December 10, 2013 · 10:59 am

The Heimlich Maneuver

The Heimlich maneuver is a technique used to help somebody who is choking. You’ve seen it a thousand times on TV shows and in movies, and maybe you’ve even seen it in real life. It’s not the recommended way to stop choking anymore because it can cause abdominal bruising, but it’s still an effective way to save a life. I personally would prefer a bruised abdomen over not being alive anymore. The Heimlich maneuver is simple to learn and easy to mimic. It seems like every few months you will hear about some elementary school kid saving a classmate with the Heimlich maneuver. They always say they learned it from watching cartoons. TV saves lives, there’s no denying it.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 9, 2013 · 12:20 pm

Accidently Hitting the Eject Button on the Keyboard

I have a MacBook Pro that I use all the time. It’s a great computer, I love it, and I use it all the time. My only complaint about it is that the eject button is right above the delete key. I don’t know how many times I’ve hit the eject button by mistake. I do it all the time. It drives me crazy. I’ll be in the writer’s zone, where all the words just spill from your fingers onto the screen, and my pinky will slip while I’m trying to do a quick edit, ejecting whatever DVD is in in the disc drive and causing me to lose my train of thought. Then I have the option of putting the DVD back where it belongs or reinserting it back in. I usually put it back in, and then I have to wait for the DVD to load so I can quit the DVD player so I can get back to work. It only takes about a minute, but that’s a minute that I can never get back. Accidently hitting the eject button on the keyboard won’t kill you, but it takes a little of your life away each time.

Critically Rated at 6/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 9, 2013 · 12:17 pm

Nineteen Eighty-Four (book)

Nineteen Eighty-Four is one of the most important novels of all time. George Orwell’s classic story is about one man’s quiet rebellion against an oppressive society. Winston Smith is a citizen of Oceania, one of three global superstates engaged in a never-ending war. Oceania is a fascist and totalitarian society ruled by the Party. Big Brother is the enigmatic mustached leader of the Party, and he is watching you. Anything that you say or do that goes against the Party makes you an enemy of the Party. Even the thought itself is a crime.

Winston works at the Ministry of Truth, where he spends his days revising and editing historical records so that they comply with the Party’s version of events. He has no family or friends, just acquaintances in the form of neighbors and coworkers. He passes the time by drinking gin, smoking cigarettes, and trying to hide his hatred for Big Brother. He wants to rebel, but he doesn’t know how. But his life changes when a young woman takes a chance and confesses her love for him. They begin a secret love affair, each one knowing that it’s a death sentence.

This is a very political book. It’s about power and control, oppression and suppression. It was written in 1948 and published in 1949, back when 1984 was still a futuristic fantasy. 1984 came and went almost thirty years ago, but it still seems like it could happen. George Orwell may have a bleak view of the world but that doesn’t mean he’s not right about it. Good literature can change the way you view the world. This novel is proof.

Critically Rated 16/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 8, 2013 · 11:41 am

Table Snatchers

If you are a server/waiter, table snatchers should be one of your biggest pet peeves. A table snatcher is a coworker who steals one of the tables in your section. You’ll notice that you got sat, you’ll go over and greet the table, and they’ll tell you that somebody already took their order. You’ll be confused for a minute, wondering if this is really your table or if one of the managers took their order. Then you see your sleazy coworker bringing drinks out to the table, the same coworker who always tries to steal your tables. You call her out on it and she plays dumb, pretending like she didn’t know which tables were in her section. You know that she knows and she knows that you know that she knows, but she still acts like it was an innocent mistake and she offers you a shitty table in her section as compensation. Don’t take the table. It’s better to be mad. Table snatchers are dirty, rotten thieves that try to steal your customers and your tips while feigning ignorance. Fuck that, and fuck them. Don’t fuck around with my money.

Critically Rated at 3/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 8, 2013 · 11:30 am

Heroine India Pale Ale

Heroine India Pale Ale is an IPA from Petaluma, California’s 101 North Brewing Company. This is a pretty standard IPA with a nice malty aroma with resin, pine, floral, and citrus hops. It has a nice bitter taste. It has a good balance between toasted and caramel malts and pine and citrus hops. It vaguely reminds me of a red ale. It’s very drinkable and goes down creamy and smooth. The 7.2% ABV isn’t too impressive, but it will sneak up on you. All in all, it’s a typical IPA but the label art makes it stand out. There’s a picture of a sexy, athletic chick that has a little bit of a Jean Grey/Dark Phoenix thing going on. It’s eye-catching. People will notice it in your hand and ask you what you are drinking. I’ve already had a few people approach me out of curiosity to see what I’m sipping on and I just cracked it a few minutes ago. It’s not the best IPA, but it’s solid and satisfying and makes you look cool. What more do you need?

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 7, 2013 · 8:45 am

There’s No Universe Hall of Fame

I was having a philosophical discussion with my coworker in the break room a few days ago. We were talking about the meaning of life and about how selfish people don’t realize how insignificant they are. I used a Carl Sagan quote to get my point across: “The Earth is a very small stage in a vast cosmic arena. Think of the rivers of blood spilled by all those generals and emperors so that, in glory and triumph, they could become the momentary masters of a fraction of a dot.” My coworker nodded in agreement and expanded upon that idea. “Those assholes are wasting their time,” he said. “There’s no Universe Hall of Fame. Give it enough time and nobody’s going to care, and nobody’s even going to remember.”

That blew my mind. It’s such a simple and obvious fact. There is no Universe Hall of Fame. And even if there were, humans wouldn’t be in it. We are terrible creatures. We are parasites. We move into an area, use up all the resources, and move on. But whatever, I digress… You might be able to change the world, but that won’t have any affect on the universe whatsoever. That might sound depressing, but it’s incredibly freeing. Your life is your life, so live it your way. Don’t worry about what everyone else is doing, don’t compare yourself to them, and don’t rate people. They aren’t going into the Universe Hall of Fame either.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 7, 2013 · 8:43 am

Weihenstephaner Vitus

Weihenstephaner Vitus is a weizenbock from Germany’s Bayerische Staatsbrauerei Weihenstephan. Weihenstephan was founded in 1040, and they claim to be the World’s Oldest Brewery. Weihenstephaner Vitus is one of their flagship beers, and for good reason. This is one of the best wheat beers I’ve ever had. It has a rich banana aroma complimented by citric, coriander, and spice notes that tantalize your nose. It tastes like it smells. I get hints of banana, cloves, citrus, wheat, coriander, and sweetness. It has a 7.7% ABV, which is higher than I expected. You can’t even taste the alcohol. This is a very satisfying beer, perfect for cold December nights like this one. I would get it again, but I need to learn how to pronounce it first.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 6, 2013 · 8:57 am

Facebook Poke

I don’t understand Facebook’s Poke option. I went to my friend’s profile and I poked her. She poked me back a few hours later. I don’t know what to do now. Do I poke her again? Should I call her or text her now? Should I leave a comment on her wall? I don’t want to seem desperate. Are you even supposed to poke your friends? Or are you just supposed to poke girls you want to hook up with? All I know is that I don’t want to poke my grandma. The Facebook Poke might be the most unnecessary feature in all of social media. What’s the point of a virtual poke? Poking is one of the most annoying things to do in real life. Every time you physically poke somebody, they get mad and tell you to stop poking them. Nobody likes to be poked, online or off.

Critically Rated at 7/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 6, 2013 · 8:55 am

Life Hacks

Life hacks are simple but clever tips and tricks to use in your everyday life. A lot of them involve solving a problem with a common object that you have lying around. For instance you can use a straw to core a strawberry, binder clips to organize cables and wires, or using a sheet of paper to make an impromptu CD case. Other life hacks show you how to use objects more efficiently, like tying extension cords together to keep them from pulling apart, peeling a banana from the bottom, and unrolling those disposable paper condiment cups for maximum dipping potential. And some life hacks are about creating culinary treats that are easy and delicious to make, like cooking cupcakes in ice cream cones, or pouring pancake batter over bacon to make bacon pancakes. The internet is full of life hacks. Some of them are more practical than others, but you need to be careful. Some of them don’t work, and some of them are totally fake and are intended to fuck with gullible minds. I’m telling you right now, you can’t charge your phone by nuking it in the microwave. You should check out life hacks if you have some time to kill. You might find a trick that will change your life.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 5, 2013 · 10:03 am

Repeal Day

December 5th is Repeal Day, my favorite underrated holiday. It’s the anniversary of the 21st Amendment getting ratified, which ended prohibition in the United States. Drinking was suddenly legal again, and the country rejoiced and celebrated with a drink. It’s not like people weren’t getting drunk during prohibition, but the 21st Amendment’s passing meant that they didn’t need to hide it anymore. Prohibition failed. People drank more and they drank harder. Criminals and mobsters rose to power, supplying a thirsty nation with moonshine and hooch. Even prohibition’s biggest supporters had to admit that it was a terrible fucking idea, that alcohol was the fuel that keeps this machine running. And so they passed the 21st Amendment on December 5, 1933 and a new holiday was born. Raise your glass and wish somebody a Happy Repeal Day!

Critically Rated at 16/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 5, 2013 · 10:02 am

Iced Tea With No Ice

I once had a customer order an iced tea with no ice. It was no big deal, but it got me thinking… is it still iced tea if it has no ice in it? At my restaurant we brew iced tea with a machine. We take the teabag, we put it in the filter, we press a button, hot water runs through the teabag, cold water is added to cool it down, and the end result is a big container filled with room temperature tea. Then you serve the tea in a glass filled with ice cubes and garnished with a slice of lemon. But no ice ever makes contact with the tea until it is in the glass. Iced tea literally means tea that has been iced. It’s not iced if you haven’t used any ice. So iced tea with no ice doesn’t really exist and it’s definitely not on our menu.

Critically Rated at 9/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 4, 2013 · 11:19 am

Your Fly is Down

You’re walking along on a hot day and feel a breeze on your face. It feels good until you notice that you can feel the breeze downstairs too. Your fly is open and you’ve just realized it now. Awesome. You wonder how many people saw. You wonder what they saw. And you also wonder why nobody said anything. Surely one Good Samaritan could have whispered “XYZ” as he passed by you. You feel like a fool when you find out your fly is down. It’s like walking around with something in your teeth, but even worse because it potentially involves your genitals. Always check that your fly is up. Nobody deserves to be arrested for indecent exposure because of a faulty zipper.

Critically Rated at 8/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 4, 2013 · 11:17 am

Dogfish Head 90 Minute Imperial IPA

Dogfish Head was one of the first craft brewers to really explode and kick off the current beer renaissance that we are enjoying today. Their 90 Minute Imperial IPA has won them awards and recognition from beer drinkers from all over the world. A lot of people say it is a perfect IPA. You can’t consider yourself a beer buff if you’ve never tried it. It has a well balanced aroma of hops and malt, flowers and honey. The flavor is pine and citrus hops, bready malt, and hints of coffee and caramel. It goes down clean, creamy, and smooth. It’s very well-rounded and you can’t even notice the 9.0% alcohol content. This is a gateway beer. Once you try a premium craft beer like this, you can’t go back to that mass-produced lager bullshit.

Critically Rated at 16/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 3, 2013 · 10:34 am

Drano

Drano is either a brand name or a generic term for liquid drain cleaning products. It’s basically a liquid plumber. You pour it down a clogged drain or a backed up sink, wait fifteen minutes to a half hour, and flush it out with hot water. Drano eats through hair, grease and gets rid of the clog. It just might take a little bit of time and more than one bottle. Drano is kind of like a drug. You use it once and it kind of works, but then the clog comes back so then you need to get more Drano. And the clog goes away for a little bit, and then comes back worse than before, so you get two bottles of Drano. And the clog will come roaring back, so you get even more bottles of Drano. It stops working but you can’t stop using it. It’s designed to get you hooked on it. You end up a Drano user for life.

Critically Rated at 10/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 3, 2013 · 10:32 am

Jaywalking

Jaywalking is when somebody crosses the street recklessly or illegally. Back in the day, jay meant an inexperienced person. So you’re a bad walker if you’re jaywalking. You should work on that. If you go to any major city you will see some asshole running across four lanes of traffic instead of using the crosswalk. Jaywalking is against the law and dangerous. Pedestrians get hit by cars and splattered all the time. I know that jaywalking is a little bit of a thrill, but it’s not worth it. It doesn’t save you that much time and it’s a stupid thing to get a ticket for. You should go to YouTube and watch Russian dash cam videos if you want to see professional jaywalkers in action. Those fuckers are crazy.

Critically Rated at 7/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 2, 2013 · 11:03 am

Screeching Tires

The sound of tires screeching over pavement is like none other, instantly recognizable and totally unique. It’s an uncomfortable sound, like nails going down the chalkboard but with more violent results. It’s the sound of impending doom, chaos, uncertainty, and it makes your skin crawl. You instantly freeze up in anticipation of a violent crash whenever you hear tires screeching. It’s not a happy noise. You’re acutely aware that is the last sound that thousands of people hear right before they die. More times than not, screeching tires just mean that a car is slowing down. But every once in a while it’s the sound that foreshadows a tragedy.

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 2, 2013 · 11:00 am

Double Bastard Ale

Double Bastard Ale is the older brother to Stone Brewing’s Arrogant Bastard Ale. It’s an American Strong Ale with a hearty 11.2% ABV. Long story short, it gets you drunk. It smells of coffee, chocolate, pine, bourbon, and toasted malt. It’s very bitter on the tongue. Like shockingly bitter. You should take a deep breath and mentally prepare yourself before you take your first swig. It’s almost like biting into a lemon. You can taste pine and citrus hops, caramel and coffee malts, and dark fruits. My one complaint is that it’s almost too boozy. It tastes too much like alcohol on the first couple of sips. It settles down eventually though, and each sip seems to get better. This is a genuine craft beer, full of flavor and personality. But I still think Arrogant Bastard is a little better.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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