Category Archives: Entertainment

TV, Movies, etc

January 17, 2013 · 11:19 am

Hot Shots! (film)

Jim Abrahams (Airplane!) directs this Top Gun parody starring Charlie Sheen, Cary Elwes, Lloyd Bridges, Jon Cryer, Kevin Dunn, and Valeria Golino. This was made back in the days when parody films were actually smart and clever, before it devolved into shit like Epic Movie and Vampires Suck. You have to respect the source material if you’re going to make a funny parody. You can’t just slap scenes and gags together to lengthen the film’s running time.

Hot Shots! actually has a plot. Topper Harley (Charlie Sheen) is a top Navy pilot with some daddy issues. He’s a natural pilot but is self-destructive, something that his therapist/love interest (Valeria Golino) tries to help him with. Cary Elwes plays a rival pilot feuding with Topper. His future Two and a Half Men co-star Jon Cryer also plays a fellow pilot and Kristy Swanson walks around in a bra, which is nice.

Even though this is a parody, it’s still a pretty solid film. It has a real plot, the characters actually develop, and the end result is an 83% approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes. Compare that to the 2% and 4% rating for Epic Movie and Vampires Suck. There is a joke or a gag every few seconds and most of them are hysterical. But there is also continuity to the jokes. When Lloyd Bridges spits pudding on Kevin Dunn’s face, the pudding stays on his face until he wipes it away. There is a Chihuahua that has the unfortunate habit of getting sat on. The funniest jokes are reoccurring ones.

Charlie Sheen carries the picture. He’s kind of like a younger Leslie Nielsen: they are both comedic actors, but they aren’t really comedians. They both have a deadpan delivery while doing the absurd. Hot Shots! isn’t as funny as Airplane!, but that’s a tough act to follow.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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January 15, 2013 · 7:50 am

Spider-Man 2

Spider-Man 2 is the second installment of the Sam Raimi Spider-Man trilogy. It’s among the best superhero movies to date, both critically and commercially. Tobey Maguire, Kirsten Dunst, and James Franco all reprise their roles and Alfred Molina joins the cast as Dr. Otto Octavius/Doctor Octopus. The film is about Peter Parker struggling to juggle his responsibilities as Peter Parker and as Spider-Man. He’s got relationship problems, a friendship on the rocks, and a crazy villain to deal with.

The first Spider-Man movie was pretty good. It was a decent origin story about a fun character with serviceable action scenes, but the sequel takes Spidey to new heights. It does everything that you want a sequel to do: the story is more interesting, it references the original, there’s more action and more elaborate special effects. You don’t have to introduce the main characters; you can just jump right into the story and have fun.

My biggest gripe with the movie is that Doc Ock can take an awful lot of punches. His mechanical limbs don’t give him super strength. I’m pretty sure that Spider-Man’s punch would shatter his skull. He’s still the best villain in the series though, even with Alfred Molina’s saggy man tits. The subway sequence was almost too awesome and exhilarating. It made the climax look lame by comparison. And something about Kirsten Dunst repulses me slightly.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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January 13, 2013 · 11:46 am

Your Highness (film)

Your Highness is a 2011 stoner comedy/fantasy parody film. It’s almost like a follow-up to Pineapple Express. It has the same director (David Gordon Green) and two of the main actors (Danny McBride and James Franco). But it’s not as funny, not as solid as Pineapple Express. It’s still one of the best sword and sorcery stoner films though.

Danny McBride stars as Thadeous, a lazy prince who is jealous of his older brother Fabious. Fabious (James Franco) is the cliché prince/brave knight, going on quests and rescuing princesses and whatnot. He returns from one such quest with the virgin Belladonna (Zooey Deschanel) from the evil warlock Leezar. Leezar kidnaps her back, and Thadeous is forced to help Fabious on his quest to kill Leezar and get her back. They go on a quest and meet pedophilic wizards, naked nymphs, horny minotaurs, and Natalie Portman.

Your Highness has its moments, but a lot of jokes fall flat. The whole movie is based on a weird concept. It would play better as an SNL sketch as opposed to a full-length feature. They run out of gags and the plot is already stretched too thin. It’s a funny movie and it might be worth watching, but it’s not worth owning.

Critically Rated at 11/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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January 12, 2013 · 11:33 am

Using Lines From a Porno in Real Life

I wish you could get away with using lines from a porno in real life. Not to pick up girls. I mean using it like “That’s what she said.” Someone says something innocent to prompt it. So if someone asks why my shirt is wrinkled, I could respond with, “It needs to be for a cock like this.” Conversation over. I walk away victorious. They stand there, jaw dropped, wondering what just happened. Sometimes people quote a porno by accident. You’ll ask your little brother if he likes his birthday present and he’ll say, “Oh yeah, you don’t even know how much.” And you’ll wonder why he’s quoting every porno ever until you remember that he’s seven years old and you watch way too much porn.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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January 12, 2013 · 11:29 am

Ouija Board

A Ouija board is a way to contact spirits or scare your stupid friends. Everyone gathers around the board, which is inscribed with the alphabet, numbers, and symbols. They each put a finger on the pointer piece. The pointer moves around and spells out words and phrases. You can use it to solve murder mysteries, predict the future, or find out which celebrities are secretly gay. Ouija boards are for kids and drunk teenagers these days, but they used to be associated with the occult, dark magic, and demonism. I miss the old days.

Critically Rated at 10/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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January 11, 2013 · 11:05 am

Pumping Iron (documentary)

Pumping Iron is a 1977 documentary about the world of professional bodybuilding. It’s directed by Robert Fiore and George Butler and first follows Mike Katz and Ken Waller preparing for the amateur Mr. Universe competition and then Lou Ferrigno and Arnold Schwarzenegger preparing for the professional Mr. Olympia competition. This is the movie that launched Arnold’s career. And it’s real life.

If you like gladiator movies but want something even more homoerotic, this is the film for you. One of the highlights is Arnold Schwarzenegger describing how working out is like cumming, how being onstage performing is like cumming, how he feels like he is cumming all the time. And there’s a lot of footage of buff guys in Speedos rubbing oil all over each other throughout the film, in case you were wondering.

There’s actually a lot more to bodybuilding than man-on-man massages. There’s finesse, there’s technique, and there’s a psychological side to it that’s hard to master. Arnold Schwarzenegger mastered it. He’s portrayed as the villain, the reigning Mr. Olympia five years running, and he’s not above manipulating people to gain an edge. Lou Ferrigno is the hero. He’s earnest, hardworking, and trains with his father in private while Arnold works out in the spotlight. But Arnold is Arnold; you can’t help but like him, no matter how arrogant and conceited he is. Lou Ferrigno is boring. Arnold is larger than life. He conquered bodybuilding and Hollywood, he became governor of California, he married a Kennedy… Ferrigno’s biggest claim to fame is playing the Incredible Hulk on a TV show because CG didn’t exist then.

Check out Pumping Iron if you like documentaries, Schwarzenegger movies, or watching guys work out from the privacy of your home.

Critically Rated at 11/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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January 10, 2013 · 11:33 am

Zombieland

There are two major classifications of zombie movies. They are either horror films or parody films. Zombieland is one of the latter. That mean’s it’s funny. Ruben Fleischer makes his directorial debut and Jesse Eisenberg stars as a college kid struggling to survive in a post-apocalyptic world. He teams up with a few other survivors, played by Woody Harrelson, Emma Stone, Abigail Breslin, and Bill Murray makes a cameo as himself.

The movie begins with Columbus (Eisenberg) explaining how the world has gone to shit and become infested with zombies. He has a list of rules (like cardio, limber up, check the back seat, enjoy the little things) that he follows religiously to stay alive. He meets another survivor going by the name Tallahassee (Harrelson).  Tallahassee is a badass with a knack for killing zombies and a soft spot for Twinkies. They form an unlikely partnership and soon come across sisters/con artists Wichita and Little Rock (Stone and Breslin). Despite the sisters stealing their guns a few times, the four of them team up and start heading to Pacific Playland, which is supposedly free of zombies.

Along the way they start bonding and getting to know each other. They hang out with Bill Murray for a little bit. Then there’s a conflict and the group separates. The sisters go to Pacific Playland and attract a horde of zombies, but Columbus mans up and rescues them with some help from Tallahassee. The girls are saved, Columbus gets the girl, and Tallahassee gets a Twinkie.

Zombieland is a good movie. It has an interesting premise, it’s funny, it has a great cast, and a distinctive look. It’s not the best zombie parody (Shaun of the Dead was funnier and smarter), but it’s definitely entertaining and worth watching. Jesse Eisenberg carries the film. He plays shy, nerdy guys better than anyone else in Hollywood. He’s like a suave, un-annoying Michael Cera. Woody Harrelson’s always fun to watch but his character is kind of one-dimensional, even with the revelation that he can’t cope with the death of his son. Emma Stone looks as lovely as ever. And you can’t go wrong with Bill Murray in one of the best cameos of all time.

Zombies are in right now. You should have seen this movie by now. You’re slacking if you haven’t. It’s been out for a few years now. You better get on that shit.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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January 9, 2013 · 10:57 am

Pump Up the Volume (film)

Pump Up the Volume is a 1990 film written and directed by Allan Moyle about a high school kid with his own pirate radio station. Christian Slater stars as Mark Hunter, a shy kid by day and a vigilante DJ by night. Mark is a loner and a loser at school, but each night he transforms into Happy Harry Hard-on and voices his complaints about his school and community. His opinions get him loyal followers and his show gets increasingly popular. He’s too controversial so the parents, faculty, and the FCC decide to shut him down, but not before he exposes the corrupt principal and encourages his followers to “talk hard.” Really. “Talk hard” is one of the taglines of the film. It’s even on the poster.

I used to watch this movie on TV as a kid. I finally got around to seeing the actual movie, uncut and without commercials, and it’s much better. Happy Harry Hard-on swears excessively, talks about cock rings, and pretends to masturbate on the air. Plus you get to see boobies. Remember that terrible Super Mario Bros. movie? Remember Princess Daisy in that? You get to see her boobs. And they pop up unexpectedly too. That’s the best kind of boob scene: when you’re not expecting anything and then BAM! Boobs.

Pump Up the Volume is about a teenager questioning the world and demanding answers. That’s why it’s still relevant to this day. Only now people have Facebook, YouTube, and a million other ways to make their voices heard on the Internet. They don’t need to hijack radio waves and piss off the FCC. 20 years ago teenagers had no voice. The Internet gave them one. Now they can’t shut up about Justin Beiber.

Critically Rated at 11/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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January 8, 2013 · 11:04 am

The Sandman: The Kindly Ones

The ninth volume of Neil Gaiman’s  The Sandman is the longest one of the series. It collects issues #57-69 and wraps up a lot of the plotlines of The Doll’s House and Brief Lives (Volume 2 and Volume 7). A trio of witches (known as the Furies, the Erinyes, or the Kindly Ones) set out on a path to destroy Morpheus for his shedding the blood of his family. But can they destroy Dream of the Endless?

The book starts with little baby Daniel getting kidnapped. His mom, Hippolyta Hall, goes crazy trying to find him and blames Morpheus for losing him. She vows to kill him and the Furies/Kindly Ones are all too willing to help her out. Morpheus killed his own son, and spilling the blood of your family gives the Furies the power to destroy you. Morpheus learns that actions have consequences and he must pay for the mistakes in his past.

This is one of the most important volumes in the series. It’s pretty much the climax of the series. Plus Morpheus dies. Sorry if that ruins anything for you, but I just had to see if you’re really reading this. I guess you are. You’ll just have to read the book to find out how and why it goes down.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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January 4, 2013 · 11:35 am

You Don’t Know Bo (documentary)

You Don’t Know Bo is an ESPN 30 for 30 documentary about Vincent “Bo” Jackson. Considered by many to be the greatest athlete of the 20th century, Bo had an incredible but brief career playing in the MLB and in the NFL. He was a natural athlete: big, strong, fast, with natural ability, and an arm like a cannon. Director Michael Bonfiglio combines footage of Bo’s athletic feats on the gridiron and diamond with interviews with Bo Jackson, his teammates, his coaches, and other people who witnessed him play. It starts with his childhood in Bessemer, Alabama and features notable events like winning the 1985 Heisman Trophy, being the only athlete to play in both the MLB All-Star game and the NFL Pro Bowl, the Nike Bo Knows marketing campaign, the hip injury that ended his football career, the rehab and ultimate return to baseball with an artificial hip… this is a pretty thorough bio.

Bo Jackson was larger than life. He was a professional baseball player with so much athletic potential that he took up professional football as a fucking hobby. He didn’t need spring training or practice. Just put him in a game, any game, and let him do his thing. This film lets you reflect on his greatness and makes you wonder what could have been if he hadn’t gotten hurt. This is another solid 30 for 30 production.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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January 3, 2013 · 11:49 am

Runnin’ Down a Dream (documentary)

If you like Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers and have 4 hours to kill, you should check out Peter Bogdanovich’s documentary about the band. Tom Petty is the shit. He’s one of the last real rock stars. You know his songs even if you aren’t too familiar with him. He’s on more movie soundtracks than John Williams, he’s played the Super Bowl Halftime Show, and he’s been selling out shows with his band for more than thirty years.

The documentary starts at the beginning with a young Thomas Earl Petty growing up in Gainesville, Florida with an abusive father, a loving mother, and a passion for Rock n’ Roll. Petty grows up and hones his talent, finding his future bandmates Mike Campbell and Benmont Tench on the way. You learn about his first band Mudcrutch and hear testimony about how driven he was to succeed. Mudcrutch dissolved and Petty formed a new band: Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers. The documentary goes through the members, albums, songs, tours, anecdotes, tragedies and triumphs of the band and the man.

They use a lot of rare footage and personal videos from the band to tell their history. When they are talking about the drive to California and the car breaking down, they show the car broken on the side of the road. They talk Ron Blair eating a bunch of hash before a TV appearance and point out how glazed his eyes are.

If you’re a fan of Tom Petty’s music than you’ll love this film. His hits are constantly playing in the background, they show lots of concerts, and you get to know the man behind it all and see what drives him. He’s a poet, he’s a storyteller, and his music is timeless. Don’t let the four hour long running time intimidate you. It’s hard to cram thirty+ years of history into a few hours.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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January 2, 2013 · 11:33 am

Temporary Tattoos

Temporary tattoos are fake tattoos that fade away after a few days or get scrubbed off with soap and water. They are popular with kids, hipsters and drunk people. You can get them in one of those quarter vending machines in front of the grocery store or in packs of Fruit Stripe Gum. You get your arm wet, stick the tattoo on for a minute or two, peel it off, and voila! A fucked up temporary tattoo! Those things never fucking work. Only half of the faux tat will show up or it will be all smudged and blurry. Even if it does work, the novelty of it wears off almost instantaneously. I sometimes wonder if anybody loved their temporary tattoo so much that they got a real tattoo of it. If I ever get one, I’m going to get a real Fake Tattoo tattoo.

Critically Rated at 11/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 30, 2012 · 11:41 am

Inglourious Basterds

Inglourious Basterds is Quentin Tarantino’s seventh film and an abomination of spelling. It’s your basic World War II fairy tale, taking place in an alternate timeline. The basic plot involves a Jewish-French chick and a ragtag group of soldiers trying to kill Hitler. And everyone has snazzy dialog because it’s a Tarantino movie.

Brad Pitt plays Lieutenant Aldo Raine, the leader of the Jewish-American “Basterds.” The Basterds enjoy spending their time killing and scalping Nazis. One of their main targets is Hans Landa (Christoph Waltz), a.k.a. the “Jew Hunter.” Landa is a formidable foe. His job is to track down Jews and he does his job well and without mercy. He’s a master of languages and is cunning and diabolical. His only mistake was letting the young Shosanna Dreyfus (Mélanie Laurent) escape from his clutches.

Shosanna goes on to change her name to Emmanuelle Mimieux and takes over a small cinema. One day she gets the opportunity to host a Nazi movie premiere that will be attended by the Nazi elite, including Hitler. She decides to use the opportunity to kill him. The Basterds also have a plan to kill Hitler. The result is rather explosive when two Hitler assassination plots merge in a Tarantino movie.

The best thing about the movie was casting Christoph Waltz as Hans Landa. He steals every scene; it doesn’t matter whether or not he is speaking English, German, French or Italian. You hate the guy and you like hating the guy. It makes it really satisfying when Aldo carves a swastika in his head. The worst thing about this movie is all the foreign languages resulting in a whole lot of subtitles. I don’t mind subtitles most of the time, but sometimes I just want to watch a movie without reading.

Inglourious Basterds is a good film. But it’s not one of Tarantino’s best. Reservoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction, and the Kill Bill saga are better. Inglourious Basterds is too ambitious with too many plot holes. For instance, Aldo’s plan never would have worked if Landa didn’t have a secret agenda. All in all, this is a solid film and is required viewing if you’re a Tarantino fan.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 29, 2012 · 11:38 am

American Horror Story: Murder House

American Horror Story: Murder House is the first season of the acclaimed FX series. Dylan McDermott and Connie Britton star as Ben and Vivien Harmon, who move into a haunted house in an attempt to repair their broken marriage. Taissa Farmiga plays Violet, the brooding teenaged daughter. The Harmons have to deal with a nosy neighbor with a hidden agenda and the many deceased occupants of their new home.

McDermott and Britton do a good job as the main characters, but Jessica Lange steals every scene that she’s in. She plays Constance Langdon, the next door neighbor with an obsession for the haunted mansion. She used to live in the mansion and quite a few of her dead children call it home. Her son Tate (Evan Peters) is her pride and joy, despite the fact that he’s a homicidal high school shooter and a ghost. Naturally, Tate and Violet start to fall for each other.

There are quite a few dead residents living in the mansion. There’s a maid that appears to be old to some people and appears as a sexy minx to other people. Ben’s ex-fling gets murdered and moves in. Zachary Quinto and Teddy Sears play a dead gay couple. Even Mena Suvari found time to play a ghost.

As with most shows, the characters make or break the show. American Horror Story: Murder House has great characters. Most of the episodes are interesting enough to keep watching, but the show fizzled at the end. The last episode was downright terrible. Yeah, it tied up loose ends, but it was really cliché and a let down. It sucks getting to the end of a season and being disappointed. It makes you want to give up on the series. Luckily the second season is like a whole new show. It takes place in a different time with different characters and with an asylum as the setting.

Murder House is a good start to a good show. It’s kind of scary and kind of creepy, but it’s more of a character-based thriller with ghosts. The first few episodes suck you in and get you addicted pretty quickly. There are cool characters and crazy twists and interesting backstories. But that last episode really sucks.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 28, 2012 · 9:52 am

Forgetting Your Headphones

Portable music players are really good for listening to music on the go (obviously). It seems like everyone has an mp3 player or a smartphone with mp3 capabilities these days. But forgetting your headphones makes your mp3 player a glorified paperweight. What good is a music player if you can’t hear the music? Forgetting your headphones for your daily commute is annoying enough, but forgetting them when you go on a vacation is downright frustrating. Music is essential for any road trip/train ride/flight. It drowns out engine noise, loud passengers, and crying babies. They make it easier to ignore people. Without your headphones you might have to make conversation or read a book to pass the time. Or you could take a shit ton of sleeping pills, that’s probably more fun.

Critically Rated at 4/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 23, 2012 · 10:49 am

Listening to Stupid People Talking About Movies

The other day I heard two old ladies talking about movies. One lady was telling the other about how she wanted to go see Django Unchained. But she didn’t know what it was called or who directed it: “I want to see that new cowboy movie from that guy who directed that ‘Basterd’ movie. Dee-jenga something.” I wanted to slap her in the fucking face. How can anyone talk about Tarantino films without knowing his name? You can’t talk about a movie if you don’t know what it’s called, who directed it, or the actors in it. You can’t talk about something that you know nothing about. You shouldn’t share your opinions if you don’t know anything. You should probably just shut the fuck up.

Critically Rated at 3/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 19, 2012 · 8:56 am

Russian Dash Cam Videos

Russian roads are some of the most dangerous in the world. They have to deal with ice, snow, a deteriorating infrastructure, road rage, drunk drivers, drunk pedestrians, insurance scam artists, and the occasional horse crossing the road. Seriously anything can happen at any time. Naturally people got fed up and started installing dash-mounted cameras to record the chaos so that they have proof of what happened for insurance purposes. The next step is to upload those videos to the Internet for entertainment purposes. Sites like YouTube and LiveLeak are filled with hours and hours of horrifying accidents, narrow misses, down right bizarre incidents, and a few that showcase surprising acts of kindness (like a tough guy stopping his car in the middle of traffic to help an old lady cross the street). Reality TV is scripted and predictable. Russian dash cam videos are as real as it gets. Watch a couple of them and you won’t bitch about potholes again.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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