Tag Archives: san francisco

Gay Marriage

So DOMA was struck down, the Prop 8 appeal was denied, and now equality is one step closer to reality. This is a great time for the US, and especially for San Francisco… Gay marriage + Pride weekend = One hell of a party. I’m not gay, but I live in San Francisco and there’s no room for bigotry here. I work with gay people, I hang out with gay people, I drink with gay people, and I see no problems celebrating their victory. But this isn’t just their victory; it’s a victory for everybody. Everybody has the right to be happy and marry the person that they love. And if more people can get married, then there will be more weddings. And weddings usually have an open bar. Everybody wins. Gay marriage shouldn’t even be an issue. Shit, homosexuality shouldn’t be an issue. There’s nothing wrong with being gay. We already knew all that, but now the courts recognize it too. It’s about fucking time. Congratulations to us all. But you should still be a little weary because in the next few years all the bigots/haters/igorami will start talking about the dangers of gay divorce.

Critically Rated at 16/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Anchor California Lager

California Lager is another delicious offering from the Anchor Brewing Company in San Francisco. They are best known for Anchor Steam, but I think California Lager has the potential to usurp its position as the brewery’s flagship beer. People like lagers and people like California, so it’s only fitting that they would be enticed by a lager from California that’s called California Lager. It has a 4.9% alcohol content, which is in the average range for lagers.  It’s crisp and refreshing, and hoppier than most lagers. It tastes kind of like Stella Artois, but with more of an attitude. It’s a great day beer, ideal for hot summer days and backyard barbeques. I like it. And you’ll like it too if you’re a fan of good beer.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Emperor Norton

You can be anything you want to be in San Francisco and people will go along with it. One guy took it to the extreme and proclaimed himself to be the Emperor of the United States (and Protector of Mexico). Joshua Abraham Norton moved to the city by the bay in 1849, and by 1859 he had lost all his money and went a little crazy. Rather than do the reasonable thing and killing himself, he wrote a letter declaring himself to be the Emperor of the United States and it was published by several city newspapers. Instead of simply ignoring him, the city embraced him and mutually decided that if the crazy guy wants to be the Emperor, he can be the Emperor. He strolled the streets in a donated blue uniform, and when it became too worn and raggedy the city bought him a replacement. He ate for free at the best restaurants, was always reserved a seat for the newest play or concert, and was known all around the city and the world. He made his own money and businesses actually accepted it. He prohibited the use of “Frisco” and anyone caught saying it had to pay a $25 fine. He proposed a League of Nations and a bridge spanning the gap between SF and Oakland, decades before the United Nations and the Bay Bridge became a reality. He believed in diplomacy and equality, and stopped a potential race war between the white citizens and the Chinese immigrants. He even tried to abolish the Democratic and Republican parties. He might have been crazy, but he was still a visionary.

            A cop once arrested him for being legally insane. The city didn’t take kindly to that and he was soon released. The police chief issued an apology stating, “He had shed no blood; robbed no one; and despoiled no country; which is more than can be said of his fellows in the line.” From that day on, all of the SF policemen would salute him whenever they saw him. On January 8, 1880, Emperor Norton collapsed in the street and passed away before help arrived. He died in complete poverty, with only a few bucks to his name and some random Emperor-related nick-nacks. But over 30,000 people went to his funeral, so you can’t say that he died with nothing. He became a legend, an icon, and a celebrated symbol of San Francisco. Emperor Norton had a fascinating life, but I’m worried that his legacy is fading. Not enough people know about him these days. He has one hell of a story, and it would make a great movie or miniseries. Hollywood needs to get on that. Norton: The Compelling True Story of a Guy Who Wanted to be Emperor and the City That Let Him. And it should star Edward Norton (for obvious reasons).

Critically Rated at 16/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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A Group of Waldos

I did Bay to Breakers the other day (I didn’t run it, I stumbled it). If you don’t know, B2B is a famous San Francisco footrace where everyone dresses up and gets drunk in public. You see lots of people wearing clever costumes and you also see a lot of terrible ones. Nothing is more terrible than a group of Waldos. I saw about seven or eight groups dressed up like the titular character from Where’s Waldo?, and each time I would get increasingly mad. The whole point of Where’s Waldo? is to find Waldo, which is hard because there’s only one Waldo. It defeats the purpose if there is more than one. There should only be one Waldo in the crowd, not five fucking Waldos standing right next to each other. Group Waldos should be banned. It’s not original, it’s not smart, and it needs to stop. So the next time Halloween or Bay to Breakers rolls around and someone suggests that you all dress up as Waldo, you should suggest that they go fuck themselves.

Critically Rated at 1/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Muni

Muni is the nickname for the San Francisco Municipal Railway, the public transportation system for San Francisco. It sucks. It can’t run on time. They say your train is three minutes away, two minutes away, a minute away, arriving… but then there’s no train and then it says its coming in three minutes, two minutes, a minute, arriving, and then that one disappears too. That’s not bad service. That’s fucking lying. You said the train was coming and it didn’t. It’s like that friend who said he would give you a ride to work and then he doesn’t show up when he said he would, so you call him and he says that he’s five minutes away. Five minutes come and go and so you call him so see how far away he is, and he tells you he’ll be there in five minutes. And those five minutes comes and goes, and then another five minutes, and you call him again and he says that he’s four minutes away. And you don’t believe him, but you have to wait for him because he’s your ride. Muni is that asshole friend that has no concept of time.

Wikipedia says that Muni is the 7th largest fleet in the US and is dead last in commute time. That’s not something to be proud of. When your average speed is only 8.1 mph and the city you serve is only 7 miles by 7 miles, you’ve pretty much failed. Muni sucks because it is unreliable and it treats their customers like they are scum. One time I missed the last bus to my house but they refused to give me back my two dollars. They can’t just refund your money; you have to fill out paper work. That’s the exact opposite of customer service. If you pay for a service and they don’t deliver, you shouldn’t have to pay. Muni is like a vampire, it will suck you dry. First they take your soul, then they take your money. The best way to fix Muni? Make the people that run it have to rely on it. Then marvel as the shit finally runs on time.

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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California Baseball Teams

Baseball is America’s pastime and California is America’s best state. I’m not being biased, I’m being factual. There are only thirty clubs in Major League Baseball and five of them are based in California. We have two expansion teams and three of the most storied teams in the MLB. The Oakland Athletics have been an American League team since 1901. They’ve played in Philadelphia, moved to Kansas City, then came to the Bay Area. They have won 9 World Series titles: 5 in Philly and 4 in Oakland. The LA Dodgers and SF Giants are both National League teams with roots in New York City, and they are one of the best rivalries in baseball. The Giants and Dodgers both have roots going back to 1883.  The Dodgers have 6 World Series titles, and the Giants have 7 (and are the reigning World Series Champions for the second time in three years). The Angels were an expansion team in 1961. They currently have one World Series title and right now they have one of the most formidable lineups in baseball.

            The Giants and the Dodgers have been rivals since the NYC days. The Giants and the A’s have a mostly friendly rivalry, but there’s some tension because A’s swept the Giants in the Battle of the Bay in the ’89 World Series. The Angles also beat the Giants in the 2002 World Series and bitter feelings still linger in San Francisco (we were five outs away, then they had to bust out the damn Rally Monkey). The Dodgers and the A’s have a rivalry because they are both competing for the love of LA.

And then there’s the San Diego Padres. They are the little brother of MLB teams in California. They have no World Series Titles and no real rivalry with any other California team because they’ve never really been a contender. They have 2 NL Pennants that they can raise, but you’re not a team until you have a ring. They have a nice stadium. That’s about it.

            The era of the East Coast Bias is long gone. It’s all about the West now. And you have a lot of options for choosing a baseball team in the Golden State. Do you support the NL or the AL? Northern California or Southern California? Do you like winners or losers? No matter what, there’s a team for you. But if I were you, I’d go with the Giants. Can’t go wrong with the best.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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The San Francisco Giants

The San Francisco Giants are the best team in baseball. The Yankees might have won more World Series, but the Giants have won more games. I know that sounds unbelievable, but it’s a fact. Look it up. They have more wins than any North American sports team. That includes football, basketball, soccer, and hockey. The most winning team in the USA ever. And we won two out of the last three championships. That makes us a dynasty.

Right now we have some of the best players out there. We have Buster Posey, former Rookie of the Year and reigning National League MVP, and we have him for 9 more years. People don’t give enough respect to Pablo Sandoval. Yeah, he’s a fatty but he also hit three homeruns in a World Series Game, can hit from both sides of the plate, and makes spectacular plays at third base. We have quite possibly the best pitching rotation in the majors. Our worst starting pitcher has 2 Cy Young Awards. Our best pitcher has achieved perfection. We have three of the best announcers in baseball. Jon Miller is in the Hall of Fame. And Kruk and Kuip are two broadcasters that are as beloved as anyone on the field. Dave Flemming is growing on me. Very slowly, but he’s still growing on me.

We have two of the best players of all time. Barry Bonds is controversial because he was roided out in an era when everyone was roided out. Most people choose to ignore that he was a 40-40 player before he started using, and was perhaps the most dominate player of any generation. Some people might say that Babe Ruth is the Greatest Of All Time because he was the best hitter and a brilliant pitcher. Whatever, he never played against black people or Latinos and white people suck at sports. We also had Willie Mays. He is the leading candidate for being the best player ever. He’s certainly the most rounded. He was the ultimate team player with all five tools: he could hit with power, he could hit for average, great defense, a great arm, and a great base runner. Plus he was smart with great instincts. He was born to play baseball.

The Giants are the best team because they are my team. I love them no matter what. I love them when they win, and I love them when they lose. I anguish in each defeat, I revel in each victory. Baseball allows you to connect with the past. You can always compare a player from today with a player from yesterday. It’s why it’s the national pastime. It doesn’t matter who you root for. Your team is your team. But my team just so happens to be the best.

Critically Rated at 16/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Super Bowl Sunday

It’s Super Bowl Sunday, America’s favorite pseudo-holiday. Football is the religion of choice for a lot of people. Super Bowl Sunday is like Christmas, New Year’s and Flag Day all rolled into one. The Baltimore Ravens face off against the San Francisco 49ers in New Orleans. Oh, and in case you haven’t heard, the two head coaches are brothers so everyone is talking about the Harbaugh Bowl (or Harbowl if you like puns). Some people are talking about Ray Lewis playing his last game. Everyone else is Kaepernicking.

The weird thing about the Super Bowl is that nobody is allowed to say it. It’s always “The Big Game” or some variant. It’s dumb; everyone knows that “The Big Game” is the Super Bowl. I don’t know why the NFL is so opposed to free advertising. I know that the NFL is a business, but they are stingy as fuck. They would charge you for the ice in your soda if they were a restaurant.

The Super Bowl boosts the economy in a lot of ways. Beer and alcohol sales skyrocket. Chips, dip, salsa, wings, cheese plates, and pork rinds fly off the shelves. Big screen TVs and surround sound systems get sold out. And I’m pretty sure that adult diaper sales also increase because you can’t go to the bathroom. You can’t miss the game and you can’t miss the commercials and all that beer has to go somewhere.

Enjoy the game, enjoy the day, and enjoy the people you’re spending it with. Get drunk, eat food, make bets, and have fun. And no matter the outcome, respect your city. It’s a game, not a reason to go riot.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Orange October (documentary)

Orange October is an Internet miniseries about the miraculous and memorable 2012 San Francisco Giants postseason. There are twelve episodes, each one about 5-7 minutes in length. You have to watch this if you’re a Giants fan. You get to relive all the best moments of the postseason and remember how we won all of those elimination games with clutch hitting, great defense, and bizarre Angels in the Outfield-type moments. This documentary chronicles each game and the key plays and contributors as the Giants defeated the Reds, Cardinals, and finally the Detroit Tigers on their way to winning their second World Series title in three years. The 2012 SF Giants were destined to win and no one can deny that they earned it. So check out SFG Productions Presents ITC: 12 Days of Orange October while you wave your rally towel and rock your panda hat. And fuck the Dodgers.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Anchor Steam

Anchor Steam beer is the real San Francisco treat. The Anchor Steam Brewing Company was one of the first microbreweries to go national. They have a few different beers, but their flagship beer is Anchor Steam. Steam beer is also called California common beer, the brewing process results in a beer that has both ale and lager characteristics. Anchor Steam is refreshing and smooth. It has an 4.9% alcohol content so it’s not that strong. It’s still a great beer and I’m enjoying one now.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Buying a Bag

Living in San Francisco has its benefits. There’s good people, great food, museums and parks and tourist attractions galore. There’s also a stupid law forbidding plastic bags from grocery and convenience stores. The goal is to save the environment by making you bring your own reusable bags. Don’t worry though: if you forget to bring your bag you can buy a paper bag for ten cents. It kind of sucks. You don’t even get a choice between paper or plastic. It’s paper or bust, and you’re fucked if it’s raining. A few years ago, a dime bag in SF was weed. Now it’s literally a bag that costs a dime. Global warming changes everything.

Critically Rated at 4/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Fog

One of the best things about living in San Francisco is watching the fog roll in. A lot of tourists gripe about the fog and complain about how cold it is. They don’t appreciate it. Fog is nature’s air conditioning. San Francisco is perfectly comfortable while the rest of California is suffering from a heat wave. The weather stays pretty consistent all year round. Fog is a basically a big ass cloud. A really foggy day is like living in a cloud. It’s pretty awesome except for the lack of visibility. Who needs to see where they are going though?

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Don’t Say “Frisco”

Cool, you are going to San Francisco. It’s an awesome city, one of the best in the world. You will have a great time. Just don’t say “Frisco.” You will look like a tourist. You shouldn’t even say “San Fran.” It’s San Francisco. If that’s too much of a mouthful, “The City” is an adequate nickname. Other cities claim to be called “The City,” but they are lying and we hate liars. If you look up “The City” on Wikipedia (the most reliable website on the planet) the only other city with that nickname is the City of London. There’s your fun Wiki fact for the day. Use it wisely to win a bar bet. And don’t say “Frisco.”

Critically Rated at 7/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Brew Free! Or Die IPA

Beer is good and microbrewed beer is even better. If you want to try a delicious craft brew, I recommend Brew Free! Or Die IPA from San Francisco’s 21st Amendment Brewery. They were one of the first breweries to put an IPA in a can instead of a bottle. It helps to preserve the flavor and it’s also better to take to the beach. It is malty and hoppy and delicious. Plus it has a 7% alcohol content so you’ll be feeling good after a few rounds. This is a good beer with a great name. Except I always want to call it Brew Free! Or Die Hard IPA. I blame Bruce Willis.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Outside Lands 2012

The San Francisco Outside Lands Festival has come and gone again. The festival is held each year in Golden Gate Park and features multiple artists on multiple stages. The 2012 lineup featured such diverse acts as Beck, Of Monsters and Men, Foo Fighters, Andrew Bird, Justice, Alabama Shakes, Explosions in the Sky, Big Boi, The Kills, Passion Pit, Sigur Ros, Fun., Franz Ferdinand, Regina Spektor, Jack White, Santigold, Bloc Party, Dispatch, Skrillex, and the main headliners were Neil Young & Crazy Horse, Metallica, and Stevie Wonder. That’s a pretty good fucking lineup in a time when most festivals are becoming more mediocre. Coachella was so desperate for talent that they had to resort to booking holograms of dead rappers.


This is my fourth Outside Lands in five years and I live ten minutes by foot from the main entrance. I’m not trying to toot my horn, but I’m pretty much an Outside Lands expert at this point. So believe me when I say that this year was a shit show. It was fucking crowded. And that fucking sucked. I was there pretty much the entire festival. I got there around 1:00 the first day and was surprised at how busy it was. There were already lines for the bathrooms and for food. Fridays generally start getting crowded around 5:00 or 6:00, but it seemed like everyone was anxious to get in early.

I saw the two-man band Tanlines, and they put on a decent show. I headed over to the main stage, Lands End, to catch Fitz and the Tantrums, Beck, Foo Fighters, and finally Neil Young & Crazy Horse. Fitz and the Tantrums had everyone moving, even if their songs aren’t as well known. Beck played a lot of old stuff, including Loser and Devil’s Haircut, but he played a few slow songs in a row, including Lost Cause, which kind of put a damper on the mood. Dave Grohl and the rest of the Foo Fighters were great. They had a ton of energy and had everyone jumping and singing. They played a lot of old stuff and some new stuff, but everyone was feeling it.

Neil Young is old. He looks old. He doesn’t act old. He was constantly bobbing and moving to the beat, running and jumping, and generally sweating his geriatric nutsack off. He played a lot of old and obscure stuff, with a few recognizable songs thrown in to pacify the crowd. He refused to end songs and every other song had to have a ten-minute guitar solo. It got old real fast. He seemed like he was just trying to fill a two-hour set at times. I know you’re a legend, but you don’t have to be full of yourself. You’re not Clapton or Dylan… you occasionally hang out with Crosby, Stills, & Nash, but you’re not that cool.

Saturday was ridiculously busy. There were people everywhere all day long. It was almost impossible to find anyone. You had to be wearing something distinctive or be near a landmark or a recognizable flagstick. Security was pretty strict that day. They took away my Captain Morgan. That was pretty disheartening. I saw Geographer, Alabama Shakes, Big Boi, Passion Pit, and Metallica. Geographer was all right, admittedly they aren’t one of the bands that I listen to or have heard of before, but they were pretty good. Alabama Shakes was super crowded. They had a ton of people crammed together to watch them, and I listened to a few songs before my group got claustrophobic/pissed off and we left a little early. I liked what I heard, but we were too far away to get close and to get into it.

Big Boi was supposed to play Outside Lands before, but he got arrested and couldn’t make his gig. This time around he kept referring to the “technical difficulties” that kept him from playing last time, so he would take requests and also play new stuff. He played a few hits from the OutKast days like Bombs over Baghdad and Ms. Jackson. A little hip-hop is refreshing in a lineup like this. Passion Pit had everyone dancing and grooving along. Metallica was super loud and had fire. And a bunch of hits that everyone can scream along to. The fire was awesome. I’m still pissed that they shut down Napster.

Finally Sunday rolled around, and the sun still hadn’t made an appearance all weekend. We hoped that it would come out, but it stayed cloudy and overcast pretty much the whole day, with the occasional glimpse of blue sky. I started the day by catching the end of Allen Stone. What a delightful weird looking white guy. I stuck around the main stage for Fun., Franz Ferdinand, and Regina Spektor. Fun. played a great set. They really lived up to their name. Lead singer Nate Ruess was genuinely having a good time performing and it showed. They really got the crowd going, and that was one of the best acts of the day. Franz Ferdinand also got the crowd going, and everyone was having a good time. Regina Spektor was good, but it’s a slower style of music, so people were more mellow during her set.

Santigold was next on my list, and that was a great show. Everyone was dancing and singing and moving to the beat. One of the highlights was when she invited a bunch of audience members to dance on stage for a song. Bloc Party was next. They put on a decent set, but their sound was distorted. It got better as it went on, but it wasn’t as impressive as I hoped it would be.

Like most of the Outside Landers, I ended the day at Stevie Wonder. Quick fact of the day: Stevie Wonder is a blind musician. He played a bunch of songs, because he’s been around for a while and he has a bunch of songs. He even got up and walked around the stage being lead by one of his backup singers. It was very awesome and slightly awkward.

Outside Lands 2012 had a great lineup and lots of things to see, but it was really crowded. I mean super fucking crowded. At times it was not enjoyable with how many people there were. The bathroom situation was a nightmare. A lot of people (either the smart ones or the really fucked up ones) resorted to pissing in the bushes or behind the portapotties. It seems like Outside Lands is getting too big. I might skip out on it next year, but it all depends on the lineup. It always depends on the lineup.

Critically Rated at 14/17

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J1s

If you don’t know what a J1 is, then I feel sorry for you. J1s are glorified tourists who get a J1 visa that allows them to work in America for a few months, with extra time allotted to tour the states and see the sights. It’s basically a work and travel program for college students from various European countries and a few South American countries. If you’ve even been to New York City, San Francisco, Orlando, or any other hotspot during the summertime and heard a delicious accent from an employee at a touristy restaurant like Hard Rock or Boudin, that was probably a J1.

J1s live together in hotels or hostels, often 3 or 4 crammed into a small space. It is basically dorm living, but you are in America and you have a right to go crazy and party every day and night. And that’s what they do. The cool ones at least.

The J1s experience more of America than most Americans do. They make sure to visit New York City and San Francisco and everywhere in between. They visit Vegas and Disneyland and go skydiving. They live more in 4 months than a lazy American does in 4 years.

J1s have a chance to explore the world and they make the most of it. And then they go home and you talk to them on Facebook. If you are fortunate to befriend some of them, it’s comforting to know that you have a couch you can crash on in Croatia if you need. Or Serbia. Or Ireland. Just don’t go to Moscow. Long story.

Critically Rated at 17/17

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The Rock (film, not an actual rock)

Michael Bay makes crazy blockbusters like Transformers and Bad Boys. His whole theory about filmmaking is if you have lots of explosions and loud noises, no one will realize that the movie sucks. The Rock is a perfect example of this style of shoddy filmmaking. If you only saw one movie during the summer of 1996, it was probably Independence Day. If you saw two movies, this might have been one of them.

A group of rogue Force Recon Marines lead by Brigadier General Frank Hummel (Ed Harris) take control of a bunch of  chemical weapons, get themselves some hostages, and threaten to attack San Francisco unless the US government pays a ransom to the families of deceased Force Recon Marines that died in action and were buried without honor or recognition. Nicholas Cage plays Dr. Stanley Goodspeed, a chemical weapons specialist with the FBI. He gets called in for his expertise, despite his lack of work in the field.

The FBI must sneak onto Alcatraz in order to free the hostages, stop the rogue Marines, and save San Francisco. The only one who can help them sneak into the Rock is the only one who successfully escaped it, a former spy named John Mason (Sean Connery). Mason is an unofficial prisoner, on paper he doesn’t exist. So naturally he’s not too keen to help the FBI.

There’s a lot of bullshit that happens in the movie. There’s a pretty ridiculous car chase through the SF streets involving a Hummer and a Ferrari. There’s a bunch of revelations, like the villain is not actually bad, he just wants what he deserves. You sympathize for him, he’s a victim of an uncaring government, just like John Mason.

A lot of stuff happens. I could tell you about all the little plot developments, but I’m lazy and don’t want to. Shit happens, shit gets resolved, and things blow up, but San Francisco doesn’t.

Nicholas Cage won the Academy Award for Best Actor for his role in Leaving Las Vegas. He followed that amazing performance by starring in The Rock, Con Air and Face/Off. That’s an interesting career choice, you win the highest award for your work and celebrate by becoming a parody of yourself. Nick Cage and Cuba Gooding, Jr. should go bowling together.

Nicholas Cage used to be an actor. Sometimes he still does act. But in most of his movies he’s just a performer. This is the start of his paycheck movies, where he will do whatever project for the money. Sean Connery has a cool voice and can get away with saying all kinds of mediocre shit that sounds awesome because of his crazy accent. Ed Harris a good actor, but this is kind of a waste of his talent.

The Rock is not a bad movie. It’s not a good movie. It’s just a movie with explosions and actors reciting dialog. There’s no reason to see this movie if you haven’t yet.

Critically Rated at 10/17

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