Tag Archives: beers

Beer Theft

I had a shitty shift the other night so I went out for drinks with two coworkers. This bar is like our Cheers, we own that spot. The bartenders know us by name and they know what we drink. We bought a round, sat at our usual table, raised our glasses, and started drinking. We finished the first round and ordered another. After a few sips, someone suggested a smoke break and it seemed like a great idea. My friend and I were drinking draft IPA, my other buddy had a bottle of cider, and we each put a coaster on the top of our drinks. That’s the international sign for I’m Coming Back so Don’t Touch my Drink. We went outside and did our thing, and when we came back inside the beer glasses were empty with the coasters strewn aside. The cider remained untouched so I know it wasn’t a freak act of nature or an alcoholic ghost. No man, we got beer jacked. Our beers were practically full, but it was obvious that we had sipped from them. Somebody stole our used beer. I didn’t even know that people could stoop that low. That’s like somebody siphoning your gas in your own driveway. You feel used, violated, and scared to trust anyone ever again. Beer theft happens. Be aware.

Critically Rated at 1/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

1 Comment

Filed under Drinks

Super Bowl Sunday

It’s Super Bowl Sunday, America’s favorite pseudo-holiday. Football is the religion of choice for a lot of people. Super Bowl Sunday is like Christmas, New Year’s and Flag Day all rolled into one. The Baltimore Ravens face off against the San Francisco 49ers in New Orleans. Oh, and in case you haven’t heard, the two head coaches are brothers so everyone is talking about the Harbaugh Bowl (or Harbowl if you like puns). Some people are talking about Ray Lewis playing his last game. Everyone else is Kaepernicking.

The weird thing about the Super Bowl is that nobody is allowed to say it. It’s always “The Big Game” or some variant. It’s dumb; everyone knows that “The Big Game” is the Super Bowl. I don’t know why the NFL is so opposed to free advertising. I know that the NFL is a business, but they are stingy as fuck. They would charge you for the ice in your soda if they were a restaurant.

The Super Bowl boosts the economy in a lot of ways. Beer and alcohol sales skyrocket. Chips, dip, salsa, wings, cheese plates, and pork rinds fly off the shelves. Big screen TVs and surround sound systems get sold out. And I’m pretty sure that adult diaper sales also increase because you can’t go to the bathroom. You can’t miss the game and you can’t miss the commercials and all that beer has to go somewhere.

Enjoy the game, enjoy the day, and enjoy the people you’re spending it with. Get drunk, eat food, make bets, and have fun. And no matter the outcome, respect your city. It’s a game, not a reason to go riot.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

Leave a comment

Filed under Entertainment

Forgetting Which Beer is Yours

People drink. And people drink socially. One unfortunate byproduct of drinking with other people is that a few other people will have the same drink as you. It’s not a big deal if everyone holds on to their drink the entire time the whole time, but that’s not going to happen. You’ll set your beer down to go to the bathroom or to go out to smoke. And other people will do the same. You’ll come back to your spot and see three identical beers where you left your suds. Forgetting which beer is yours sucks, but if you’re not sure which one is yours then just take whichever one has more beer left.

Critically Rated at 10/17

Leave a comment

Filed under Drinks