. I found out the best route for him to take, and it turns out that my train was going his way. So I told him to follow me and I would tell him where and when to get off. I showed him the route that Google Maps recommended and handwrote the directions onto his paper map. We got to his stop, I pointed the way for him to walk, and I wished him luck. He thanked me a thousand times and I told him not to worry about it a thousand times. Giving a stranger directions is good karma. Especially when you take the time to give him the right directions. I should go buy a lotto ticket and capitalize.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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May 3, 2014 · 9:02 am

NightTime (beer)

Petaluma’s Lagunitas Brewing Company consistently brews amazing craft beers, and they’ve done it again with NightTime. NightTime is a limited release American Black Ale with an 8.2% ABV. It pours a dark brown, almost black color with a thin tan head. It has a mellow aroma of citrus hops, pineapple, mango, and pine. The taste is a nice balance between citrus and pine hops and roasted malt, with some spice and maybe a little rye. It’s bitter, sweet, smooth, and dry. Black Ales aren’t my go-to brew, but NightTime is a very solid and enjoyable beer. I would get it again, and then I’d get another bottle after that. Then I would try a different beer. Life’s too short to stick to only one.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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May 2, 2014 · 10:04 am

Vertical Filming

Vertical filming is when you record a video on your smartphone without first rotating it 90 degrees. The end result is a tall and narrow video that doesn’t look natural. We see in landscape mode, not portrait mode. Movies and TV shows are often shot in widescreen. That’s what your eye wants to see. So the next time your friend does a drunken dance, flip your phone 90 degrees and record her shenanigans horizontally. You’ll notice you get a lot more hits on YouTube and more shares on Facebook. Film horizontally and save the world.

Critically Rated at 8/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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May 2, 2014 · 10:02 am

Sock Knocker (beer)

Sock Knocker is an Imperial India Pale Ale from the Coronado Brewing Company in Coronado, California. It pours a golden orange color with a thick foamy off-white head. The aroma is mostly pine and citrus hops. I also get grapefruit, orange, orange peel, and malt. The taste is as you would expect. It’s hoppy. It’s bitter. It’s delicious. There’s a lot of citrus, pine, resin, and a little malt creaminess. It’s 8.5% alcohol. It’s a satisfying craft IPA, but it really won’t knock your socks off. They lied to you.

Critically Rated at 12/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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May 1, 2014 · 11:34 am

Pedestrian Racing

Pedestrian racing is when you try to outwalk the other pedestrians on a crowded sidewalk. It’s human nature to compete with each other and you might not even be aware that you’re doing it, but the truth is that you’re constantly pedestrian racing. Watch any city sidewalk during rush hour and notice how everyone is racing each other, trying to get to their destination slightly faster than everyone else. You walk at a normal pace on an empty sidewalk, but you increase your stride with each additional pedestrian. You walk around old people and people talking on their phones and tourists taking pictures. You speed up and walk past slow-moving families and try to keep pace with the businessman rushing to a meeting. You don’t want anybody to walk faster than you. You want to be the best. Keep racing pedestrians and one day you could be.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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May 1, 2014 · 11:33 am

Hickeys

Hickeys are bruises that are caused by kissing or sucking. Neck hickeys are the most common, but there are lots of other types of hickeys. Boob hickeys and thigh hickeys are some of the better ones. A hickey is a badge of honor when you’re a teenager, but they start to lose their appeal as you get older. You reach a certain point where you feel compelled to hide them with a turtleneck or a scarf, or you avoid neck sucking all together. And that’s a shame too, because sucking on a neck is always fun. Insert your own vampire joke here, I’m too lazy to think of a good one.

Critically Rated at 10/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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