Tag Archives: saliva

Spitting

Spitting is when you forcibly eject saliva, phlegm, or some other substance from your mouth. Some people consider it gross, but a vast majority of the world’s population enjoys a good spit from time to time. I remember when I went to Moscow and needed to spit, but wasn’t sure if it was taboo or not. I glanced around and saw a babushka hocking a fat loogie onto the sidewalk. Anything is acceptable if a little old lady does it. There are only a few rules about spitting. You shouldn’t spit inside unless you have something to spit into. You shouldn’t spit into the wind. And you should never spit on anyone (unless they really deserve it). Spitting on someone is one of the most insulting things you can do to another person. No normal person has ever enjoyed/appreciated being spat on. Your sister gets off on it though.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Double Dipping

Double dipping is a cardinal sin and should be treated as such. You’ll see somebody grab a chip, dip it in the salsa, and then take a bite. Then you’ll see them dip the chip again with the part that was in their mouth. They are essentially spitting into the salsa even though they deny it. Double dipping is not condoned, but there is a right way to do it. After your initial bite, you simply have to turn the chip 180 degrees and use the sanitary part to get more dip. Then you can dip your half-chewed chip without contaminating the rest of the dip. There you go, you get two dips with one chip without tainting the dip for everyone else. There’s really no excuse for double dipping. It’s gross, it’s rude, it’s lazy, and it’s beyond inconsiderate. I don’t want to taste your spit; I just want to enjoy the guacamole. You shouldn’t share with other people if you don’t have any etiquette.

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Filed under Snacks

Drool

Drooling is an unfortunate bodily function. It usually happens at the most embarrassing and inopportune times. Nothing makes a better first impression than a strand of saliva dangling from the corner of your mouth. It makes the ladies swoon, that’s for sure. Everybody drools. You’ll droll in the middle of a conversation. You’ll drool in anticipation of a delicious dinner. You’ll drool in your sleep occasionally and wake up with a soggy pillow. Sometimes drooling is viewed as cute or adorable, but dogs are the only ones who can get away with that. No human is capable of making drool look attractive. Nobody. If burps are like an oral fart, then drool is like an oral shart. It’s just so liquid and obvious.

Critically Rated at 3/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Gleeking

Gleeking has nothing to do with a cult TV show about singing high school kids. Gleeking is when you project saliva from underneath your tongue. It usually happens randomly, but I know some people who can do it at will. I can’t gleek on demand, it seems to only happen when I’m talking to a hot chick. If you accidently gleek on someone, just ignore it and pretend like nothing happened. Most people will act like they didn’t get gleeked on because they assume that you didn’t mean to spit on them.

Critically Rated at 6/17

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