Tag Archives: bus

Sitting in the Aisle Seat

If you’re riding the bus, plane, or train, most of the time you have a few options: you can take the window seat, occasionally there’s the middle seat, and there’s the aisle seat. Each seat has its benefits and drawbacks, but sitting in the aisle seat on public transportation should be your last choice, especially if the bus is crowded. The aisle will be filled with people standing, and your head is right at crotch level and that’s not a good combination. A sudden swerve or bump in the road could result in some unpleasant contact. There’s always some clumsy aisle walker that bumps into you unnecessarily. Plus you have to get up when the guy in the window seat gets up. You’re lucky that you have a seat, but it’s a very inconvenient seat. Come to think of it, you might be better off standing.

Critically Rated at 10/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Let Them Out First

I remember waiting for an elevator when I was about seven or eight years old. The doors opened and I shoved my way inside. As I did, an old lady told me something that I never forgot: “Let them out first!” And that makes sense. It doesn’t matter if you’re waiting for an elevator, the bus, or taking the subway, let them out first. It’s polite, it’s considerate, it’s what you’re supposed to do. It’s actually harder to force your way in when everybody else is going out. Don’t be a salmon. Don’t go against the flow. Let them out first.

Critically Rated at 6/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Blocking the Window Seat

Some people don’t grasp the fact that public transportation is for the public. That means lots of people ride it and everyone has to deal with each other. There are certain rules and customs that people abide by so that they don’t kill anyone. For example you shouldn’t sit in the aisle seat if there’s nobody in the window seat. The first person to sit down in each row should take the window seat. You’re an asshole if you’re blocking the window seat. You’re trying to keep personal space for your selfish self at the expense of the little old lady who is now forced to stand. You’re not making things any more convenient for yourself either. If the bus is crowded someone will tap you on the shoulder and ask to sit down. And you’ll have to get up and move when they do. It doesn’t matter if you’re sitting there because your stop is coming up. Get up and wait by the fucking exit then. There’s no excuse for blocking the window seat. It’s even worse to sit in the window seat and block the aisle seat.  You’re just an asshole. Accept it or change your ways.

Critically Rated at 3/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Getting to the Bus Stop and Seeing Your Bus Approaching

One of the worst things about public transportation is waiting for the public transportation. It’s a shitty feeling to get to your bus stop and seeing your bus driving away. But nothing beats getting to the bus stop and seeing your bus approaching. You casually stroll over as the bus starts slowing down, how convenient. You just need to jump on board and find a seat. No muss, no fuss. You have to enjoy those fleeting moments when the universe seems to revolve around you.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Homeless People Riding the Bus Because It’s Raining

I don’t mind the rain. I like the smell of a fresh downpour. I like the sound of raindrops hitting the roof. I like using the emergency umbrella I carry in my backpack. The only thing I don’t like are the homeless people riding the bus because it’s raining. If you live in a city and rely on public transportation, you’ve probably experienced this too. The rain starts to fall and the homeless try to get dry. They’ll jump on the bus and ride it until their transfer expires. I’m not opposed to homeless people using public transportation, I’m opposed to wet and smelly homeless people using public transportation. It’s worse than wet dog smell. It’s a combination of piss, stale beer, sweaty socks, and depression. Wet bum stench gets stuck in your nostrils and lingers long after you get off the bus. There’s no escaping the stink, it follows you, it knows where you live, and it will haunt your dreams.

Critically Rated at 4/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Filed under People I Feel Sorry For

Getting Up For Your Stop Too Early

You’re on the train or bus heading for your destination and you know that your stop is coming up. In fact, it’s the next stop. So you ding the dingy and get up and shuffle towards the door. But then the vehicle stops at a light or yields for a pedestrian and you’re stuck standing awkwardly by the exit. The clock keeps ticking and seconds turn to minutes and you realize you got up too early. You glance back at your seat and a stressed-out guy in a business suit has already taken it. You were too anxious and karma kicked you in the ass this time. The only thing you can do is act like you meant to get up, like you wanted to stretch your legs or be polite or some other nonsensical reason. Nobody buys it. You fucked up and everyone else knows it.

Critically Rated at 7/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Talking on the Phone on Public Transportation

If you are on the bus, train, ferry, or some other form of public transportation and your phone rings, you have two options. You can do the right thing and ignore the call, or you can answer your phone. It’s understandable to answer your phone. But you should mention right off the bat that you’re on the bus so you can’t really talk. You find out what they want and you end the conversation.  But if you answer and proceed to have a loud and glorified conversation for more than five minutes, you are blissfully ignorant of how rude and obnoxious you are. It’s even worse if you’re the one calling people on public transportation. You are scum and you should know that.

There’s this thing called Other People. You might want to continuously be yakking on your phone for thirty minutes, but Other People don’t want to be forced to eavesdrop on your lame but loud conversation. Other People don’t give a shit about your day, and they don’t want to hear about it.  No one wants to listen your stupid conversation about how drunk you were last night and how mean your boss was today because you were hungover. And you talk a lot of shit about your friends to whoever you’re talking to.

Who calls people anyway? It’s text or bust. Especially on the bus.

Critically Rated at 6/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Missing Your Stop

Taking the bus is a good thing. It’s good for the environment. It’s good for your budget. You just need to know where to jump on and where to hop off. Knowing your stop is essential to taking the bus. If you don’t pay attention to where you are going, how will you know when you get there? Missing your stop is the sign of an amateur, but it happens to everybody. You just have to calm yourself and pretend like it was intentional, that you wanted to walk an extra few blocks back to your stop. Exercise, you know?

Critically Rated at 9/17

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