Category Archives: Entertainment

TV, Movies, etc

March 17, 2012 · 4:18 am

The Return of Superman

Doomsday killed Superman, and the world needs a savior. Four mysterious men show up claiming to be Superman. One is a teenager, one is a cyborg, one has a spiffy looking visor, and one is plated with custom armor. Who is good? Who is evil? Who is pretending? Will the real Superman please stand up?

The emergence of each new Superman fills the void for a Metropolis still grieving for their fallen hero. The Superguys eventually gain their own followers and supporters, each believing their Superman to be the real Superman. Lois Lane has the sneaking suspicion that none of them are actually the real deal. She has some history with Superman, so she is the expert I guess.

The teenaged Superman is really more of a Superboy. He doesn’t like to be called that, but fuck him. He is clone of Superman. He’s an arrogant, cocky, reckless hero, who eventually settles down a bit. The cyborg Superman, also known as the Man of Tomorrow, looks like half Superman and half a Terminator. He is made from Kryptonian technology of course. Spiffy Visor Superman looks the most like Superman, he even has some of his memories, but he is cold, calculating, and ruthless, and that’s not Clark Kent. The armored Superman is the only one who blatantly tells people that he is not the reincarnation of Superman. He is big black guy so I don’t think they would believe him anyway. He is called the Man of Steel or Steel, and his real name is John Henry Irons. One or more of these Superdudes might just have a sinister agenda; you’ll just have to read it to find out.

It’s a long story, much more so than the Death of Superman. It’s pretty easy to follow for as lengthy as it is. There are lots of subplots and a cool twist. I like it more than the Death of Superman; it is more complex of a story with better artwork. You realize that the world needs a Superman, and just because a guy is rocking a cape with an S insignia doesn’t make him a savior.

Critically Rated at 14/17

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March 16, 2012 · 9:31 am

The Little Giants

The ‘90s were a glorious time for kid sports movies. The Sandlot, the Mighty Ducks trilogy, the Big Green, Little Big League, Rookie of the Year… and the Little Giants, easily the best movie about a co-ed Pee-Wee football team of all time. Duwayne Dunham (Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey) directs Ed O’Neill (Married… With Children) and Rick Moranis (Honey, I Shrunk the Kids, Strange Brew, Ghostbusters) in this family film about family, teamwork, and making fun of fat kids.

The basic premise is that Becky “Icebox” O’Shea wants to join her uncle’s Pee-Wee Cowboys team. She doesn’t make the team because she is a girl. So she manipulates her dad into starting a new team, so that she can play too. There’s a “One Town, One Team” rule, and so the rag-tag Little Giants must play the Cowboys to represent the town. Most of the kids on the Little Giants are lousy, but Icebox and a kid named Junior (a young Devon Sawa) are pretty decent. Icebox starts to develop a crush on Junior and has to decide if she wants to be a footballing tomboy, or a cheerleading girly girl. She quits the team and lets them struggle in the big game and then the joins the team again and everyone is happy.

If you quit a team or a group, you let everyone down. She quit the Little Giants when the needed her the most. It was her idea to start the fucking team. And they just let her come back and act like nothing was wrong. She’s either a bitch or a victim of shoddy writing. Yeah, I know I’m getting angry at an old kid’s movie, but shouldn’t kids be learning valuable lessons like DON’T BE A QUITTER?!?

Anyway, there is a motley group of kids that join the Little Giants. You have the nerd, and the mama’s boy, and the Asian kid, and the black kid and the fat kid. The Asian kid isn’t the nerd, the black kid can’t catch a football unless he imagines it’s toilet paper, and the fat kid gets mocked repeatedly throughout the movie. He always farts or falls on the skinny kids. It is really mean-spirited. I wonder if the director or the kid’s agent told him how relentless the fat jokes would be. It’s a great message to send to kids: you can be a valuable asset to a team no matter who you are, but if you are fat you are comic relief. This is America! You can’t make fun of fat kids, they are our future.

Rick Moranis needs to make more movies. Not movies like this, but more movies in general. Come back, Hollywood needs you. Ed O’Neill is a great actor. You forget that Al Bundy is coaching a kid’s football team. He doesn’t cheapen his performance or talk down to the camera. He acts like coaching Pee-Wee football is all he knows or wants to know. He plays it very real and genuine.

This movie is a rip-off of the Mighty Ducks. They just changed a few things, but it’s definitely the story of a crappy sports team that gets slightly uncrappier, and they win the big game. The Mighty Ducks had the Flying V; the Little Giants have the Annexation of Puerto Rico. The Mighty Ducks has Adam Banks, a great player who was on the Hawks and than joined the Ducks. The Little Giants has Spike, a great player who joined the Giants and then switched to the Cowboys (a reverse Adam Banks). The Mighty Ducks has a tiny little actor playing the coach (Emilio Estevez); the Little Giants also has a tiny little actor playing the coach (Rick Moranis). They are both so small, but they try so big.

The Little Giants is a decent family film, but I doubt that kids today still watch it. This isn’t a classic film like the Sandlot or even the Mighty Ducks. It’s entertaining but not life changing. I wouldn’t change my Facebook status for this movie.

Critically Rated at 10/17

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March 15, 2012 · 9:29 am

Batman: The Dark Knight Strikes Again

Frank Miller’s sequel to his brilliant Dark Knight Returns takes everything he did in the first one and destroys it admirably. I can’t tell if Miller is parodying himself or if he just went crazy. It is an interesting read, even if it bastardizes the original. There’s something about train wreck sequels that is appealing.

DKR was set in the ‘80s. DKSA takes place just a few years later, but Gotham and the rest of America aren’t even recognizable. Lex Luthor and Brainiac have taken over the country and left in in a police state. The President of the United States is a computer program. A lot of heroes are forced into working for the government. It is not a good time to be a citizen in the DC universe.

Dark Knight Returns only had a few other heroes besides Superman and the Green Arrow. Dark Knight Strikes Again has a lot more. Wonder Woman, Lara (Superman and Wonder Woman’s love child), Captain Marvel, the Atom, the Flash, Plastic Man, Elongated Man, Green Lantern, the Martian Manhunter all make appearances… is this Batman or the Justice League? The Cold War setting in the first book made Gotham real and the story relatable. DKSA has the Cold War, but it is amped up to the max. It is extremely jarring and isolating. This world is not recognizable, it could never happen. It is too out there. You can tell Miller is trying to outdo himself, but he forgot what he was doing.

Carrie Kelly is a few years older, and is Batman’s Second-in-command. She no longer uses the Robin mantle; now she goes by Catgirl. Batman has a mini army of vigilantes. They all go on raids and try to overthrow Luthor’s dictatorship. The media is a big part of the story too.

The two main villains in the story are Lex Luthor and Brainiac… is this Batman or a Superman comic? Batman is the world’s greatest detective, so seeing him match wits with Luthor is pretty interesting. There is another villain as well, a crazy psycho who models himself after the Joker. It was a nice little twist to find out his real identity. It’s one of the few redeeming parts of the comic.

It is entertaining and worth reading, especially if you read and enjoyed the Dark Knight Returns. This is a shoddy sequel, but not the worst thing to happen to mankind. It is sad to see a genius like Miller losing his touch.

Critically Rated at 11/17

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March 14, 2012 · 2:40 pm

Man on the Moon

Milos Forman directs Jim Carrey in this biopic about the zany Andy Kaufman. Andy Kaufman wasn’t a comedian, he was a performance artist. He didn’t tell jokes; he had characters and tricks and would try to get real reactions from his audience. Is he entertaining the audience or himself?

When people defend Jim Carrey’s acting ability they usually name Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and/or the Truman Show. The fact is that there are a dozen actors that could have played the lead in those movies. John Cusack would’ve killed as Truman. Johnny Depp could have been Eternally Sunshining. The Majestic sucks; we don’t talk about that travesty. Man on the Moon works just because of Jim Carrey. Only Carrey has the ability to transform into the enigmatic Andy Kaufman. You forget that you are watching Jim Carrey. There are times in Truman or Eternal Sunshine where he kind of flails about and you remember that you’re watching Jim Carrey and not a movie. Jim Carrey is Andy Kaufman, you forget about Jim Carrey entirely.

Most biopics are about a very famous person, but Jim Carrey is more of a celebrity than Kaufman ever was. I was born in 1985, there’s no way I ever would have heard of Andy Kaufman if it weren’t for Jim Carrey reintroducing him to the world. Without Carrey, Kaufman might have been forgotten by my generation and the ones that follow.

The cast was great. Danny DeVito and Paul Giammatti play great supporting roles. Even Courtney Love turns in a good performance as the love interest. You can almost forgive her for killing Kurt. Almost. There are lots of cameos from celebrities in Kaufman’s life. David Letterman, Lorne Michaels, the cast of Taxi, and a bunch of other celebrities show up as themselves.

The whole movie is summed up in one simple scene. Andy is sick and dying and seeks out a psychic surgeon. He realizes that it’s just a scam artist pulling a fast one and laughs at the irony.

Kaufman was larger than life, a true original. He deceived the audience and loved messing with them. It didn’t matter if they loved him or hated him, as long as their emotions were real. Real responses and reactions make real art. The film covers a lot of Andy’s great moments, from his early standup, to his SNL appearances, to his antics as Tony Clifton, and to his final triumphant show at Carnegie Hall. When you finish watching it, you want to go online and find more of his bits and material. You want to learn more about Andy Kaufman, and that’s the sign of a successful biopic.

Critically Rated at 15/17

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March 13, 2012 · 9:35 am

Fast Times at Ridgemont High

I’m trying to write a decent review of Fast Times at Ridgemont High, but Phoebe Cates is demonstrating a blowjob on a carrot and I can’t concentrate. Goddamn, I miss the ‘80s.

Teen movies are a hit or miss. Fast Times is a hit. If you do a movie about high school right it stays relevant. Cameron Crowe (Almost Famous, Jerry Maguire) wrote the script and Amy Heckerling (Clueless) directs this teen comedy about a couple of students trying to survive the school year at Ridgemont High.

Like most high school movies, sex is what drives the plot. They portray sex as being something special, something common, something scary, something fun… It all depends on the character. Stacy is inexperienced and doesn’t want to be. Rat is inexperienced and wants to be. Mike is inexperienced and pretends he’s not. Linda is experienced but not by much.

Fast Times launched the careers of Sean Penn, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Judge Reinhold, Forrest Whitaker, Nicholas Cage, and Phoebe Cates. Sorry Shannon Elizabeth, but Phoebe Cates coming out of the pool is the sexiest teen movie scene ever. This is why cinema was invented. There is a decent amount of nudity in this movie. It’s unusual because it is a female director making a comedy geared towards teenage boys, and the two main female characters have nude scenes. They aren’t demeaning scenes, but it doesn’t do much for women empowerment.

Mike Damone is a great character. Kudos to Robert Romanus for his portrayal of the sleazy and cool Mike Damone. He seems so cool and confident, offering Rat pretty solid advice on talking to girls. He is a bookie and ticket scalper, and acts like a badass. But that’s just what it is: an act. He is just another confused high school kid trying to be more grownup than he is. He makes mistakes and doesn’t own up to them. He is an asshole to Stacy, but you still can’t hate him.

Brian Backer plays Rat, the naïve nice boy who just can’t win. He is the only character that stays true to himself. He likes Stacy, tries to woo her, has a chance and blows it, and he still doesn’t give up and gets her in the end. But he stays a virgin. That’s kind of a change of pace from most high school movies where they vow to pop their cherry and finally do.

Sean Penn plays Spicoli, the school stoner. He does typical movie stoner things like ordering a pizza to class (way before Zack Morris). He has his moments, like crashing Jefferson’s car and framing the rival school so he takes it out on them. Sean Penn is a good actor. Not in this movie. He plays a funny character, but he plays it extremely over the top. He is nonfunctional, an idiot. It is insulting to stoners. Go watch Harold and Kumar, those are real stoners, not stereotypes. I like Spicoli’s character, just not Penn’s portrayal of him.

This is a movie about high school students and high school. Fittingly there is an absence of parents. Stacy and Brad’s parents always seem to be out of town. Spicoli’s annoying brother relays messages from his parents to Spicoli. There are only a few adults shown, and they are mostly authority figures like managers or teachers. Mr. Hand is a great character. We all had a teacher like him: a strict hardass that you dislike at first and then grow to respect.

Even if you’ve never seen Fast Times, you have heard of it and see references to it all the time in popular media. The Phoebe Cates pool scene is heavily parodied. If you’ve ever called someone a “wuss,” that comes directly from Fast Times. A couple decades later, American Pie would bring us “MILF”. That is a legacy of a good teen movie: bringing new catchphrases to the world.

This is a classic teen movie, up there with Porky’s and Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. This movie came out thirty years ago, and high school kids are still relating to it. Just like they will in another thirty years.

Critically Rated at 14/17

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March 12, 2012 · 11:33 am

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (book)

The Harry Potter Saga concludes in the seventh and final book. Things are much different this time around. Harry, Ron and Hermione blow off their final year at Hogwarts and embark on a quest to track down and destroy Voldemort’s remaining Horcruxes in order to defeat him. Voldemort has essentially taken over the wizarding world, forcing Harry and his supporters to go on the run. The war has started, and you can’t help but draw parallels between this war and the Nazi takeover during World War II.

Harry has no guide or mentor anymore. Dumbledore and Sirius were both selfish and died, and Harry rejected Lupin’s help. All he has is Ron and Hermione to help keep him on the right path. The friendship between Harry, Ron and Hermione is strained almost to the breaking point. Ron has always been jealous of Harry and Harry has always been stubborn. Some shit goes down and Ron decides to bail. Harry and Hermione trek on together for a bit, but Ron’s absence is noticed. It is a relief when he comes back.

Halfway through the book, the trinamic trio is still tromping from place to place. They only have one Horcrux with no clue as to how to destroy it. They don’t even know what or where the other Horcruxes are. It makes you feel very worried, you know that the book is ending soon and they are running out of time. The final third part of the book takes place in one day. Everything that happens the morning leading up to the Gringott’s raid to the fall of Voldemort occurs in one day. Sorry I didn’t put a spoiler alert there, but if you didn’t know that Voldemort dies I feel really bad for your parents. I liked the nineteen years later epilogue as well, but I think that seventeen years later would have been better.

Severus Snape is the man. He spends the entire seven books being an enigma. You can never tell where his loyalty lies. All you know is that Dumbledore trusts him, but Dumbledore makes mistakes too. J.K. Rowling’s best character is the most mysterious, but his ultimate redemption is enough cause to go back and reread the entire series, because now you know his motivation. Certain actions make sense with this new information, whereas before they seemed out of character. His final line, “Look… at…me…,” is amazing, and I love it even more because J.K. Rowling respects the reader, and doesn’t cheapen it by blatantly stating “Harry, look at me so that I can die gazing into your mother’s eyes, oh, how I loved Lily so.”

Dumbledore’s backstory makes you look at him in a new light. He was not always a great man. He had to learn about himself, what his strengths were and what his weaknesses were. You learn about his family life, and some of his shadier moments. You aren’t sure if you can fully trust him, even though you want to. This doubt heightens the drama when Harry learns he must sacrifice himself. Is Dumbledore capable of raising Harry like a lamb for slaughter?

Harry Potter steps up in the Order of the Phoenix. In Deathly Hallows, Neville Longbottom steps up. While Harry is out running around in the woods, Neville takes it upon himself to rebel against Snape and restarts Dumbledore’s Army. He protects the other students at his own expense. He was deserving enough to get the Sword of Gryffindor (like Harry back in Chamber or Secrets), and he uses the sword to kill Nagini, a.k.a. the final Horcrux. Only the most important characters destroy a Horcrux. Dumbledore destroys the ring, Harry destroyed the diary (and himself), Hermione destroyed Hufflepuff’s cup, Ron destroys the locket, the diadem was accidently destroyed by Fiendfyre, and Neville destroys Nagini. He comes full circle, from being comic relief to being Harry’s pureblood equivalent.

It is a great book, and the best ending that she could have come up with. I will never begin to understand how she could create and finish such an amazing and magical series with the pressure of the world watching, waiting, and judging. J.K. Rowling became the first ever author billionaire. She deserves all her success and more. She didn’t invent wizards or goblins or magic wands. But she made them her own, and created a timeless story that seals its place with masterpieces of literature like the Lord of the Rings and Goosebumps.

Critically Rated at 16/17

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March 11, 2012 · 10:07 am

The Death of Superman

This is the best selling graphic novel of all time! That doesn’t mean it’s the best! It just means a lot of people bought this comic to see how the iconic Superman died. A mysterious creature named Doomsday appears, causing a trail of destruction as he makes his way towards Metropolis.

Doomsday is unstoppable. He destroys the Justice League with little effort. His strength rivals Superman’s and with each conflict he only seems to grow more powerful. Superman tries repeatedly to keep Doomsday from advancing to Metropolis. Eventually he fails, and the two have an insane battle before they beat each other to death. Oh yeah, spoiler alert.

The beginning seems really dated. This isn’t a stand-alone story; it came directly from the comics so there are a few random characters and forgotten plot lines that don’t make much sense. Jimmy Olson being Turtle Boy… ok DC, that was a memorable arc. But once the action gets going it doesn’t stop until the final panel.

This isn’t a great story really. But it is essential for any collection. You have to have the best selling graphic novel of all time. That’s a given. It is entertaining, and although it lacks depth, it is still pretty interesting to see Superman straining and struggling to defeat Doomsday. It was downright shocking to see him die. I hope he comes back!

Critically Rated at 13/17

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March 10, 2012 · 10:33 am

Home Alone 2: Lost in New York

Mac is Back! Kevin McCallister is neglected by his parents once again, but this time he’s in the Big Apple, and he’s learning that being alone in a giant city is even more fun than being Home Alone in the suburbs. And for whatever unexplained reason Harry and Marv are free from jail and decide to go to NYC too. Good times will be had by all.

This is not a good movie. It is a good sequel in that it doesn’t shit on the original. Granted Home Alone is not a deep or clever movie, but it was fun and lighthearted, and this sequel captures the look and tone of the first one. It feels like a continuation, and not just another attempt to do the exact same thing to make more money. Ok, some parts are like that, but it’s still better than Hangover 2.

Kevin is a mischievous kid, but his heart is in the right place. He finds out that Harry and Marv plan on stealing donated money for a children’s hospital, and does what he can to stop them. He also befriends a homeless lady, and learns that she is a person, not just a scary pigeon lady. What a great message to send to kids: befriend homeless people and they will teach you valuable life lessons… about living on the street.

Not to brag or anything, but I did have a Talkboy. And it was not nearly as useful for hijinks as you would think. It was basically a waste of money. And time. I wish I still had it.

This movie has the whole “friendship knows no barriers” malarkey. There is also the whole “love between mother and son” vibe. As shitty of a mom as Catherine O’Hara is (how do you lose your kid twice in two consecutive Christmases?), she loves Kevin. She knows how scared he is, and she knows where to find him. As much as these movies are about Kevin being Home Alone, it is also about the lengths a mother will go through to get back to her son.

Critically Rated at 11/17

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March 9, 2012 · 8:51 am

Batman: the Dark Knight Returns

Frank Miller’s Dark Knight Returns is about an aging Batman who comes out of retirement to save Gotham once again. All superheroes have been retired, with the exception of Superman. Miller wrote and drew the comic, so the text and the artwork go hand in hand. The story is harsh, and the drawings are crude, creating a used, worn tone that perfectly suits a disgruntled Batman.

Batman has been retired for ten years, but Bruce Wayne still has some work to do. A few criminals from his past have been once again wreaking havoc on Gotham City. New criminals and new gangs like the Mutants have also started a reign of terror. It’s the height of the Cold War, and the Reaganesque President, the Government and Superman are also antagonists.

Batman is a little old and a little rusty. He has to find his place in a city that has forgotten how much they need him. Fighting crime isn’t as easy as it used to be. Batman recruits a new Robin, a spunky thirteen-year-old girl named Carrie Kelly. She doesn’t follow orders well, but she is a natural fighter and saves Batman a few times. There are a few returning Batman favorites like Alfred, Gordon, Selina Kyle, Two-Face and the Joker.

The media is an important character as well. Various anchormen, reporters, interviewed experts, and eyewitness reports all chime in on the Batman issue. The reader is constantly bombarded with new reports and interviews; it makes the stakes seem higher. You see how Gotham and the rest of America is going down a dangerous path. They need a hero, and Superman is not who they need.

Superman has been relegated to being the president’s puppet. The President orders Superman to go after Batman after a few plot developments. There ends up being an epic showdown between Batman’s wits and Superman’s abilities. The final fight between the two greatest DC heroes is one of the best moments in comic history. It is clever, smart, and seems underwhelming at first, but gradually you see how it was the best way to end the story.

Frank Miller did some amazing stories before he went batshit crazy and started parodying himself. This is one of his best comics, one of Batman’s best comics, and one of the industry’s best comics. It is essential reading for a Batman fan. It’s a good time, check it out.

Critically Rated at 14/17

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March 8, 2012 · 10:19 am

Titanic

James Cameron is one hell of a filmmaker. This is a movie where you know the ending. You know that the Titanic is going to sink. You know that it is doomed, but you don’t care. This was the first movie to make over a billion dollars at the box office, it just kept making money. Everyone and their mom saw this movie. It was everywhere. It didn’t even open at number one, people just saw it and kept coming back and it blew up by word of mouth.

This movie has it all: romance, adventure, death, destruction, DiCaprio…. The special effects are a little dated, but they still hold up because the story holds up. Everyone likes to make fun of this movie. They are ashamed they saw it three times in the theater and still get mad when Rose lets go. The fact is that a movie can’t make an absurd amount of cash if people aren’t going to see it. Titanic is like Nickelback, you shit on it in public, but you know every word by heart. They write some amazing songs guys.

Titanic has a case for being the best film of all time. It won eleven Oscars out of fourteen nominations. It made over 1.8 billion dollars. It was the number one film for fifteen weeks straight (until Lost in Space came out, remember that gem?).  Of course it’s not the best film, but that’s really beside the point. This movie was a sensation, it was an event. And it’s coming out in 3D so get ready for that.

Titanic really launched Leonardo DiCaprio’s career. It wasn’t his first movie, but it was bigger than anything anyone had done before. It set the tone for the rest of his filmography; he would never do a paycheck movie. He would chose quality scripts and even if they weren’t box office sensations, at least he was always good in them. Kathy Bates gets a shout out for playing the Unsinkable Molly Brown. She had a bit part, but stands out. Billy Zane steals the film as Cal. He is a very compelling actor, and I wish he starred in more films. He’s wearing a hairpiece in this film; he’s been bald since the early ‘90s. Kate Winslet did a decent job as Rose, but it was really amazing to be a kid and see full on boobs and nipples in a PG-13 movie. Maybe that’s the secret to box office success: titties for kiddies! 

There’s a lot of corny lines that get quoted often, but the most quoted is, “I’m the king of the world!” The thing is, when you go back and watch the movie again, that line is not corny. It is spontaneous, real, and a triumphant line. All those scenes at the front and the back of the ship are cliché, but they work because Cameron makes them genuine. He knows film, and he knows how to manipulate emotions. None of his stories are unique, you’ve seen them a thousand times before, but you haven’t seen them presented like this. It’s grandeur, it’s spectacle, but it’s also relatable. You try doing that.

The Titanic hits an iceberg and begins to sink. And then you see the best and worst of humanity. You see the greedy and corrupt lie and cheat their way onto lifeboats. You see others who have given up and decide to go out on their terms. You see mothers gently caressing their kids. You see people working together and fighting each other. The best and the worst often go hand in hand.

And of course there is that ambiguous ending. Is Rose dead? Is she dreaming? Will the top stop spinning? Does it matter?

Critically Rated at 12/17

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March 7, 2012 · 9:38 am

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (film)

David Yates returns to direct his second film in the Potter Franchise, the second director to do so. This is the final film where Harry, Ron, and Hermione are students at Hogwarts, and they spend a lot of time doing school activities. A much slower film than the other ones, this is setting the foundation for the Deathly Hallows adaptation.

Warner Bros. really dropped the ball with this installment. They pushed back its release date from November 2008 to July 2009, because the Dark Knight made a billion dollars and they didn’t need any more revenue in 2008. Not only did Potter fans have to wait an extra 8 months, but the studio heavily promoted Half-Blood Prince as being in IMAX 3D. The first twenty minutes were in 3D. The first twenty minutes only. You don’t even see Hogwarts in 3D. Lame, lame, lame…. Especially since Order of the Phoenix had such an amazing 3D climax. How can you do 3D so perfectly and than butcher it so drastically in the very next film?

There is a lot of emphasis of student life in this movie. There are the usual bits with Harry riding the Hogwarts Express with Ron and Hermione and stuff, but they also show the students lounging around in the dorm. They do more homework and classwork than in the last few films. Quidditch makes a glorious return. Hogwarts itself feels like another character.

This movie is more character driven than Potter 4 and 5. It feels more like Azkaban, but with less action. It is a dark story, but is lighter than the book. There are a few nitpicky criticisms that I have. Like why do they cut so much out but add totally made up events that have no impact on the story? There was no reason to have the Burrow attacked and burned down by the Death Eaters. There was no mention of it later on in the Deathly Hallows; it was just completely unnecessary. Even worse than adding unimportant events is adding unimportant characters. Sorry cute black Muggle coffee shop chick, but you suck and we could have used some Dobby time instead of you. How come Harry and Ginny barely kissed but Harry and Cho made out for about 35 minutes in Order of the Phoenix?

The whole movie is kind of a step in the wrong direction. It is really slow and some parts are down right boring. The book was kind of like that too, but they could have found some momentum in the story. Michael Gambon’s final few scenes as Dumbledore were performed well. Dumbledore looks so tired and weakened after the cave and inferi sequence, it is almost a relief to see him pass on. One of the weakest films in the franchise, but you are still going to watch it multiple times. A bad Harry Potter film is like a bad beer… it’s not really bad, its just there are way better ones out there.

Critically Rated at 13/17

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March 6, 2012 · 11:05 am

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (book)

Harry, Ron, and Hermione are back at Hogwarts for their sixth year, and the sixth book is the darkest one yet. Voldemort is steadily gaining power, and even the Muggle world is starting to be effected by him. The war is coming, and Dumbledore knows isn’t going to be around much longer, so he starts to prepare Harry for what lies ahead.

Voldemort is still the main antagonist, but he isn’t physically present in this installment, he only appears in flashbacks in the Pensieve. Dumbledore and Harry explore memories that people have of Voldemort in order to gain insight as to defeat him. Dumbledore’s theory is that Voldemort has been creating Horcruxes to cheat death. Harry must figure out what items Voldy used to create the Horcruxes and he must find a way to destroy them.

Professor Horace Slughorn is a fun new character. Dumbledore convinces him to come out of retirement and resume his old position as the Potions teacher. Slughorn is the Head of Slytherin House. He has all the attributes of a typical Slytherin: he is a cunning, ambitious leader who enjoys power. He collects students that have potential, and uses his contacts from the “Slug Club” to improve his own status in life. He is a little bigoted, but he still can see past one’s blood status. Most Slug Club members are pure blood, but Lily and Hermione were still recruited, and Lily was his favorite student.

There isn’t as much of a mystery plot in this story. They spend some time trying to figure out what Malfoy is up to, and they also try to discover who the Half-Blood Prince is. A lot of time is dedicated to showing student life at Hogwarts. Ron gets a girlfriend and Hermione gets jealous and they have stop hanging out for a while. Harry develops feeling for Ginny and is torn between his heart and loyalty to his best friend. It seems like J.K. Rowling is setting everything up for the final book.

SPOILER ALERT: So Dumbledore dies at the end of this one. And now Harry is in control of his fate, he doesn’t have anyone to guide him anymore.  He doesn’t have Sirius or Dumbledore to ask advice. He’s not alone, he still has Ron and Hermione, but he knows that it is time to face Voldemort.

You find out at the end that Snape is the Half-Blood Prince. The book is basically called Harry Potter and Snape. J.K. does a tremendous job handling Snape’s moral ambiguity. You can never tell if he is good or evil, or which side he is on. The final reveal of his character in the Deathly Hallows would not have worked without his depiction in this book.

This book is much slower than the previous entries to the series. It’s more reflective and a character study than an exciting book about a wizard war. It’s the calm before the storm. A very important step before all Hell breaks loose.

Critically Rated at 13/17

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March 5, 2012 · 8:52 am

Eastbound & Down

Danny McBride is Kenny Fucking Powers, a washed up major league pitcher. He had it all and lost it all. He is brash, arrogant, and hilarious. He has a lot of talent but no work ethic, and blames everyone else but himself for his problems. He’s the jock who never grew up.

The first season is about Kenny moving into his brother’s house and working as a gym teacher. He’s hit rock bottom and knows it. He tries to adjust and rekindle a relationship with an ex-girlfriend who is also working at the school. But April is also engaged to the principal. You gotta have a love triangle or there’s no drama, right? Kenny’s old acquaintance/new assistant Stevie helps Kenny on his mission to get back to the majors.

Season 2 finds Kenny in Mexico. He is even more lost and pathetic than he was in the first season. He is trying to forget about his old life, but he can’t forget about April and the lure of pitching in the big leagues. Stevie shows up to help him get back on track, again. In Season 3 Kenny is Myrtle Beach and pitching for a minor league team. April runs off and leaves Kenny with their baby, and hijinks ensue.

Kenny is rude and selfish, but you still want him to succeed. He wasted his talent, but at least he tries to redeem himself. He’s a selfish dick and embraces it, which makes him likeable somehow. HBO lets him get away with everything, so there tons of swearing and nudity. Will Ferrell, Craig Robinson, Gary Cole, and a bunch of other actors make appearances. If you like Judd Apatow movies, you will love this show. It’s hysterically funny, with a little heartfelt drama from time to time, and great characters with great jokes. Danny McBride is awesome.

Critically Rated at 15/17

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March 4, 2012 · 9:36 am

Seinfeld

Seinfeld is the best show of the ‘90s without a doubt. It was a show about nothing, and by doing that, it was about anything. There are so many great moments, characters, lines and episodes. If you don’t like Seinfeld, I don’t like you.

Each character was great. You know you have a solid show when your standup comedian star is the least funny character and is essentially the everyman that the viewer relates to. Jerry Seinfeld stars as himself, a standup comic living in New York City. He hangs out with his best friends George and Elaine and his crazy neighbor Kramer. Seinfeld used to bookend each episode with material from his comedy routines, but that happened less and less as the show progressed. He is a ladies man and always seems to have a smoking hot girlfriend. He is almost the straight man, but is a little too sarcastic.

Julia Louis-Dreyfus plays Elaine Benes, Jerry’s friend and an ex-girlfriend. She is feisty, aggressive and shoves Jerry a lot. She dances like a kicking fool. Michael Richards plays Kramer, the crazy next-door neighbor who always makes a zany entrance. He is a constant mooch, he doesn’t have a steady job, but he seems to be doing alright because he’s Jerry’s neighbor, and Jerry isn’t poor. Jason Alexander plays George Costanza, Jerry’s best friend and a loser. He’s short, bald and neurotic, and one of the best sitcom characters of all time.

Some episodes feel a little dated now, but the majority of them are still relevant, and all of them are funny. This was the water cooler show of the ‘90s, it WAS pop culture. Who can forget the Soup Nazi, man hands, being the “master of your domain”, Junior Mints, the Summer of George, yada yada yada, shrinkage, Bubble Boy, Steinbrenner, Festivus, “these pretzels are making me thirsty”, and J, Peterman? The series finale was not a terrible way to end the show. They brought back dozens of fun characters, and they pointed out how mean-spirited Jerry and his friends were.

Thanks to DVD releases and syndication you can watch all 9 seasons of Seinfeld and be happy. Network television has had a void ever since Jerry decided to walk away. HBO has Curb Your Enthusiasm, and it is very funny and very similar, but there was something comforting about Jerry and the Gang that Larry David is lacking. Some of Curb’s best episodes involve Seinfeld cast members, and the Seinfeld Reunion story arc is amazing and makes you remember what you’re missing. The best TV show of the ‘90s, and the best network sitcom ever.

Critically Rated at 16/17

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March 3, 2012 · 8:42 am

The Goonies

Richard Donner (Superman, Radio Flyer) directs, Chris Columbus (Home Alone) writes, and Stevie Spielberg (it’s Spielberg, c’mon) produces this classic movie about a group of friends called the Goonies who go on an amazing adventure in search of the fabled fortune of One-Eyed Willie to save their foreclosed homes. A dangerous family of fugitives (the Fratellis) is hot in pursuit of the Goonies. It is a fun adventure movie. It doesn’t try to take itself seriously, which makes it more appealing. This is one of those rare movies that you can watch with your mom or your best friend, and if you have a little baby you’d watch it with him too. You can watch it multiple times, you want to quote it, and you want to share it with other people.

This is one of the few movies with a great cast of child actors. Casting a kid heavy film can make or break a film. This cast is on par with other great kid casts like in The Sandlot and Stand By Me. Sean Astin, Josh Brolin and a few others made the transition to become working adult actors. And Corey Feldman outlived Corey Haim, which is pretty amazing. Jonathan Ke Quan plays Data. A lot of Asians depicted in movies around this time are blatantly racist and are only there for comic relief. This movie came out a year after Pretty in Pink with the super racist caricature Long Duk Dong. In this flick, Data is just one of the Goonies. He has a few lines in Vietnamese and uses broken English occasionally, but they don’t call attention to it, and they don’t make fun of him. There are no stupid stereotypes. Data is Harold wayyyy before he met Kumar.

It is kind of weird how much Mikey grows and changes throughout the movie. He grows so much that he no longer has asthma. I don’t think it works like that. Another weird thing is calling the pirate One-Eyed Willie. It is clearly a penis reference in a movie for kids. Why not call him something more subtle like Mushroom-Tip Johnson or Pocket-Snake Dick? And how come Chunk doesn’t ask his parents if this giant deformed man-baby can live with them? He just tells Sloth he’s going to live with him now.

Weird stuff aside, if you haven’t seen this movie, then you didn’t have a childhood.

Critically Rated at 15/17

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March 2, 2012 · 8:31 am

Batman: Year One (comic)

Frank Miller’s reimagining of Batman’s origin. Miller’s tale is dark, blunt, and introduces us to Bruce Wayne before he is Batman. David Mazzucchelli’s artwork is clean, sharp and distinct. Together the writing and art present a very interesting and dense story that crams in a lot of references to Batman and the DC universe.

            Miller’s Batman is a little more mellow, and more in line with earlier depictions of Batman as opposed to his Dark Knight Returns and Dark Knight Strikes Again character. He is more relatable. This was written after Dark Knight Returns, so hopefully Miller had a bigger picture in mind when he was writing this. It doesn’t feel like it is in the same timeline.

Bruce Wayne/Batman is the main character, but there is a lot of focus on James Gordon before he becomes Commissioner. Selina Kyle/Catwoman is also featured heavily, as well as a pre-Two-Face Harvey Dent and a cryptic reference to a villain known as the Joker.

This is a good book to start with if you want to see what Batman comics are all about. Frank Miller was amazing back in the day, and this is one of his best stories. It is smart, compelling and fun for newcomers and old fans of Batman. Batman stories are essentially of the detective/mystery genre, so even if you aren’t interested in superheroes it should still appeal to you.

Critically Rated at 14/17

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March 1, 2012 · 9:29 am

That Thing You Do!

Tom Hanks directs this fun movie about the rise and fall of a fictional ‘60s rock band.  A good cast and a soundtrack full of pseudo-sixties hits highlight the film. I imagine the ‘60s were a lot like this, but with way more drugs and hippies.

Tom Everett Scott stars as Guy Patterson, a drummer who joins up with a local group called the Wonders for a talent show gig. He plays the wrong tempo, and their ballad becomes a catchy pop song that takes America by storm. The Wonders get a manager, a recording contract, a new different manager and go on tour. There are lots of parallels to the rise and fall of a little band called the Beatles.

Adam Schlesinger from Fountains of Wayne, known for their song Stacy’s Mom, wrote the title song. It is catchy and gets stuck in your head, but you don’t get annoyed with hearing it fifty times throughout the movie. The majority of the songs heard in the film are written for the movie, but they capture the vibe of the ‘60s music scene.

Johnathon Schaech plays Jimmy, the lead singer of the Wonders. Liv Tyler has a supporting role as Faye, Jimmy’s girlfriend. Ethan Embry plays the unnamed bass player. The underused Steve Zahn plays Lenny the guitar player and provides comic relief.

The movie is fun, lighthearted, and entertaining. The soundtrack is original and nostalgic at the same time. It has a lot of heart and is rewatchable, two important attributes to making a classic movie. A few more years and this will be.

Critically Rated at 13/17

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