Tag Archives: loogie

Evaporated Spit

I was walking down the street the other day and I hocked a loogie. I was phlegmy and feeling under the weather and I had to spit. It happens. It happens all the time. It happens so much that I realized that almost every square inch of the sidewalk must have been spat on at some point. In fact, there probably are trace remnants of evaporated spit upon every paved spot on this earth. Everywhere there is concrete, there is evaporated spit or some other bodily fluid. It’s a bit unnerving but you know it’s true. Try not to fall on the ground and you should be fine.

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Spitting

Spitting is when you forcibly eject saliva, phlegm, or some other substance from your mouth. Some people consider it gross, but a vast majority of the world’s population enjoys a good spit from time to time. I remember when I went to Moscow and needed to spit, but wasn’t sure if it was taboo or not. I glanced around and saw a babushka hocking a fat loogie onto the sidewalk. Anything is acceptable if a little old lady does it. There are only a few rules about spitting. You shouldn’t spit inside unless you have something to spit into. You shouldn’t spit into the wind. And you should never spit on anyone (unless they really deserve it). Spitting on someone is one of the most insulting things you can do to another person. No normal person has ever enjoyed/appreciated being spat on. Your sister gets off on it though.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Wet Willy

A Wet Willy is when you lick your finger and stick it in someone’s ear. It’s an awesome prank… if you are 9-years-old. Once you hit double digits it’s time to retire that shit. First off you shouldn’t do shit to other people that you wouldn’t appreciate if you’re on the receiving end of it. Giving someone a Wet Willy is essentially spitting in their ear. Don’t give someone a Wet Willy if you don’t want a loogie on your face. And if have the balls to give someone a Wet Willy, then you should man up and admit it. Don’t lie and say you didn’t lick your finger, that it was just water the whole time. Just embrace the fact that you’re an asshole and confess. Don’t pretend that your victim is cool with your bodily fluids in their orifices and accept responsibility for the shit that you do. If that seems like too much of hassle, then you should avoid giving out Wet Willies, it’s a simple as that. And yes, I was the victim of a Wet Willy today.

Critically Rated at 3/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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