Tag Archives: wake up

A Good Wake Up Call

I had a cyst removed from my cheek about a week ago. It was about the size of a marble, which doesn’t sound very impressive until you realize that it came from my face. They cut it out, put it in a jar, and sent it out for a biopsy to make sure that it wasn’t cancerous. I wasn’t too worried about it, but it was on the back of my mind for a few long days. Well, I woke up this morning to my phone ringing from a number that I didn’t recognize. I groggily answered it. A woman’s cheery voice informed me that they got the test results back and they were negative. My cyst was just a cyst and nothing more. I thanked her, hung up, and smiled. That was a pretty damn good wake up call. The best way to wake up is to find out that you don’t have cancer. Not all days start off with great news like that. I’ll take it.

Critically Rated at 17/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Early Morning Bathroom Battle

I live with a few roommates and we only have one bathroom. That means I get to experience the early morning bathroom battle a few times a week. That’s when you get up around the same time as someone else and you fight each other for the bathroom. Most people can’t function until they get through their morning routine, so there’s a lot more tension and less etiquette involved when dealing with sleep-deprived creatures fighting for the same space. You always feel like you are more deserving of the bathroom, that you’re more important. You’ll try to justify that your hygienic needs are more vital than his. It’s essential that you take a shower and you take one now. Your roomie can always brush his teeth in the kitchen or resort to pissing in a bottle… he just wants the bathroom, he doesn’t need it. There’s no better way to start the day than by arguing over who gets to use the shitter first. The early morning bathroom battle can turn violent, but it’s mostly a lot of name-calling and pounding on the door and telling them to hurry the fuck up.

Critically Rated at 10/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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The Accidental Wake Up Text

Sleeping in is nice. You get to lie in bed, all comfortable and content, drifting in and out of dreams, without a care in the world. And then the reality slaps you in the face and your phone buzzes and wakes you up. Some jerkass texted you for some stupid reason, it doesn’t even matter why. You can’t go back to your awesome dream so you’re kind of pissed before you even manage to open one eye to read the text. And no matter what the text says, it’s never worth waking up for. You might obligingly respond and tell them that you’re still sleeping before you close your eyes and try to drift off again. Inevitably they’ll text you back apologizing for waking you up, waking you up again in the process. You just can’t win and the universe doesn’t want you to.

Critically Rated at 6/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Not Setting Your Alarm But Still Waking Up On Time

It’s late and you’re tired. It’s a miracle you even made it home. You somehow find your bed and fall in, closing your eyes and immediately are asleep. You wake up a few hours later. It’s a few minutes before you have to wake up, and it’s a good thing you came to when you did, because you forgot to set your alarm, you forgot to plug in your phone, and you would have been fucked. But you’re not. Not setting your alarm but still waking up on time means that your muscle memory is more dependable than your mental memory. Your brain will screw you over, but your body won’t let that happen.

Critically Rated at15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Early Morning Construction Work

If you use a jackhammer at 9:00 a.m. on a Sunday morning, you are a jackass. Early morning construction work is bad enough during the week, but it should be a crime on the weekends. People have the right to sleep in. They should have the right to kill an early morning construction worker. I know they are just doing their job, but there are a lot of jobs that don’t require waking up the entire neighborhood. Silence is golden so shut the fuck up.

Critically Rated at 4/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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