Monthly Archives: January 2013

The Wrong Date

Putting down the wrong date is inevitable whenever a new year or month rolls around. It’s hard to get used to change. Just when you start getting used to jotting down the month, it changes and you have to remember the new one. You feel dumb when you get the month wrong, but it’s even worse when you get the year wrong and it’s not even January anymore. Just keep reminding yourself that it’s 2013 and you’ll get the hang of it.

Critically Rated at 8/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Sidewalk Cracks

I’m not really superstitious, but I’m a creature of habit and will occasionally try to avoid stepping on sidewalk cracks. I don’t do it all the time, but sometimes the potential perils of sidewalk crack-stepping will come to mind and I will not be responsible for breaking my mother’s back. The most important thing about avoiding the cracks in the sidewalk is making it look like you’re not trying to avoid them. If someone notices you meticulously avoiding the cracks, they will call you out for your OCD behavior. So you got to adjust your stride nonchalantly and keep it subtle. It’s ok to be crazy as long as nobody thinks you’re crazy.

Critically Rated at 10/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Driving With Your Blinker On

Some people are inconsiderate of others and never use their turn signals. Some people are idiotic and never turn off their turn signals. People who don’t use their blinkers are just assholes, there really isn’t anything wrong with them aside from being rude. But people who don’t realize they have their blinkers on are unaware and that’s not a good thing when you’re driving a multi-ton hunk of moving metal. You’ll see some old guy drive for miles in the left lane with their left blinker on. How does he not realize that his blinker is on? It flashes lights, it makes an audible noise, it’s pretty fucking obvious. Driving with your blinker on is like wearing a sweatshirt that says Alzheimer’s on it. You’re telling the world that you’re not all there.

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Laser Pointers

Laser pointers were the shit when I was ten. I thought that owning a portable red dot would make my life complete. I thought of all the possibilities it would provide me, of all the things that I could point at, of all the movies I could ruin and classes I could disrupt. And then I got one. And I pointed it at things like my friend’s face and my neighbor’s house. And I realized that you could get in trouble for blinding your friend and scaring your neighbors. Laser pointers weren’t as much fun after that. Until the green ones came out when I was a teenager and I thought that owning a portable green dot would make my life complete…

Critically Rated at 9/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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You Don’t Know Bo (documentary)

You Don’t Know Bo is an ESPN 30 for 30 documentary about Vincent “Bo” Jackson. Considered by many to be the greatest athlete of the 20th century, Bo had an incredible but brief career playing in the MLB and in the NFL. He was a natural athlete: big, strong, fast, with natural ability, and an arm like a cannon. Director Michael Bonfiglio combines footage of Bo’s athletic feats on the gridiron and diamond with interviews with Bo Jackson, his teammates, his coaches, and other people who witnessed him play. It starts with his childhood in Bessemer, Alabama and features notable events like winning the 1985 Heisman Trophy, being the only athlete to play in both the MLB All-Star game and the NFL Pro Bowl, the Nike Bo Knows marketing campaign, the hip injury that ended his football career, the rehab and ultimate return to baseball with an artificial hip… this is a pretty thorough bio.

Bo Jackson was larger than life. He was a professional baseball player with so much athletic potential that he took up professional football as a fucking hobby. He didn’t need spring training or practice. Just put him in a game, any game, and let him do his thing. This film lets you reflect on his greatness and makes you wonder what could have been if he hadn’t gotten hurt. This is another solid 30 for 30 production.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Runnin’ Down a Dream (documentary)

If you like Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers and have 4 hours to kill, you should check out Peter Bogdanovich’s documentary about the band. Tom Petty is the shit. He’s one of the last real rock stars. You know his songs even if you aren’t too familiar with him. He’s on more movie soundtracks than John Williams, he’s played the Super Bowl Halftime Show, and he’s been selling out shows with his band for more than thirty years.

The documentary starts at the beginning with a young Thomas Earl Petty growing up in Gainesville, Florida with an abusive father, a loving mother, and a passion for Rock n’ Roll. Petty grows up and hones his talent, finding his future bandmates Mike Campbell and Benmont Tench on the way. You learn about his first band Mudcrutch and hear testimony about how driven he was to succeed. Mudcrutch dissolved and Petty formed a new band: Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers. The documentary goes through the members, albums, songs, tours, anecdotes, tragedies and triumphs of the band and the man.

They use a lot of rare footage and personal videos from the band to tell their history. When they are talking about the drive to California and the car breaking down, they show the car broken on the side of the road. They talk Ron Blair eating a bunch of hash before a TV appearance and point out how glazed his eyes are.

If you’re a fan of Tom Petty’s music than you’ll love this film. His hits are constantly playing in the background, they show lots of concerts, and you get to know the man behind it all and see what drives him. He’s a poet, he’s a storyteller, and his music is timeless. Don’t let the four hour long running time intimidate you. It’s hard to cram thirty+ years of history into a few hours.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Häagen-Dazs Raspberry Sorbet

Häagen-Dazs Raspberry Sorbet is a raspberry sorbet made by Häagen-Dazs. Give it a shot if you like raspberries and sorbets and the Häagen-Dazs brand. Sorbets are non-dairy for all you lacto-phobes out there, so you can get your dessert on while everyone else is enjoying real ice cream. It’s all natural and that means it’s healthy for you so you can eat it every single day without any consequences.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Not Tipping

It takes a special kind of scum to practice not tipping. You should always tip your server 15%-20%, even if the kitchen fucked up on your burger. It’s not the server’s fault that the kitchen fucked up. The server has to tip out the bartenders, bussers, the food runner, and sometimes the hosts and expo depending on the restaurant. The server can actually lose money if you don’t tip. Don’t go to a fucking sit-down restaurant if you don’t want to tip, it’s as simple as that. Go to McDonald’s if you want to be cheap. Serving is a hard job. It’s something that everybody should try at least once so you can experience how much bullshit a server has to deal with on a shift. Some customers come in with a chip on their shoulder and run you ragged. They suck their soda down faster than you can refill it. They order water and then specify they didn’t want ice when you bring it to the table. They customize an entrée and make it a whole new dish that takes fifteen minutes to ring in and explain to the cooks. They flag you down when you’re helping another table. They’ll ask for ranch then ask for mayo when you drop off the ranch and ask for more hot sauce when you drop off the mayo. And they end their evening by leaving exact change and no tip. Miserable people like to spread their misery to other people. It’s the only thing that makes them feel alive. There’s an old adage that goes something like, “If you want to see a person’s true character, see how they treat the waiter.” Most people are decent, hardworking, polite, respectful… but holy shit, there are some fucking assholes out there. They are the ones who don’t tip and never call their mothers.

Critically Rated at 4/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Temporary Tattoos

Temporary tattoos are fake tattoos that fade away after a few days or get scrubbed off with soap and water. They are popular with kids, hipsters and drunk people. You can get them in one of those quarter vending machines in front of the grocery store or in packs of Fruit Stripe Gum. You get your arm wet, stick the tattoo on for a minute or two, peel it off, and voila! A fucked up temporary tattoo! Those things never fucking work. Only half of the faux tat will show up or it will be all smudged and blurry. Even if it does work, the novelty of it wears off almost instantaneously. I sometimes wonder if anybody loved their temporary tattoo so much that they got a real tattoo of it. If I ever get one, I’m going to get a real Fake Tattoo tattoo.

Critically Rated at 11/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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New Year’s Day

Congratulations, you made it to another year. Hopefully you wake up with a headache and a hangover and someone lying next to you. That’s usually a good indication of a great New Year’s Eve. New Year’s Day is like hitting the reset button. A new year is a new start. Most people have a list of New Year’s Resolutions like quitting smoking or saving more money. Most people give up by February, but at least you tried to change. It’s not worth much, but it’s worth something. 2013. It’s officially the future. Can we stop doing Gangnam Style now? Please?

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Asking for a To-Go Box and Leaving It on the Table

Some people go out to eat, order too much, ask for a to-go box to take their leftovers home, and then leave their box of food on the table when they leave. Asking for a to-go box and leaving it on the table is counterproductive and wasteful. Not only are you wasting your extra food, but now you’re also wasting the to-go box and the bag that goes with it. Did you only ask for the box to test your server’s attentiveness? If you ask for a box, then you should use that fucking box. It’s common courtesy.

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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