Tag Archives: steven spielberg

A.I. Artificial Intelligence (film)

A.I. Artificial Intelligence had the potential to be one of the best films of all time. Stanley Kubrick and Steven Spielberg collaborating on a movie about robots and the future seems like a guaranteed hit. It starred the kid from The Sixth Sense before he hit puberty and was still a bona fide child star. It even had Jude Law playing a sexbot. This was a whole new world to explore but it becomes a glorified version of Pinocchio.

Henry and Monica Swinton (Sam Robards and Frances O’Connor) are a loving couple with a kid in a coma. To pass the time they decide to adopt David (Haley Joel Osment), an advanced mecha with the ability to love. He’s programmed to love his mommy like he’s a real boy. He fills a void in her life and things are good for a while. Then her real son wakes up and David is obsolete. She decides that abandoning him in the woods is better than destroying him. She ditches him and David can’t understand why she doesn’t love him.

He decides that becoming a real boy is the only option. So he hits the open road with his faithful robot teddy bear and a pimpbot named Gigolo Joe in search of the Blue Fairy, who he believes will grant his wish to become a real boy. Spoiler alert: it doesn’t happen. Instead there’s a ridiculously bad ending. It’s a disappointing conclusion to a disappointing movie.

The movie looks cool. It has great visuals and special effects. But it just doesn’t work. It’s hard to pinpoint where it all went wrong. It probably started when Kubrick died and they decided to make it anyway. This was also one of the first signs of Spielberg losing his touch. He still makes decent films, but they are no longer iconic. A.I. is forgettable and regrettable. You probably haven’t thought about it for years until you read this obscure review for it. Did I mention the terrible, terrible ending?

Critically Rated at 9/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom

Indiana Jones returns to the big screen in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. This sequel is actually a prequel, Raiders of the Lost Ark takes place in 1936, and this is set in 1935. Indy is on the hunt for a mystical stone, not nearly as exciting as the Ark of the Covenant, but whatever advances the plot does the job. George Lucas wrote and produced the movie and Spielberg directed it. It’s not as good as Raiders, but it’s a satisfying sequel.

The movie starts with a musical number at Club Obi Wan in Shanghai. That’s quite a turnaround from the opening sequence in Raiders of the Lost Ark. Indiana Jones shows up and is wrapping up an exciting adventure that involves a diamond and an antidote to some poison that Indy drinks. We are introduced to an obnoxious American showgirl named Willie Scott (Kate Capshaw) and Indy’s exploited Asian sidekick Short Round (Jonathan Ke Quan). Jonathan Ke Quan is a Vietnamese actor who is playing a Chinese kid because Hollywood is racist and all Asians look alike. Indiana, Willie, and Short Round escape on a plane, but their plane is owned by the criminal they barely escaped from. They end up using a raft as a glorified parachute and find themselves in the main plotline.

After falling thousands and thousands of feet and sliding down a mountain in an inflatable raft, Indy and his pals find themselves in an Indian village. The villagers are in trouble and need Indy’s help. It seems that some assholes from Pankot Palace stole their sacred stone and kidnapped all the kids. The kids seem to be an afterthought, they really want their magic rock back.

Indiana agrees to help them because he’s Indiana Jones and the movie would suck if he didn’t do anything. So he heads to Pankot Palace with Willie and Short Round. They meet the young Maharajah, the king of Pankot Palace and they enjoy a lavish feast, complete with eyeball soup and chilled monkey brains for dessert.

Indy gets attacked by an assassin and decides that something is not quite right in the palace. He goes snooping around and finds a bunch of hidden passageways and tunnels that lead to the Temple of Doom.

Inside the Temple of Doom is a freaky cult of freaky fuckers that believe in child labor, human sacrifice, and ripping beating hearts out of people’s chests. Indy, Willie, and Short Round are all captured by the evil cult. Short Round gets to join all the child slaves, Willie gets to be a human sacrifice, and Indy gets to be converted into a brainwashed cult zombie.

Short Round manages to escape and snaps Indy out of his trance, and he frees Willie, and they celebrate by taking a roller coaster ride in a mine cart. After that fun ride, there’s some drama involving a rickety bridge with hungry crocodiles. Indy, Willie, and Short Round emerge triumphant and return to the village with their magic rock and all the kids. I’m glad the kids are ok, but I’m just so relieved that they got their stupid stone back. Priorities, you know?

This movie is a decent sequel, but it differs from the Indian Jones formula in a few ways. In Raiders of the Lost ark and in The Last Crusade, the story takes you all around the world, it’s a global trek. Temple of Doom constricts you and keeps you focused on one place, the titular Temple of Doom. The ending is very conclusive and is really happy. The other movies end but leave the story open, and they don’t end with a romantic kiss and a bunch of happy kids.

There are some truly memorable moments like the raft-parachute and the mine cart chase… both sequences were cut out of Raiders for timing reasons. The rope bridge sequence, the eyeball soup, beating hearts ripped from living victims, and Short Round… this movie had some great moments of its own.

This isn’t a great sequel. It lost some of the momentum from the first movie, but they get it back in the third. You can tell that they aren’t quite sure what Indiana Jones represents, but they get back on track for The Last Crusade (and ruin everything in Crystal Skulls). This movie has its moments and it’s still required viewing if you want to call yourself a movie buff.

Critically Rated at 12/17

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Raiders of the Lost Ark

Indiana Jones is a cinematic icon. Steven Spielberg, George Lucas, and Harrison Ford were at the top of their game when the stars aligned and they came together to create Raiders of the Lost Ark. Harrison Ford created another character as classic and memorable as Han Solo, a nearly impossible feat. This film is nonstop action. Each action sequence is memorable and, more importantly, relevant to the plot. Indiana Jones is a hero who can’t quite catch a break, but refuses to fail.

Raiders of the Lost Ark Movie Poster

The opening sequence sums up Indiana Jones in a nutshell. He’s tromping through a jungle and explores a long lost temple. He discovers a rare object of indescribable historical significance and experiences booby traps and sudden betrayals and reveals his fear of snakes. Everything you need to know about the character and the trilogy is summed up spectacularly in the first few scenes. I say trilogy because there was no fourth movie that destroyed the franchise and made Shia LaDouche the heir apparent to donning the fedora and whip.

Indiana Jones is an archeology professor, one of the best in the world and he is recruited to by some military suits to keep the Nazis from finding the Ark of the Covenant. Indy’s old mentor Abner Ravenwood has a medallion that could reveal the location of the Ark, so Indy goes to find him before the Nazis do. Indiana Jones finds Abner’s daughter, Marion (Karen Allen), who says that Abner is dead and that she doesn’t know where the medallion is. It’s clear that Marion and Indy have a romantic past and that she’s bitter about something. Some Nazis come looking for the medallion and Indy saves her and the two of them team up and to Cairo with the medallion that she had the whole time.

They hang out in Egypt with a monkey and an old friend of Indy’s named Sallah (John Rhys-Davies). They learn a little about why the Nazis are so interested in finding the Ark and Indy finds out that his rival Belloq (Paul Freeman) is helping the Nazis find the Ark.

Indy has more information than the Nazis and is able to find the Ark. But nothing is ever easy for Indy and Belloq and the Nazis take away the Ark and trap Indy and Marion in an ancient tomb and leave them for dead. They manage to escape and there’s an exciting sequence with trucks and desert driving and Indy reclaims the Ark. Then the Nazis take it back but Indy is crafty and follows them and eventually gives himself up when he can’t destroy the Ark because it is too important. Belloq and the Nazis open the Ark and weird ghosty demons spew out and kill everyone who is watching, but Indy and Marion close their eyes and are spared because they didn’t see anything.

The movie ends with Indian Jones telling the military suits the significance of the Ark. They tell him that there are people working on it and then it cuts to the Ark in a crate being stashed into a huge warehouse with thousands of other identical crates.

Indiana Jones is a great character. He is bold and fearless but makes tons of mistakes and is flawed. He seems so brave and courageous but is scared of snakes. He seems so smart and educated but can’t spell for shit. He’s not perfect, that’s what makes him endearing. He is like James Bond but with a limp and a lisp, he’s almost as cool but can’t get away with everything. Things go wrong for him. He gets the artifact and loses it a second later. He gets in fights and fights dirty if he has to.

I remember that my dad got this movie at McDonald’s. Back in the day McDonald’s would occasionally sell movies and I remember getting a Happy Meal and coming home with the Raiders of the Lost Ark. We also got Dances with Wolves from McDonald’s too. I don’t know why that’s worth including in this review, but I had to share that with somebody.

Raiders of the Lost Ark is a great movie. It’s the start of a great franchise and there’s no doubt that it’s the best movie in that franchise. Indiana Jones is one of those few characters that transcend film. You don’t need to have seen any of the movies to recognize Indiana Jones. The leather jacket, the whip, the fedora… Indiana Jones is almost as recognizable as Mickey Mouse. If you haven’t seen this movie you have failed at life.

Critically Rated at 16/17

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Hook

What if Peter Pan grew up? According to Steven Spielberg, he would become Americanized and look like Robin Williams. Hook tells the story of a grown up Peter Pan, who must return to Neverland to save his kids from the evil Captain Hook. Robin Williams plays Peter Banning, an American lawyer who finds out he is Peter Pan, and Dustin Hoffman plays Captain Hook, the Sleaziest Sleaze of the Seven Seas.

Peter Banning (Robin Williams) is a father and a lawyer, who would rather spend his time lawyering than being with his kids. His wife Moira (Caroline Goodall) worries that Peter isn’t spending enough time with his kids Jack and Maggie (Charlie Korsmo and Amber Scott). Peter misses Jack’s baseball games and is too busy working to notice his kids. The Banning family goes on vacation to visit their Granny Wendy (Maggie Smith). Wendy claims to be the Wendy from J.M. Barrie’s Peter Pan.

While Peter, Wendy, and Moira are out one night, the kids get kidnapped. The only clue to their abductor is a note signed by a James Hook. Granny Wendy tells Peter that he is Peter Pan, and that only he can save Jack and Maggie. He has a hard time believing her until Tinker Bell (Julia Roberts) shows up and takes him back to Neverland.

Peter finds himself in the midst of a bunch of pirates, including Smee (Bob Hoskins) and the notorious Captain Hook (Dustin Hoffman). Hook offers Peter his kids in exchange for a war. Peter has three days to find his inner Pan and fight Captain Hook.

Peter finds his old allies, the Lost Boys. They don’t recognize the old geezer in front of them as their former leader, until Pockets pulls back his wrinkles and finds his long lost friend in the folds. Not all the Lost Boys are convinced that Peter Banning is Peter, most notably Rufio (Dante Basco).

As Peter struggles to discover his inner child, Captain Hook decides to brainwash Jack and Maggie into loving him. Maggie is hard to convince, but Jack already had a strained relationship with his father, so he starts to turn to Hook’s side.

Peter eventually remembers who he is, and what he can do. He finds his happy thought, and he is Peter Pan again. He and the Lost Boys launch an attack on Hook and his pirates, freeing Jack and Maggie. But this is an exciting Hollywood climax, so people die. Like Rufio. Peter and Hook have an exciting duel, culminating in Hook getting devoured by a crocodile clock. Neverland’s a bitch sometimes.

Peter Pan wins, defeats Hook, and frees his kids. And then he goes home. He did what he had to do, and he can’t stay and have fun anymore because reality is waiting. It seems like kind of a bummer way to end a fantasy about childhood immortality, but who am I to judge?

This is probably my definitive childhood movie. I saw this movie when I was six years old in the theaters. I know every single line, every single moment. I grew up on this movie. I could watch it every day and not get tired of it. It’s almost like a part of me. It impacted me, especially lines like not wanting to grow up “because everyone who grows up has to die someday.”

I’ve seen this movie a lot. And I noticed that when the dog is barking and Toodles starts saying Hook (right before the kids get snatched), you can see a teddy bear. The same teddy bear that Peter later finds in Neverland that gives him a happy thought that allows him to fly. And later Hook tells Peter that he’s only dreaming. And Peter wakes up outside in the park… Maybe he was dreaming the whole time.

The imagination banquet, where Peter first uses his imagination, is one of my favorite scenes from any movie. It starts with an awesome battle of wits between Rufio and Peter as they hurl insults back and forth at each other. Peter wins and triumphantly flings an empty spoonful of food at Rufio, and everyone is amazed as brightly colored food smashes into his face. Everyone looks around astounded as the previously empty table is filled with generous platters of the most gorgeous and spectacular dishes you’ve ever seen. It’s a feast fit for a king and your mouth waters just thinking about it. Before the miraculous moment can fully sink in, a food fight starts. Slowly at first, but then it suddenly explodes into a frenzy of food and filth and laughter. The scene represents all the themes of the film.

Robin Williams does a great job playing a workaholic father, and he is able to transition from being a gruff adult into acting like a little kid. He even shaved his arms and chest so he would look more childlike and less like a yeti. That’s commitment.

Hook is one of my favorite movies of all time. I know that doesn’t make it a good movie, but I’m biased. Check it out if you haven’t.

Critically Rated at 16/17

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The Goonies

Richard Donner (Superman, Radio Flyer) directs, Chris Columbus (Home Alone) writes, and Stevie Spielberg (it’s Spielberg, c’mon) produces this classic movie about a group of friends called the Goonies who go on an amazing adventure in search of the fabled fortune of One-Eyed Willie to save their foreclosed homes. A dangerous family of fugitives (the Fratellis) is hot in pursuit of the Goonies. It is a fun adventure movie. It doesn’t try to take itself seriously, which makes it more appealing. This is one of those rare movies that you can watch with your mom or your best friend, and if you have a little baby you’d watch it with him too. You can watch it multiple times, you want to quote it, and you want to share it with other people.

This is one of the few movies with a great cast of child actors. Casting a kid heavy film can make or break a film. This cast is on par with other great kid casts like in The Sandlot and Stand By Me. Sean Astin, Josh Brolin and a few others made the transition to become working adult actors. And Corey Feldman outlived Corey Haim, which is pretty amazing. Jonathan Ke Quan plays Data. A lot of Asians depicted in movies around this time are blatantly racist and are only there for comic relief. This movie came out a year after Pretty in Pink with the super racist caricature Long Duk Dong. In this flick, Data is just one of the Goonies. He has a few lines in Vietnamese and uses broken English occasionally, but they don’t call attention to it, and they don’t make fun of him. There are no stupid stereotypes. Data is Harold wayyyy before he met Kumar.

It is kind of weird how much Mikey grows and changes throughout the movie. He grows so much that he no longer has asthma. I don’t think it works like that. Another weird thing is calling the pirate One-Eyed Willie. It is clearly a penis reference in a movie for kids. Why not call him something more subtle like Mushroom-Tip Johnson or Pocket-Snake Dick? And how come Chunk doesn’t ask his parents if this giant deformed man-baby can live with them? He just tells Sloth he’s going to live with him now.

Weird stuff aside, if you haven’t seen this movie, then you didn’t have a childhood.

Critically Rated at 15/17

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Jurassic Park

Steven Spielberg has directed or produced some of the most iconic and influential films of the last half century: Jaws, Back to the Future, E.T., The Indiana Jones Trilogy, Hook, The Goonies, Saving Private Ryan, Schindler’s List…. All great films, but Jurassic Park is his masterpiece.

Every five to ten years a movie comes along that changes everything. It blends genres, it appeals to all ages, critics love it, audiences love it and above all else it makes movies fun again. Not just fun, magical, something that you watch and absorb and want to share and so you take your friends, your mom, your crush and you drag them out to sit in the dark and experience this event. Jurassic Park is the film that showed that computers could create realistic creatures, that showed virtually anything a director envisioned could be put on screen.

There are so many timeless moments in this movie. Dr. Grant pointing up at the Brachiosaurus and exclaiming, “It’s a dinosaur!” It was a dinosaur. I still think it’s a dinosaur. The music swells up and time stops, that sequence is stuck in your head forever. You don’t even have to have seen Jurassic Park and you know that scene. It is a staple of modern cinema; it symbolizes the transition to modern CG. There are many other great sequences, namely anything with the T-Rex. It doesn’t even matter that the ground in the T-Rex paddock suddenly drops fifty feet for dramatic effect. The Velociraptors were cunning and the kitchen sequence with the trapped kids freaked me out as a youngin’.

Jurassic Park brings up a lot of ethical questions. Is man justified in playing god? Jeff Goldblum as Dr. Ian Malcolm represents chaos theory and he blatantly states  the film’s themes: “life finds a way” and “God creates dinosaurs. God destroys dinosaurs. God creates man. Man destroys God. Man creates dinosaurs.” (“Dinosaurs eat man, woman inherits the Earth.)

The CG was groundbreaking. It still holds up today. Sure it’s not 100% there, but it serves the story and the story makes the movie. Dinosaurs were cool again. More importantly, movies were fun again.

Critically Rated at 16/17.

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The Lost World: Jurassic Park

This is the sequel to one of the best films of all time. And it is a mediocre sequel. The magic is gone. The thrill is gone. And you are stuck there, just going through the motions, hoping that something amazing will redeem this movie, but nothing does.

The problem lies with making Dr. Malcolm Reynolds the main character. He doesn’t care about dinosaurs. He doesn’t see their grace or how majestic they are. If your protagonist doesn’t care about what is happening, the audience wont give a fuck either.

Yeah, the CG is improved and you see more dinosaurs doing more things in more shots, but the story is so mediocre that the effects have no relevance. The first movie tackles ethical issues like man playing God. This movie tackles issues like a T-Rex destroying San Diego. This became a lame Godzilla movie.  This first movie was all about how dinosaurs were animals, real creatures and how they don’t belong in the modern world. This sequel is about how dinosaurs are scary monsters. T-Rex running though San Diego doesn’t have the same impact emotionally as when the T-Rex chased the Jeep in the first one.

This is a rushed, hollow sequel. It cheapens everything about the first one. If you watch the behind the scenes material, you get the sense that the filmmakers knew that they were making an inferior product. Lazy, shoddy writing, with a few decent action scenes, there’s no memorable moment that stands out in this movie. Pretty, pretty lame movie.

Critically Rated at 8/17.

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