Tag Archives: plants

Air Plants

My roommate is out of town for a few days and she left me in charge of watering the plants. She has a pretty solid collection of plants, but she wrote me down detailed instructions for how to take care of each one. She spelled it out for me. The plants in the mason jars on the window just needs a little bit of water. The Jerusalem Cherry gets a complete soil soaking. the avocado trees need to be fully soaked and drained in the sink. The elephant ear plant needs a full bottle of water poured all around the dirt. And the air plants need to be soaked in a bowl full of water, but only for an hour. She told me to do the air plants first because they were the most important. I’m not much of a botanist, i will admit that I had no idea what air plants are. I found all the other plants okay, but no air plants. I had to text my sister to ask what they were. She said they didn’t need soil and that people usually hang them from the ceiling or put them in teapots. I searched the entire apartment searching for something that matched that description. All I found were a couple of things like looked like cactus tumble weeds in glass containers on a bookshelf. I texted my sister back and said I didn’t see anything hanging from anywhere. She told me to take a video of the apartment and she would try to spot them. I made a quick video tour and went it to her. I also summoned up the courage to text my roommate and ask her what air plants are. I received responses from them both at the same time. The air plants were those little fuckers that I thought were cactus in the glass containers on the bookshelf. Mind blown. I was amazed, flabbergasted, and stunned. I never knew that air plants were even a thing before today. It makes me wonder how many times I walked past air plants before thinking that they were cacti. You learn something new everyday. Today I learned about air plants.
Critically Rated at 11/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Poison Oak

Nature wants to kill you and poison oak is proof. Most of the US has to deal with poison ivy. I’m from California and we have poison oak. It’s pretty much the same thing: an innocent looking plant with leaves in clusters of three that produces an oil that irritates your skin. If you get the oil on your hands, anywhere you touch will get an itchy and painful rash. Irritation is kind of an understatement; it can make your scrotum shrivel up to resemble a prune. I once had it so bad that I couldn’t even run in P.E. class. It’s pretty frightening when your junk’s all shriveled and chafed and covered with red blotches. And it’s one helluva humiliating excuse note. Poison oak is nature’s way of keeping you on trails while hiking and from shitting in the woods at night. Respect nature. Treasure your junk.

Critically Rated at 3/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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A Walk in the Park

I am lucky enough to live next to Golden Gate Park in San Francisco, one of the best parks in the world. It’s bigger than NYC’s Central Park. That means it is better. Popularity and politics aside, if you are lucky enough to live close to a park too, I suggest that you take some time and enjoy a walk in the park. You’ll experience fresh air and sunshine. You’ll see birds and squirrels and trees and flowers and be reminded that Nature is a real thing and not just something you see on the Discovery Channel.

It’s good to be out in open space, standing on grass and dirt rather than concrete and trash. Sometimes you forget about nature when you live in a city. A walk in the park makes you remember that your roots are in caves, not in cubicles. And going outside is free entertainment. Appreciate it and take advantage of it.

Critically Rated at 16/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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