Tag Archives: grandparents

My Nephew

On March 3, 2014 my big sister and my brother-in-law had a baby (well, she had the baby, he just watched as she screamed and cursed his name). This baby was a milestone. It was the baby that turned my sister into a mom, her husband into a dad, my parents into grandparents, me into an uncle, and my other sisters into aunts. I don’t know if our pets get a title change, but I do know our family is already more complete. I haven’t gotten to meet baby James yet, but I’ve already seen a bunch of pictures and I can honestly say that I’ve seen uglier babies. He’s not that wrinkly, he’s got a good amount of hair on his head, and he wasn’t that slimy. They didn’t do half bad. Welcome to the World, James Young Galster. Sorry about the global warming, we’re trying to fix that.

Critically Rated at 17/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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The Miracle of Life

The miracle of life is not that you exist… It’s that you exist despite impossible odds. Think about it. Every single living organism came from another organism before it. In the case of complex life, you only exist because your parents existed and copulated and you popped out. You go back further and your parents only existed because your grandparents existed and they copulated and popped out your parents and somehow your parents met and out of all of his sperm and her eggs, you were the end result. And you go back further: your grandparents came from your great-grandparents, and on and on it goes. You can trace your fucking family tree all the way back to amoebas in theory.

It’s amazing to think that everything alive is only alive because their parents fucked and their parents before them fucked and all life is derived from the successful fucks that end up in births. So if you die a virgin, you might go to heaven but you didn’t contribute to anything down here.

Critically Rated at 17/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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