Tag Archives: crosswalk

Crosswalk Revolution

I was walking around downtown San Francisco and had to cross the street. I went to the crosswalk and waited for the light to change and for the little green guy telling me it’s ok to go. A couple of people came to wait behind me. The light still didn’t change. A few more people started waiting behind me. The light still didn’t change. I looked to the right. No cars were coming. I looked to the left. No cars were coming. A quick glance to the right, still no cars. So I started to cross the street. And the people behind me followed me. I lead a crosswalk revolution. We crossed the street in defiance of the light and the law. We could have been hit by a car or fined for jaywalking but the sky didn’t fall and nothing happened except for everyone getting to their destinations a little faster. Would I do it again? Absolutely. And I already have. I’m a badass like that.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Jaywalking

Jaywalking is when somebody crosses the street recklessly or illegally. Back in the day, jay meant an inexperienced person. So you’re a bad walker if you’re jaywalking. You should work on that. If you go to any major city you will see some asshole running across four lanes of traffic instead of using the crosswalk. Jaywalking is against the law and dangerous. Pedestrians get hit by cars and splattered all the time. I know that jaywalking is a little bit of a thrill, but it’s not worth it. It doesn’t save you that much time and it’s a stupid thing to get a ticket for. You should go to YouTube and watch Russian dash cam videos if you want to see professional jaywalkers in action. Those fuckers are crazy.

Critically Rated at 7/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Double Pressing the Pedestrian Crossing Button

I had to cross a busy street today, so I sauntered over to the crosswalk and hit the pedestrian crossing button and waited for the light to change. Barely two seconds after I hit the button, another guy walked up and pressed the button again. I don’t know why he had to hit it too, he just saw me fucking press it. Maybe he assumed that I didn’t do it right and doesn’t trust my pressing technique. Maybe he’s just really good at pressing buttons and he has to show off his skills to random strangers. No matter what, there’s no point in double pressing the pedestrian crossing button. It’s not going to make the light change faster and it’s going to make whoever pressed it first resent you.

Critically Rated at 6/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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