Tag Archives: phone

Uploading Pictures Of Yourself Camping

The whole point of camping is to get away from it all. Away from city life, away from technology, away from your cell phone. You should be chilling in the woods, sitting around a campfire, telling stories and making jokes. You should be living. Why the fuck are you taking picture of yourself camping and uploading it to Facebook? I’m not opposed to taking pictures of the campsite or the views or having fun. That’s totally fine. I’m against taking a picture and instantly uploading it. You’re not camping if you don’t have a signal, you’re just a hipster in the woods. Put down the phone and look at a tree. You came out to nature to experience nature, not to add another hashtag to your resume.

Critically Rated at 3/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Calling the Wrong Person

In the old days you used to have to memorize phone numbers or carry around a piece of paper with all your contacts. Now you can just store everybody’s number in your cellphone and call them instantly. Or text them if you don’t want to hear their voice. The problem is that most people have duplicate names and entries in their phones. Sometimes they got a new number and you didn’t delete the old one, sometimes you made a new friend when you were drunk that you forgot about when you were sober, and sometimes you just know a bunch of people with the same damn name. I have like seven Jessicas in my phone and I only talk to three of them. Where did the extra Jessicas come from? And why do I always dial the wrong Jessica? Calling the wrong person is a problem that has plagued phones since the beginning. The smartest and most advanced technology is still vulnerable to human error. Calling the wrong person is eventually inevitable. Just act like you meant to call them to catch up, and then you can call the real target. And make sure you get the number right this time.

Critically Rated at 7/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Talking on the Phone in the Subway

Having a long conversation on the phone in public is enough to make everyone hate you, but talking on the phone in the subway is just plain stupid. The other day I was in the underground station waiting for my train. There was a stupid bitch yakking away on her phone standing behind me. The train approached and we both got on, she just kept on chatting away as the door closed and the train started to move. Then her phone cut out because that’s what happens when you’re in a tunnel. I enjoyed the temporary reprieve from her annoying voice, but then she called her friend back at the next station. We were still underground and we had three more stops to go before we hit street level. So she had a twenty-seven second conversation before the doors closed, the train started moving, and her phone got cut off again. And then she called back at the next station, apologized for losing reception because she’s in the subway, and promptly got cut off when the train started moving again. She let out an impatient sigh, like it was the train’s fault for her being an idiot. I know that she’s an idiot because she called back at every station. It’s truly remarkable how people like that exist. And holy shit, there are a lot of people like that. I can’t wait for the zombie apocalypse.

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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The Girl That Doesn’t Deserve a Cell Phone

Everyone has a friend that constantly loses or breaks their phone. Not to be sexist, but it’s usually a girl. Everyone knows the girl that doesn’t deserve a cell phone. She has a habit of randomly dropping it for no reason. She leaves it in cabs and bars and restaurants. She has to replace her broken or missing phones every three and half weeks. She goes through more phones than cell phone bills. She always gets the latest model and it always makes your phone look like a piece of shit, until she drops it and cracks the screen when she’s showing it off. The girl that doesn’t deserve a cell phone always has a new one. Don’t let her borrow your phone and don’t let her hold your baby.

Critically Rated at 6/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Filed under People I Feel Sorry For

Triple Pat

Before you leave the house, it’s vital to perform the triple pat. You pat down your three pockets to ensure that you have your keys, phone, and wallet. Your night will be ruined without any of those essentials. You can’t buy or do anything without money or credit cards. You can’t call any friends or Instagram your cocktail without your phone. And you’re locked out if you forget your keys, and that’s a shitty way to end the night. Make it a habit to do the triple pat and you’ll go far in life.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Using Hand Gestures on the Phone

Every once in a while you catch yourself doing something stupid. Like using hand gestures on the phone for example. You’re in the middle of a passionate discussion and you’re using hand gestures to stress your point. Then you realize that they can’t see you, but other people can. And you look like an idiot. The more you flail your arms, the more attention you draw to yourself. Using hand gestures on the phone is a deterrent to talking on the phone in public. If you’re going to bug other people with your phone call, you might as well look like an asshole.

Critically Rated at 6/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Leaving Home Without Your Phone

You’re in a little bit of a rush. You woke up late and realized you should have left ten minutes ago. That sudden shock of realization is more effective than a shower and you jump out of bed and start getting dressed and gathering your things. You grab your wallet, keys, and bag and run out the door. About three minutes into your commute you realize that you don’t have your phone. You feel naked. You feel lost. Leaving home without your phone is like forgetting to put on pants. You shouldn’t even have to think about it, your phone should always be on you at all times. And now you don’t have it and you cant check the time or Facebook or listen to music. Life can be so unfair sometimes.

Critically Rated at 5/17

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