Tag Archives: pass gas

Fart Ban

Mandy and I were together for about four and a half years before she passed away. In all that time, she never once farted in front of me. Well, at least never intentionally. She might have let some slip out while she was sleeping but those don’t count. She didn’t want to fart in front of me. I returned the favor and didn’t fart in front of her either. It was an unspoken rule at first, a casual fart ban if you will, but it eventually came up in a few conversations with other couples about how to keep up the magic and passion in relationships. We both thought that you shouldn’t fart in front of someone you want to have sex with. It’s not attractive.

I farted in front of Mandy one time and one time only. To be honest, I farted on her. But it was her fault. We were lying in bed on a lazy Sunday, I told her to pull my finger, she did, and I let one rip. She got a little mad, but she should have known better. Don’t pull fingers if you don’t want to be farted on.

That was a one time incident, and we stuck to not farting in front of each other. However she would always tell me when she had to use the bathroom, so it kind of defeated the anti-farting pact. Holding your farts in isn’t the key to a successful relationship, but it definitely doesn’t hurt. And if you can fart unashamedly in front of your significant other, good for you. Let those farts fly. I’m not judging.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Crop Dusting

Crop dusting is the art of discreetly farting at a specific target as you casually pass by. You can crop dust an empty area (but that’s not fun). Most of the time you’re aiming at a specific person or a group of assholes. It’s pretty easy. Just build up some gas, nonchalantly walk by, and as you approach the target you let ‘er rip. Just make sure it’s silent and you don’t shit yourself. Don’t get caught. If they know that you just farted on them, you failed, and they will rightfully get pissed at you.

If you’re new to crop dusting, you should probably start off by crop dusting babies and dogs. Babies can’t narc on you and they’re crying all the time anyway. Dogs can’t talk and have a heightened sense of smell, so it’s the perfect crime. Practice makes perfect, but don’t get carried away.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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