Category Archives: Entertainment

TV, Movies, etc

February 9, 2013 · 10:29 am

The Rundown

The Rundown has everything that you want in an action flick: a buff leading man, a funny sidekick, a beautiful girl, and Christopher Walken. It even has a priceless artifact and face-humping monkeys. What more could you want?

Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson stars as Beck, a bounty hunter who wants out of the game. His final job is to track down his boss’s son Travis (Seann William Scott). Travis has been hiding in the jungle searching for a priceless artifact known as the Gato. Travis wants the Gato for fame and glory, but he’s not the only one who wants it. A rebel named Mariana (Rosario Dawson) wants it to save her people and Christopher Walken wants it because he’s the bad guy.

Beck just wants to get Travis and go home. But everybody else wants the Gato and that’s what gets the plot going. Beck and Travis tromp around the jungle looking for the Gato, trying to avoid Christopher Walken’s henchmen, angry rebels, and horny monkeys. There are lots of cool fight scenes all leading up to a fierce battle at the end.

This is a really fun movie. The editing is fast and fierce and never boring. There’s a quick cameo by Schwarzenegger passing the action hero torch to The Rock. The Rock does a good job. Most action stars are just big and buff and don’t talk much. The Rock kicks ass and can carry a conversation. This is basically a buddy flick and it wouldn’t work if Beck and Travis didn’t have any chemistry. Seann William Scott is pretty funny as usual if you like his cocky/smug style of humor. Christopher Walken has a delicious rant about the Tooth Fairy: “Do you understand the CONCEPT of the Tooth Fairy?!?” Anything he does is golden. Rosario Dawson is hot but her character doesn’t get naked and that’s a shame.

Despite the lack of nudity, The Rundown is still a great action movie. Director Peter Berg balances humor with action and created a movie that deserves more recognition. It’s easily one of The Rock’s best movies (yes, even better than The Scorpion King or Escape to Witch Mountain). Watch it. You’ll probably like it.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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February 7, 2013 · 10:36 am

Masters of the Universe (film)

Sometimes Hollywood movies are just glorified toy commercials. Look at Transformers, Battleship, G.I. Joe… but it’s not a growing trend, it’s been like that for decades. One of the earlier toy commercial movies was Masters of the Universe, a cheesy 1987 sci-fi flick starring Dolph Lundgren as He-Man and Frank Langella as Skeletor.

The movie starts with Skeletor taking over the planet Eternia. He-Man and his pals manage to thwart his plans involving the Cosmic Key by sending it to Earth. Julie (a young Courtney Cox) and her boyfriend find the Cosmic Key and activate it without knowing what it is. Skeletor’s troops pick up on its location and it’s up to He-Man and his friends to keep it from falling in the wrong hands.

This is one of Dolph Lundgren’s best roles but he’s a little lost without Sylvester Stallone holding his hand. He looks like He-Man, he runs around being big and hitting things. He doesn’t speak much and when he does he sounds like Stallone. It’s kind of off-putting. Luckily Frank Langella handles most of the dialog. It’s always nice when a formidable villain is extremely articulate about exposition and repeatedly explains what is going on and what is at stake.

The movie doesn’t make much sense. There’s a half-assed plot and underdeveloped characters. Nobody learns anything. Julie (Courtney Cox’s character) actually regresses. In the beginning she’s grieving her recently deceased parents and getting ready to say good-bye to her boyfriend and leave her hometown to start a new life. That’s what you do when you’re a senior in high school: you leave home and you face the real world. But at the end of the movie Julie’s parents are magically brought back to life and she decides to stay. She didn’t grow as a person or learn from her experiences. She decided to retreat back into childhood instead. That’s not a happy ending.

The only reason to watch this movie is for nostalgia. Don’t watch it if you’ve never seen it before. You wouldn’t be able to appreciate its glory. And if you’re gonna watch it again, I recommend doing so with a lot of booze.

Critically Rated at 10/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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February 5, 2013 · 10:25 am

Justice Volume 3 (comic)

The final four issues of Justice are collected in the third volume. The first two volumes are setting up the story and this one resolves everything in an epic way. Alex Ross and Jim Kreuger’s story reaches its exciting conclusion as the Justice League of America squares off against the formidable Legion of Doom with the fate of the world at stake. There are huge fights and battles between good and evil. And futuristic-looking superhero armor to jazz things up.

The best way to solve problems is resorting to violence, and so the JLA decide to punch their way to victory. They use their superpowers and smarts to punch the bad guys and save the day. There are dozens of DC characters, both famous and obscure ones, facing off and fighting and punching their way through the plot. Alex Ross and Doug Braithwaite’s stunning artwork makes the punches look incredible.

There are a lot of characters and a lot of things going on. It’s not as convoluted as Crisis on Infinite Earths, but you’ll still be lost if you’re a newcomer to comics. There are just too many names and powers and histories to keep track of. You can still admire the artwork though. It’s stylistically realistic and fantastic to look at. It’s not essential reading but it’s still nice to own.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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February 3, 2013 · 10:57 am

Super Bowl Sunday

It’s Super Bowl Sunday, America’s favorite pseudo-holiday. Football is the religion of choice for a lot of people. Super Bowl Sunday is like Christmas, New Year’s and Flag Day all rolled into one. The Baltimore Ravens face off against the San Francisco 49ers in New Orleans. Oh, and in case you haven’t heard, the two head coaches are brothers so everyone is talking about the Harbaugh Bowl (or Harbowl if you like puns). Some people are talking about Ray Lewis playing his last game. Everyone else is Kaepernicking.

The weird thing about the Super Bowl is that nobody is allowed to say it. It’s always “The Big Game” or some variant. It’s dumb; everyone knows that “The Big Game” is the Super Bowl. I don’t know why the NFL is so opposed to free advertising. I know that the NFL is a business, but they are stingy as fuck. They would charge you for the ice in your soda if they were a restaurant.

The Super Bowl boosts the economy in a lot of ways. Beer and alcohol sales skyrocket. Chips, dip, salsa, wings, cheese plates, and pork rinds fly off the shelves. Big screen TVs and surround sound systems get sold out. And I’m pretty sure that adult diaper sales also increase because you can’t go to the bathroom. You can’t miss the game and you can’t miss the commercials and all that beer has to go somewhere.

Enjoy the game, enjoy the day, and enjoy the people you’re spending it with. Get drunk, eat food, make bets, and have fun. And no matter the outcome, respect your city. It’s a game, not a reason to go riot.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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January 30, 2013 · 10:27 am

A.I. Artificial Intelligence (film)

A.I. Artificial Intelligence had the potential to be one of the best films of all time. Stanley Kubrick and Steven Spielberg collaborating on a movie about robots and the future seems like a guaranteed hit. It starred the kid from The Sixth Sense before he hit puberty and was still a bona fide child star. It even had Jude Law playing a sexbot. This was a whole new world to explore but it becomes a glorified version of Pinocchio.

Henry and Monica Swinton (Sam Robards and Frances O’Connor) are a loving couple with a kid in a coma. To pass the time they decide to adopt David (Haley Joel Osment), an advanced mecha with the ability to love. He’s programmed to love his mommy like he’s a real boy. He fills a void in her life and things are good for a while. Then her real son wakes up and David is obsolete. She decides that abandoning him in the woods is better than destroying him. She ditches him and David can’t understand why she doesn’t love him.

He decides that becoming a real boy is the only option. So he hits the open road with his faithful robot teddy bear and a pimpbot named Gigolo Joe in search of the Blue Fairy, who he believes will grant his wish to become a real boy. Spoiler alert: it doesn’t happen. Instead there’s a ridiculously bad ending. It’s a disappointing conclusion to a disappointing movie.

The movie looks cool. It has great visuals and special effects. But it just doesn’t work. It’s hard to pinpoint where it all went wrong. It probably started when Kubrick died and they decided to make it anyway. This was also one of the first signs of Spielberg losing his touch. He still makes decent films, but they are no longer iconic. A.I. is forgettable and regrettable. You probably haven’t thought about it for years until you read this obscure review for it. Did I mention the terrible, terrible ending?

Critically Rated at 9/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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January 29, 2013 · 9:56 am

Justice Volume 2 (comic)

The Justice League is under attack by a group of supervillains and it looks like the JLA is in trouble. Volume 2 contains issues 5-8 of DC’s Justice. Jim Krueger and Alex Ross wrote it, and Alex Ross also paints over Doug Braithwaite’s sketches. This is the second act of the story, and the second act is usually the darkest.

The comic starts with our heroes being attacked simultaneously. Most of the JLA is separated from each other and the Legion of Doom seems to be kicking ass. You find out that Lex Luthor, Brainiac and Gorilla Grodd are the masterminds behind everything. They have a diabolical plan and an uneasy alliance. The villains are able to keep a step ahead of the JLA by using mind-controlling worms and kidnapped loved ones to keep the JLA in check. Will the JLA get their shit together and defeat the bad guys? I wonder what Volume 3 has in store…

JLA comics are awesome because DC has so many iconic heroes and villains. A lot of fan favorites get some time to shine in this comic. Even lesser characters are more interesting in an ensemble. Captain Marvel seems like less of a tool when he’s saving Superman. The story is epic: you have superpowers and magic and gods and aliens and humans with utility belts. But the story takes a backseat to the amazing artwork. Larger than life, but still realistic.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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January 28, 2013 · 11:03 am

Tax Return

Only two things are certain in life: death and taxes. They are both inevitable. But you only die once and you have to do a tax return every year. Filing taxes is one of the many steps to becoming a functioning adult. You grow up relying on your mommy and daddy doing it for you. Then you realize that you can’t rely on them forever so you go to H&R Block and pay someone else to do it for you. Doing your tax return isn’t that bad, but Americans are lazy and like to bitch about things and have other people do things for them. There are lots of easy tax return programs you can use to do your taxes yourself. I use the TurboTax SnapTax app on my iPhone. You just take a picture of yourW-2, fill out a few questions, pay a little fee, and it sends all your info and does everything for you. You don’t even need to wear pants. Try that at H&R Block.

Critically Rated at 4/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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January 26, 2013 · 8:48 am

Tetris

Tetris is just one step in the Soviet Scheme to take over the world. Step 2 is Rocky IV. And step 3 involves vodka and AK-47s. I was pretty bored the other day and decided to buy Tetris for my iPhone. It’s only 99 cents and money grows on trees, so I downloaded it and started playing it. Big mistake. Everyone knows that Tetris is addicting. I just didn’t think that it would take over my life. I play it on the train to work. I play it before I clock in. I play it on my lunch break. I play it on the train ride home. And then I play it some more to relax. I’m not even that good at it. But the OCD side of me wants to keep Tetrising. Those damn falling blocks haunt my dreams and control my life. Games are supposed to be fun, not habit-forming addictions that destroy your life. Oh yeah, in Soviet Russia, game plays you.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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January 26, 2013 · 8:45 am

Orange October (documentary)

Orange October is an Internet miniseries about the miraculous and memorable 2012 San Francisco Giants postseason. There are twelve episodes, each one about 5-7 minutes in length. You have to watch this if you’re a Giants fan. You get to relive all the best moments of the postseason and remember how we won all of those elimination games with clutch hitting, great defense, and bizarre Angels in the Outfield-type moments. This documentary chronicles each game and the key plays and contributors as the Giants defeated the Reds, Cardinals, and finally the Detroit Tigers on their way to winning their second World Series title in three years. The 2012 SF Giants were destined to win and no one can deny that they earned it. So check out SFG Productions Presents ITC: 12 Days of Orange October while you wave your rally towel and rock your panda hat. And fuck the Dodgers.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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January 25, 2013 · 9:52 am

Justice Volume 1 (comic)

Justice is a 12-issue comic about the Justice League of America doing battle with a group of super villains. The first volume contains the first four issues. Alex Ross and Jim Krueger wrote the story with art by Doug Braithwaite and painted by Alex Ross. The twist is that the villains seem to be helping humanity and trying to save the world. They claim that the JLA are the real villains for never doing anything to change the world; they’ll save you from danger but wont save you from your meaningless life.

The story starts with a handful of villains experiencing the same dream over and over again: nuclear bombs start falling on cities around the world and Superman and his super friends are powerless to stop it. The villains team up and start healing the sick and crippled and bringing food and water to starving people. They are able to win over the public’s trust.

Even though the villains seem to be doing good things, they still have a hidden agenda that involves kidnapping Aquaman and hacking into JLA computer files to find out secret identities and weaknesses. The villains use their intelligence to stage a coordinated attack on the JLA. Will the JLA emerge triumphant? Will they find out the sinister motives behind the villains? Will they save the world?

Justice has a cool story, but the art makes it even better. Alex Ross uses paint to bring Braithwaite’s illustrations to life. Superman looks like a real guy. Even the most fantastic villains and set pieces look realistic. It humanizes the characters and makes them more relatable. It’s not the best comic ever, but it’s pretty much all you want from a comic: a cool story and cool art with cool characters. Alex Ross did the story justice. That’s a pun.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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January 25, 2013 · 9:48 am

A Slingshot

A sling shot is a small projectile weapon, commonly seen in the back pocket of Bart Simpson’s shorts. They have a Y-shaped frame made out of wood, metal, or plastic with rubber tubes attached to the prongs. You take a rock, BB, or whatever and pull back the rubber, aim at your little sister, and fire. Slingshots are a staple of childhood violence. Anyone can make a crude slingshot out of a stick and a few rubber bands. There’s no excuse for not having a slingshot in your arsenal. Most American guys had a Wrist-Rocket at some point in their childhood. I still have mine and used it as inspiration for this article. I don’t really get the chance to use it anymore, but the zombie apocalypse is coming and it’s folly to get rid of any potential weapons.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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January 24, 2013 · 11:22 am

Hot Shots! Part Deux

Charlie Sheen is back as Topper Harley in Hot Shots! Part Deux. The sequel reunites Charlie Sheen, Lloyd Bridges, and Valeria Golino with writer/director Jim Abrahams. The first film was a parody of Top Gun while this film is mostly a parody of Rambo and other action heroes. Most sequels can’t live up to expectations. This sequel is no exception, but at least they embrace that fact.

Topper Harley is recruited by the CIA to rescue some hostages being held by Saddam Hussein. He’s reluctant to go because his heart is still broken after Ramada (Valeria Golino) dumped him a few months earlier. But he goes because that’s what the script requires him to do. It turns out that Ramada is on the rescue squad too, and her husband is one of the hostages. So there’s like a love triangle and funny action scenes. That’s pretty much what this movie is.

It’s funny. It’s not as funny and not as clever as the first movie, but it’s still a good follow-up. There seems to be a lot more pop culture references in this one, which really dates the film. A lot of jokes will go over your head if you never experienced the early ‘90s. Not a great sequel, but better than mediocre.

Critically Rated at 10/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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January 23, 2013 · 10:04 am

Dear Zachary: A Letter to a Son About His Father (documentary)

This documentary will change your life. When filmmaker Kurt Kuenne’s childhood friend was murdered, Kuenne set out to make a documentary about him to show his son one day. The goal was to interview the friends and family of Andrew Bagby to paint a portrait for the son who would never know him. But real life is crazier than any Hollywood story and the loving tribute for a fallen friend becomes a quest for justice.

There once was a promising young doctor named Andrew Bagby. He was the only child of two loving parents, he had a million lifelong friends, he was happy, funny, respected, and an all-around great guy. He also had a psychotic girlfriend who responded to their break-up by murdering him in cold blood and fleeing the country.

A few months later Andrew Bagby’s parents found out that their son’s murderer is pregnant with his child. David and Kathleen Bagby decided that their grandson should live with them and not with his murderous mother. This sets off a fierce legal battle for the custody of baby Zachary. But the legal system is flawed and justice is never easy. Sometimes there is no justice. Sometimes a mother kills her baby and herself out of spite.

This is one of the most heartbreaking films I have ever experienced. You don’t have a soul if you don’t cry. You really get a sense of Andrew Bagby’s genuine warmth and sympathize with his grieving parents. You feel outraged that his killer is allowed to walk free and feel sad for a kid growing up without his father. And you’ll never get over the shocking conclusion to this true story. If you have 90 minutes and a box of Kleenex to spare, check out this film.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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January 22, 2013 · 8:52 am

It’s Spider-Man

Who is your favorite Marvel character (that’s not in the X-Men)? If you said Spiderman, you are wrong. If you still insist that it’s Spiderman, you are still wrong. You can’t be a Spiderman fan if there is no Spiderman. That’s because it’s Spider-Man. Peter Parker is Spider-Man. That’s the name of the character that Stan Lee and Steve Ditko created and named. It’s Spider-Man. Not Spiderman. It’s not his last name. If you respect the character, you’ll respect the hyphen.

Critically Rated at 11/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

The Amazing Spider-Man wallpaper

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January 21, 2013 · 11:07 am

Bookmarks

Not so long ago, before the arrival of Kindles and Nooks, there were real books. Real books had real pages made out of real paper. If somebody had to stop reading, they would put a bookmark in the spot where they left off. It was a great way to remember where you were in the story. They are called bookmarks because they marked your place in the book. Bookmarks used to be real physical objects, made from paper, cloth, leather, or some crappy art project a 5-year-old made. Now bookmarks are all electronic and you use them to save your favorite porn sites on the Internet. That’s progress.

Critically Rated at 9/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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January 20, 2013 · 10:50 am

Waiting… (film)

Waiting… is an independent comedy written and directed by Rob McKittrick. It centers on a day in the life of a group of servers working at Shenaniganz (your stereotypical corporate restaurant like Chili’s or Applebee’s). Ryan Reynolds and Justin Long star as two servers that are stuck in a rut and working the dinner shift.

The film explores all the stereotypes of servers. Dean (Justin Long) feels trapped and doesn’t want to spend his life waiting tables. Monty (Ryan Reynolds) has accepted his fate and embraces his future with the restaurant. There’s the bitchy waitress who has been there way too long and the shy trainee. There’s the lesbian bartender and sexy young hostess. There’s the stupid manager who doesn’t know how to manage. There are the lazy bussers, horny Mexican chef, and angry white cook. You recognize all these people if you’ve ever worked in the service industry.

Waiting… could be a documentary. That’s pretty much what it’s like working at a corporate restaurant. Your coworkers are all your friends. You have fun and bullshit your way through each shift before partying with everyone after work. Except for the excessive food-dropping and genital flashing, everything is pretty accurate. It’s a funny movie no matter what, but it’s even better if you’ve ever worked in a restaurant. It should be mandatory viewing for anyone in the service industry. If you’ve seen this movie, you’ve seen my life.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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January 19, 2013 · 9:58 am

The Sandman: The Wake

All good things must come to an end. The Wake is the tenth and final volume of The Sandman series by Neil Gaiman. There are other comics about Death and his unusual siblings so there’s a lot more Sandman mythology to explore, but the main story ends here.

The first three issues are about the funeral and wake for our old pal Morpheus. While Daniel is trying to settle into his new role as Dream of the Endless, everyone is trying to come to grips with the fact that Morpheus is gone and what that means. The other issues are stand-alone stories about how Morpheus affected a few mortal dreamers. There’s a follow-up on Hob Gadling, the guy who refuses to die. There’s a story about an exiled Chinese dude nearing the end of his life. And it all concludes with William Shakespeare completing his pact with Morpheus by writing his final play for him.

Reading The Sandman is a pretty daunting task. 75 issues spread over 10 volumes is a lot. You feel like you accomplished something when you’ve read all of it. And then you want to find someone else who has read it so that you can talk about it. You want to share it with somebody. You want everybody to know that The Sandman is fantastic; that it’s deep and rich and amazing, that they should have fucking own it and read it once a year. You can’t keep good literature to yourself, that’s just selfish.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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