Tag Archives: pimple

A Pimple You Can’t Pop

I have a pimple on my nose. I know it’s on the left nostril. I can feel it. There’s pressure. There’s a little bump. But I can’t pop it. And it’s starting to drive me crazy. It’s been there for a couple of days now. It’s not noticeable. I can’t see it. But it’s there and it seems to be settling in and making itself comfortable. It might be there for a while. I don’t like pimples you can’t pop. Popping pimples is the best part about having pimples. Some would argue that it’s the only redeeming factor of pimples. You get immense satisfaction from popping pimples. A pimple you can’t pop is a pimple you don’t want. I’m sure dermatologists would advise you against popping pimples, but that’s only because they pop pimples for a living and want the glory for themselves.

Critically Rated at 3/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Pimple On Your Lip

Last week I got a pimple. Yeah, I still get the occasional pimple. It’s not like I break out or anything. I usually get a pimple, I pop it, and life goes on. But last week’s pimple was different. It was on my lip. A pimple on your lip is one of the worst type of pimples. It’s in a painful spot and it’s painfully obvious that you have a pimple. But a pimple on your lip doesn’t look like a pimple. It looks like a cold sore. And nobody will believe that it’s just a pimple, and you can’t blame them. If you saw someone with a pimple on their lip, you would assume that it’s a cold sore too. It’s just safer to assume that you need to avoid that person. It’s a survival instinct.

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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My Facial Cyst

So a few months ago I noticed a bump on my cheek that looked like a big zit. I tried to pop it unsuccessfully a few times, I tried different types of pimple cream, and I slowly realized that it wasn’t going away. Plus a lot of people were asking me what was wrong with my face. So I finally caved and did the smart thing and called a dermatologist. I made an appointment, hung out in the waiting room, and then got summoned to his office. He took one look at my cheek and said it was a sebaceous cyst, and that he would remove it for me. I laid back, he put some anesthetic on my face and he popped that fucker. I feel the pressure instantly dissipate as the pus and blood drained from my cheek. That part was oddly satisfying. Then he had to scrape out the cystic sack so that it wouldn’t fill up again. That part sucked. He pushed and squeezed on my face while poking and prodding and cutting away the cystic sack. It was painfully uncomfortable. But the whole procedure only took about fifteen minutes, and it was over fairly quickly. He called in his nurse/assistant lady and told her that it was the largest facial cyst that he’s ever removed. I actually felt kind of proud of that fact… this is a 60-year-old doctor with over thirty years of experience in a major US city, and my facial cyst was a milestone in his career. I’ll be talked about at boring staff Christmas parties thrown at his office for the next several years. He got a story, and I got my face back. Fair trade.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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My Dental Abscess

I am fortunate enough to be suffering from a dental abscess right now. That means that I look like a fucking chipmunk, but my cheek is bulging with pus and blood as opposed to acorns. I spent a few days wearing hoodies and hoping that it would go away. It didn’t. It got bigger and more obvious. It looked like I got in a fight and lost. I couldn’t ignore it anymore, so I took the day off and went to the Emergency Room. Fuck Disneyland, the Emergency Room is the happiest place on Earth.  It’s full of sick, hurt and suffering people and the wait time is longer than the DMV.

My name was finally called and they took me into a small room and gave me an IV, some antibiotics and some morphine. I really liked the morphine. They left me alone for 45 minutes as the IV did its thing and I watched a movie on my iPhone. Then the doctor put a small slit in my mouth and started to squeeze the abscess like it was a glorified pimple. The nurse had a little clear vacuum that she used to suck up an obscene amount of pus and blood. It’s amazing how disgusting the human body can be. The procedure was pretty painless. The only downside is that I can’t drink alcohol for a few days. That hurts more than the abscess.

Critically Rated at 10/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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A Pimple

You wake up feeling refreshed and ready to carpe that diem. It’s a great day and you feel great. Until you glance in the mirror and see a pimple. It’s an obvious one too. Pimples suck. And why the hell am I still getting them? I’ve been in my twenties for a while now; I don’t want to look like an awkward teen again. You can either pop it or let it be. Both options still draw attention to your face. Popping pimples is oddly satisfying for some reason. It’s kind of fun to kill a pimple. But I still prefer clear skin.

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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