Tag Archives: fly

A Fly on the TV

I was watching TV the other day and a fly landed on the screen. It would stay in one spot for a little bit, then it walk over to a different spot for a while, then it would find a new spot to hang out in. It made it really hard to focus on whatever I was pretending to watch. There should not be a fly on the TV. The fly should be flying, not walking around keeping me from enjoying my Netflix. I don’t know how a little bug could be such a big distraction, but I can’t even stand a screen with a dead pixel. There’s no way I can ignore a fly. Flies are way bigger than pixels.

Critically Rated at 4/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Your Fly is Down

You’re walking along on a hot day and feel a breeze on your face. It feels good until you notice that you can feel the breeze downstairs too. Your fly is open and you’ve just realized it now. Awesome. You wonder how many people saw. You wonder what they saw. And you also wonder why nobody said anything. Surely one Good Samaritan could have whispered “XYZ” as he passed by you. You feel like a fool when you find out your fly is down. It’s like walking around with something in your teeth, but even worse because it potentially involves your genitals. Always check that your fly is up. Nobody deserves to be arrested for indecent exposure because of a faulty zipper.

Critically Rated at 8/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Sucking Up Houseflies

I came home the other day and noticed that there were seven flies buzzing around my kitchen. They were bumbling and bumping into the window, desperately trying to find a way out. I took it upon myself to give them a way out, and I’m not talking about opening a window. I looked around for an old newspaper or magazine to roll up, and then my roommate’s brand new DustBuster caught my eye. Basic math will tell you that a DustBuster + Household Pests = Sucking Up Houseflies. It’s just as fast as swatting them with a newspaper and it won’t leave fly corpses on the floor or any blood smears on the wall. I can’t quite call it humane, but it’s less violent and that’s gotta be worth something. The DustBuster is bagless, so those fuckers are just chilling in the tank, trapped like prisoners in an inescapable cell. Let this be a warning to all the other flies, bugs, spiders, and pests in the world. Don’t fuck with me or I’ll DustBust your ass too.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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An Annoying Buzzing Fly

You finally get the chance to sleep in for the first time in a few weeks. But you can’t. Because a fucking fly keeps buzzing by your head. There is a whole world to explore, but that little fucker wants to fly around your room. He’ll slowly circle around you, occasionally crashing into and trying to escape through the window, before giving up and buzzing by your head again. He knows you are trying to sleep and he’s trying to get you frustrated and keep you awake. An annoying buzzing fly will torture you into insanity.

Critically Rated at 9/17

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