Landing in a plane is always the most nerve racking thing about flying. You’re high in the sky and then you start slowing down. The ground starts coming closer and closer, faster and faster. The plane shakes and shudders, it jumps and jerks. And you keep telling yourself that you’re gonna be fine, that you’re not going to crash, but a part of you thinks that it’s inevitable. You know that you’re not a good flier. All you can do is hope that your pilot is. Statistically you’re the most likely to crash when you’re taking off or when you’re landing. It’s best not to think about that though. Just try to enjoy the ride. I’ve been skydiving twice before and it’s always a trip to realize that I’ve taken off in a plane more times than I’ve landed in one.
Critically Rated at 5/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young
Tag Archives: flying
Landing in a Plane
Filed under Random Rants
Tagged as flying, landing, landing in a plane, pilot, plane
Flying On a Plane
Sticking to this airport theme that I have going here, let me just say that flying on a plane is the closest thing that we have to time travel. We are bending time and space whenever we fly from place to place. Now you can wake up in California and fall asleep in Paris. Do you realize how amazing that is? They would have called you crazy if you said that a hundred years ago. They would have burned you alive if you said that three hundred years ago. Flying on a plane is like cheating. An eight-hour drive becomes a two-hour flight. It makes the world a smaller and more accessible place. It’s a miracle of the Bill Nye variety. If you’re a nervous flier, I have some advice: remember that planes are designed to be in the air and ignore the fact that humans aren’t meant to fly. And go to the airport bar. That’s why it’s there.
Critically Rated at 15/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed By Brendan H. Young
Filed under Random Rants
Tagged as airplane, flight, flying, flying on a plane, plane, time machine
Airports
Airports are some of the most interesting places on Earth. A major airport is its own little world. It reflects the city around it, like when you hop off a plane in Vegas and see slot machines in the terminal. And even though each airport is unique, they are still all the same. A lot of airports have the same features. Huge airports usually have the moving walkways, those giant treadmills that move passengers and their luggage at slightly faster speeds. Those people movers become pretty fun after a few drinks. All major American airports have a Chili’s in them. It’s required by law.
You see the same types of people at every airport. You see the tired, travel-weary passengers trying to catch a few minutes of sleep using their carry-on as a makeshift pillow. You see the frantic young couples desperately trying to quiet their screaming toddlers. You see nervous people who are scared of flying trying to find some liquid courage at an outrageously overpriced bar. You see angry people yelling at bored ticket agents. All of them are united by delayed departures and changing arrival times.
You have to deal with airports if you want to see the world. You might as well embrace them and accept them. Yeah, they have overpriced stores and expensive restaurants. But you can also see people from all around the world, and you get a different perspective when you see how small the world really is.
Critically Rated at 15/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young
Filed under Random Rants
Tagged as airport, airports, American airports, flight, flying, passengers, pilot, plane, planes
Turbulence
I’m not scared of flying, but I’m not much of a fan of turbulence. I know that planes want to be in the air, that they are designed to deal with sudden dips and drops and violent shakes, but it’s still pretty unsettling to know that you will plummet to your death if the wing rips off. All you can do is to try not to spill your drink or think about dying in a horrifying crash. And on that note, I don’t think that floatation devices under the seat are particularly helpful either. My last flight was from San Francisco to Las Vegas. I noticed that there aren’t too many places to execute an emergency water landing when you’re flying over the desert. I’d prefer a parachute under my seat instead. At least give me a fucking chance to survive. Flying is statistically the safest way to travel. But turbulence can still make you fall out of the sky.
Critically Rated at 5/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young
Filed under Random Rants
Tagged as bump, dip, flight, floatation devices, flying, plane, shake, transportation, turbulence
Hook
What if Peter Pan grew up? According to Steven Spielberg, he would become Americanized and look like Robin Williams. Hook tells the story of a grown up Peter Pan, who must return to Neverland to save his kids from the evil Captain Hook. Robin Williams plays Peter Banning, an American lawyer who finds out he is Peter Pan, and Dustin Hoffman plays Captain Hook, the Sleaziest Sleaze of the Seven Seas.
Peter Banning (Robin Williams) is a father and a lawyer, who would rather spend his time lawyering than being with his kids. His wife Moira (Caroline Goodall) worries that Peter isn’t spending enough time with his kids Jack and Maggie (Charlie Korsmo and Amber Scott). Peter misses Jack’s baseball games and is too busy working to notice his kids. The Banning family goes on vacation to visit their Granny Wendy (Maggie Smith). Wendy claims to be the Wendy from J.M. Barrie’s Peter Pan.
While Peter, Wendy, and Moira are out one night, the kids get kidnapped. The only clue to their abductor is a note signed by a James Hook. Granny Wendy tells Peter that he is Peter Pan, and that only he can save Jack and Maggie. He has a hard time believing her until Tinker Bell (Julia Roberts) shows up and takes him back to Neverland.
Peter finds himself in the midst of a bunch of pirates, including Smee (Bob Hoskins) and the notorious Captain Hook (Dustin Hoffman). Hook offers Peter his kids in exchange for a war. Peter has three days to find his inner Pan and fight Captain Hook.
Peter finds his old allies, the Lost Boys. They don’t recognize the old geezer in front of them as their former leader, until Pockets pulls back his wrinkles and finds his long lost friend in the folds. Not all the Lost Boys are convinced that Peter Banning is Peter, most notably Rufio (Dante Basco).
As Peter struggles to discover his inner child, Captain Hook decides to brainwash Jack and Maggie into loving him. Maggie is hard to convince, but Jack already had a strained relationship with his father, so he starts to turn to Hook’s side.
Peter eventually remembers who he is, and what he can do. He finds his happy thought, and he is Peter Pan again. He and the Lost Boys launch an attack on Hook and his pirates, freeing Jack and Maggie. But this is an exciting Hollywood climax, so people die. Like Rufio. Peter and Hook have an exciting duel, culminating in Hook getting devoured by a crocodile clock. Neverland’s a bitch sometimes.
Peter Pan wins, defeats Hook, and frees his kids. And then he goes home. He did what he had to do, and he can’t stay and have fun anymore because reality is waiting. It seems like kind of a bummer way to end a fantasy about childhood immortality, but who am I to judge?
This is probably my definitive childhood movie. I saw this movie when I was six years old in the theaters. I know every single line, every single moment. I grew up on this movie. I could watch it every day and not get tired of it. It’s almost like a part of me. It impacted me, especially lines like not wanting to grow up “because everyone who grows up has to die someday.”
I’ve seen this movie a lot. And I noticed that when the dog is barking and Toodles starts saying Hook (right before the kids get snatched), you can see a teddy bear. The same teddy bear that Peter later finds in Neverland that gives him a happy thought that allows him to fly. And later Hook tells Peter that he’s only dreaming. And Peter wakes up outside in the park… Maybe he was dreaming the whole time.
The imagination banquet, where Peter first uses his imagination, is one of my favorite scenes from any movie. It starts with an awesome battle of wits between Rufio and Peter as they hurl insults back and forth at each other. Peter wins and triumphantly flings an empty spoonful of food at Rufio, and everyone is amazed as brightly colored food smashes into his face. Everyone looks around astounded as the previously empty table is filled with generous platters of the most gorgeous and spectacular dishes you’ve ever seen. It’s a feast fit for a king and your mouth waters just thinking about it. Before the miraculous moment can fully sink in, a food fight starts. Slowly at first, but then it suddenly explodes into a frenzy of food and filth and laughter. The scene represents all the themes of the film.
Robin Williams does a great job playing a workaholic father, and he is able to transition from being a gruff adult into acting like a little kid. He even shaved his arms and chest so he would look more childlike and less like a yeti. That’s commitment.
Hook is one of my favorite movies of all time. I know that doesn’t make it a good movie, but I’m biased. Check it out if you haven’t.
Critically Rated at 16/17
Filed under Entertainment
Tagged as ace, amber scott, bob hoskins, captain hook, caroline goodall, charlie korsmo, crowing, dante basco, dustin hoffman, entertainment, fighting, flying, granny wendy, grown up peter pan, hook, hook review, hook robin williams, jack, julia roberts, lost boys, maggie, maggie smith, peter bannning, peter pan, pirates, pockets, robin williams, rufio, smee, steven spielberg, teddy bear, thud butt, tinkerbell, toodles