Monthly Archives: March 2014

Arnel Pineda

Arnel Pineda is a Filipino singer/songwriter who is most famous for replacing Steve Perry as the lead singer of Journey. He actually has a pretty cool story. He grew up in the Philippines and spent time bouncing around between different bands, performing both original songs and cover songs from the ‘70s and ‘80s. A couple of those songs ended up on YouTube and caught the attention of the remaining members of Journey and they asked him to audition for the band. They flew him out to California, he had a two-day audition, and he got the gig. Arnel Pineda is a great singer. He has pipes. He sounds exactly like Steve Perry. But I feel bad for him because he is not Steve Perry. He never will be Steve Perry. He is just doing a form of glorified karaoke. That’s not music, that’s not art. It’s hollow and it shows.

Critically Rated at 6/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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My Nephew

On March 3, 2014 my big sister and my brother-in-law had a baby (well, she had the baby, he just watched as she screamed and cursed his name). This baby was a milestone. It was the baby that turned my sister into a mom, her husband into a dad, my parents into grandparents, me into an uncle, and my other sisters into aunts. I don’t know if our pets get a title change, but I do know our family is already more complete. I haven’t gotten to meet baby James yet, but I’ve already seen a bunch of pictures and I can honestly say that I’ve seen uglier babies. He’s not that wrinkly, he’s got a good amount of hair on his head, and he wasn’t that slimy. They didn’t do half bad. Welcome to the World, James Young Galster. Sorry about the global warming, we’re trying to fix that.

Critically Rated at 17/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Using Toilet Paper as Kleenex

I’ve been sick the past few days and I’ve been lazy my whole life and so I’ve been using toilet paper as Kleenex to wipe my nose. We don’t have any Kleenex in my house, but we do have an ample supply of toilet paper. So I use that. It’s a waste of time and money to buy a different type of disposable tissue that you’re only going to use once to clean up bodily functions and then throw away.  Besides, it’s easier to blow your nose with toilet paper than to wipe your ass with Kleenex. T.P. is more essential and this economy makes you prioritize. Judge me all you want. It’s still better to use toilet paper as Kleenex than using your arm. Yeah, I saw you do that. You’re gross.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Snopes.com

Snopes.com is the site that you go to when you need to prove your friends wrong at the bar. It’s a reference site for rumors and urban legends, and they tell you which stories are true and which ones are bullshit. I use Snopes about once or twice a week to settle an argument. The other day my coworkers were talking about how the government made Kentucky Fried Chicken change its name to KFC because they don’t use real chicken in their products. I told them they were stupid for believing that, and I quickly used Snopes to debunk their theory. They felt dumb, I felt validated, and all was right with the world once more. The Internet isn’t all rumors and lies. There are still some sites out there that tell the truth. Snopes.com is a site that you can trust. Check it out the next time you need to win a bar argument or if you have some spare time to kill. It’s also a great way to verify if Justin Bieber really died in a fiery car crash.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Ben & Jerry’s Hazed & Confused Core

Ben & Jerry’s recently released new ice cream flavors that they dubbed Cores. They are called Cores because they have a core of fudge, caramel, or jam. It’s pretty brilliant idea, now you can have a perfect spoonful of ice cream every time. I bought a pint of Hazed & Confused Core as soon as I discovered them at the store. Hazed & Confused is chocolate and hazelnut ice creams with fudge chips and a hazelnut fudge core. The chocolate ice cream is smooth and rich, the hazelnut ice cream is creamy and nutty, the fudge chips add a little bit of crunch and texture, but the hazelnut fudge core steals the show. It’s basically a column of Nutella right smack in the middle of your pint. It’s beyond delicious. It’s indescribable how amazing this ice cream is. You have to try it. Like right now. Stop reading about Ben & Jerry’s Hazed & Confused Core and go buy a pint for yourself. You shan’t regret it.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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The Walking Dead Season 2

AMC knew it had a smash hit The Walking Dead and the show was quickly picked up and approved for a second season. The second season saw a lot of changes from the first season. Showrunner Frank Darabont was fired and replaced by Glen Mazzara, the number of episodes increased from six to thirteen, and more characters were introduced, including fan favorites like Hershel Greene (played by Scott Wilson) and his sexy and strong daughter Maggie (played by Lauren Cohan). Season 2 is about Rick Grimes (played by Andrew Lincoln) and his fellow band of survivors finding refuge from the zombie apocalypse on a secluded farm while they try to find the missing Sophia.

As much as I love The Walking Dead, I have to admit that the second season is hard to get through. It’s fucking boring. And a show about the zombie apocalypse should never be boring. The problem was that the story got stuck in one place and focused on a storyline that nobody really cared about. An episode about looking for a lost member of the group makes for great television, but dedicating an entire season to searching for a minor character seems like overkill (and it is). Season 2 is stagnant. There are a lot of cool and shocking moments, but nothing really happens. A few people die, a few zombies pop up, but the show definitely entered a sophomore slump.

Luckily the sloppy writing and slow pace wasn’t enough to end the series, and the audience stuck with it and The Walking Dead was able to rise above the drudgery of the second season to remain one of the better shows on television today.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Lagunitas Sucks

In 2011 the Lagunitas Brewing Company didn’t have the brewing capacity to make Brown Shugga’ Ale, their popular winter seasonal. So in response they created this beer and owned up to their mistake by naming it Lagunitas Sucks. Its full name is Lagunitas Sucks Brown Shugga’ Substitute Ale. And while it wasn’t Brown Shugga’, it was still a delicious beer in its own right. It was so good that Lagunitas started making it available year-round. They include a funny apology on the label, which explains how the beer came to be, and it adds to the personality of the beer. It’s an American Double/Imperial IPA. It pours a beautiful golden copper with a foamy white head. It smells of hops, citrus, and pine. It tastes great. It’s hoppy, malty, and creamy. I get hints of grapefruit, mango, orange, pine, brown sugar, and toasted bread. It’s very satisfying and very drinkable. It’s 8% alcohol and you can’t even tell. Lagunitas Sucks doesn’t suck.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Tour Guide Stick

I work at Fisherman’s Wharf in San Francisco and that means that I see millions of tourists every year. Tourists are easy to spot. They walk slow, they carry cameras and maps, and they typically have a dopey look on their face. We get a lot of tour groups from Japan, and Japanese tour groups are heavily invested in the tour guide stick system. You’ll see a group of fifty Japanese students in matching uniforms following a balding guy holding a stick with a flag or bandana tied to the top of it. The bald guy holds the tour guide stick over his head as he walks down the sidewalk, and the students are able to follow him in the crowd. The tour guide stick helps to shepherd the tourists and keeps them from getting lost or separated. But the tour guide stick is not perfect. The bandana is the most important part of the tour guide stick, but the bandana can fall off. Then the tour guide is left holding a bare broomstick while his confused students start following a biker or a pirate.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Lilt (soda)

Lilt is a Pineapple & Grapefruit soda with totally tropical taste. It’s basically a grapefruit soda, but the pineapple smooths and mellows out the grapefruit. It’s not as citrusy as you would imagine it to be. It’s better than a grapefruit soda, but it’s not a good soda. There’s nothing impressive about it, and there’s no incentive for me to ever drink it again. It’s boring. What else can I say about Lilt? It’s manufactured by the Coca-Cola Company, it has no caffeine, and it’s British so it’s hard to find in the States. And that’s a good thing because we don’t need another subpar soda taking up shelf space at the store.

Critically Rated at 9/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Top Seventeen Superhero Movies

Superhero movies have been a staple at the box office for over a decade now, and it seems like its time to Critically Rate them. To make this list the main character(s) must be a superhero. For the purposes of this list, a superhero is someone who has superpowers OR wears a costume/disguise and they must fight crime/bad guys/or a main villain. The film doesn’t need to be based on a comic to qualify; it just needs to be awesome. Here is my list of the Top Seventeen Superhero Movies of All Time.

17. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. This 1990 film is one of the oldest movies on the list, but it was a successful start to a cinematic franchise. It has comedic moments but it also takes itself seriously. The Shredder is a genuinely scary villain, the teenaged turtles are full of angst, and the action scenes pass the test.

16. The Incredible Hulk. The 2008 film was a sequel/reboot of the 2003 Hulk, and it was a much more satisfying movie. Edward Norton is always solid, Tim Roth plays a great foe, and the special effects were miles ahead of any other Hulk adaptation at that point.

15. Thor. Thor is not just a superhero, he is a god. The 2011 film brought Thor to the big screen for the first time. Kenneth Branagh directed a Shakespearean-style superhero movie that had two powerful brothers facing off. Chris Hemsworth is a picture perfect Thor, but this film gets more credit for introducing Loki (played by Tom Hiddleston) who has so far proven to be the best villain in any Marvel movie to date.

14. The Amazing Spider-Man is the 2012 reboot starring Andrew Garfield as your friendly neighborhood Spider-man. Sure, this movie was only made so that Sony could hold onto the movie rights to the character, but it was better than the Sam Raimi directed films in almost every way. It had better casting, better special effects, a better story, and better action scenes. People just didn’t want to watch it because Tobey Maguire is still fresh in their minds. Fuck Tobey Maguire. Give Andrew Garfield a chance.

13. Watchmen. This adaptation of the beloved graphic novel is not perfect by any means, but it deserves a spot on this list. It was thought to be unfilmable but Zack Snyder managed to capture the general essence of it. The most frustrating thing is that he got so many things right, but he still felt compelled to change the storyline. Don’t be fooled by the theatrical release, the director’s cut is better and the ultimate cut is even better than that.

12. Kick-Ass was a good superhero because it was a wry commentary on superhero movies. It made fun of superheroes while celebrating them at the same time. It was hysterically funny and extremely violent. That’s a good formula for entertainment.

11. X-Men was the first film of the X-Men franchise, and its success at the box office paved the way for all the superhero movies to follow. It’s not a faithful adaptation, but it’s an honest one. And the world got to see Hugh Jackman as Wolverine for the first time.

10. Batman Returns is another film that took a lot of liberties with the source material, but that doesn’t stop it from being one of the best Batman movies. Tim Burton, Michael Keaton, Michelle Pfeiffer, Danny DeVito, Christopher Walken, an army of penguins, and Pee-wee Herman? What more do you need?

9. Iron Man is a great movie because it was so unexpectedly enjoyable. Iron Man is a famous comic book character, but he doesn’t have the prestige that Batman, Spider-man, and Superman enjoy. Robert Downey, Jr. was a bit of a gamble, director Jon Favreau was a bit of a gamble, but everything clicked and fell into place and the seeds for The Avengers movie were planted.

8. Man of Steel. This was the Superman movie that I was waiting for. I honestly enjoyed Superman Returns, but even I have to admit that it was a boring movie. Man of Steel was not boring. And it might not have been Richard Donner and Christopher Reeve’s version of Superman, but it was still Superman. Even if you hated this movie, you still have to admit that the action scenes are more than exhilarating.

7. X2: X-Men United is a superior movie to the original in every single way. It has more mutants, more powers, more action, and a better story. The opening scene with Nightcrawler is reason alone to warrant a spot on this list. It made you think that the X-Men franchise was going to be one of the best series of all time. And then the third one came out and shattered your belief system. Fuck you Brett Ratner. Fuck you.

6. Superman. This is the oldest film on my list and it’s one of the most important. Richard Donner’s film has been the model for every successful superhero movie to follow is. He set the template for superhero movies. He respected the source material, and more importantly, he respected the audience. Christopher Reeve was Clark Kent. He was Superman. And he will always be the standard.

5. Spider-man 2. Tobey Maguire’s second venture as Spider-man will always be one of my favorite sequels. It’s a fun ride from beginning to end and you hardly have time to catch your breath. There’s humor, there’s despair, there’s action, and there’s romance. It’s everything that you want from a Hollywood blockbuster.

4. The Matrix. Yes, Neo is a superhero. He has powers, he has an alter ego (his real name is Thomas Anderson), he has a costume (black trench coat and sunglasses), and he fights the evil Mr. Smith. He’s a superhero, and he’s a badass, and he’s The One.

3. The Incredibles isn’t based on a comic book, it’s not live action, and it’s still a great superhero movie. You could say it’s the best and you would have a valid argument. It’s about a family of superheroes with really cool superpowers and they face off against an interesting supervillain. It’s funny, it’s heartwarming, and it has some amazing action scenes.

2. The Dark Knight is not only the best Batman movie, it’s the best DC movie. Christian Bale deserves some credit, but everybody knows that Heath Ledger carries the movie. His Joker is perhaps the best villain in any superhero movie. Christopher Nolan crafted a great trilogy, but this is the highlight by far. It’s The Dark Knight Trilogy for a reason, not The Batman Begins Trilogy or The Batman and Bane Trilogy.

1. Marvel’s The Avengers. Was there ever any doubt that this would be the best superhero movie of all time? You have Iron Man, Captain America, the Hulk, Thor, and (to a lesser extent) Nick Fury Hawkeye, and Black Widow fighting to save the planet. There are tons of characters and powers, plots and subplots, and somehow Joss Whedon manages to weave everything together to create a fun, entertaining, and satisfying blockbuster. The climactic battle is beyond description, a joyous showcase of special effects and sheer spectacle. It’s why you go to the movies. It’s why you justify spending $20 to watch something in IMAX 3-D.

So that’s my list. I hope you like it or at least respect it. If I missed anything that you think deserves to be on here, let me know and I’ll either add it or tell you why you’re wrong.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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