Tag Archives: handshake

Fist Bump

A fist bump (or pound) is a more casual and cooler way to shake hands. You ball your hand into a fist, extend your arm, and lightly tap your knuckles against the other person’s knuckles. You don’t have to be gentle about it, but you don’t have to punch the other person. You’re not playing Bloody Knuckles. You can use the fist bump as a greeting, in lieu of a celebratory high five, and/or as a casual goodbye when someone is leaving. Fist bumps have a few benefits over a high five or handshake. For starters, it doesn’t matter which fist you use unlike with a high five or handshake. It’s virtually impossible to have an awkward fist bump. Everyone’s had an awkward handshake or high five before. Fist bumps are much easier and harder to fuck up on. You also make less surface contact with the other person’s skin, so you don’t have to worry about sweaty palms or clammy hands. And fist bumps are also more sanitary so you don’t have to stress about germs, bacteria, or if they washed their hands when they went to the bathroom.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Awkward Handshake

Awkward handshakes are embarrassing. You’ll bump into a casual acquaintance on the street and you go in to greet him with a handshake as he’s trying to greet you with a fist bump. And you notice that he’s trying to fist bump so you start to make a fist, and simultaneously he sees that you’re trying to shake hands so he switches to a handshake. You both start fumbling around between a potential fist bump and a handshake, and it’s pretty obvious that you guys aren’t on the same page. Someone has to take charge and declare if the greeting will be a bump or a shake. It’s also awkward when you both go in for a handshake and then you try to follow it with a fist bump but he doesn’t catch on and he leaves you there fist bumping the air like a Jersey Shore asshole. An awkward handshake is a terrible way to begin a greeting. It can only go down from there. Just pretend like nothing happened and end the conversation by walking away. You’re not being rude, you’re just trying to save face and redeem yourself.

Critically Rated at 6/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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The Five-Dollar Handshake

The five-dollar handshake is a server’s worst nightmare. You’ll be waiting a table, and everything seems to be going smoothly. The table ordered drinks, appetizers, a couple of entrees, and everything came out on time and tasted great. But then everything changes when you drop the check. The head honcho at the table glances at the bill, opens his wallet, pulls out some cash and places it inside. Then he gets up from the table to hand it to you personally, asks for your name while he shakes your hand, then tells you that you did a great job and to keep the change. You thank him profusely and walk back to the kitchen. But when you go to close the check you realize that he only tipped you five bucks on a $150 check. Congratulations, you were just a victim of the five-dollar handshake. You should expect a five-dollar tip anytime a customer shakes your hand, looks you in the eyes and tells you that you did a great job. I don’t know if the practitioners of the five-dollar handshake are just cheap or ignorant, but they should be weary of getting hit by the karma bus.

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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