Monthly Archives: December 2013

December 6, 2013 · 8:55 am

Life Hacks

Life hacks are simple but clever tips and tricks to use in your everyday life. A lot of them involve solving a problem with a common object that you have lying around. For instance you can use a straw to core a strawberry, binder clips to organize cables and wires, or using a sheet of paper to make an impromptu CD case. Other life hacks show you how to use objects more efficiently, like tying extension cords together to keep them from pulling apart, peeling a banana from the bottom, and unrolling those disposable paper condiment cups for maximum dipping potential. And some life hacks are about creating culinary treats that are easy and delicious to make, like cooking cupcakes in ice cream cones, or pouring pancake batter over bacon to make bacon pancakes. The internet is full of life hacks. Some of them are more practical than others, but you need to be careful. Some of them don’t work, and some of them are totally fake and are intended to fuck with gullible minds. I’m telling you right now, you can’t charge your phone by nuking it in the microwave. You should check out life hacks if you have some time to kill. You might find a trick that will change your life.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 5, 2013 · 10:03 am

Repeal Day

December 5th is Repeal Day, my favorite underrated holiday. It’s the anniversary of the 21st Amendment getting ratified, which ended prohibition in the United States. Drinking was suddenly legal again, and the country rejoiced and celebrated with a drink. It’s not like people weren’t getting drunk during prohibition, but the 21st Amendment’s passing meant that they didn’t need to hide it anymore. Prohibition failed. People drank more and they drank harder. Criminals and mobsters rose to power, supplying a thirsty nation with moonshine and hooch. Even prohibition’s biggest supporters had to admit that it was a terrible fucking idea, that alcohol was the fuel that keeps this machine running. And so they passed the 21st Amendment on December 5, 1933 and a new holiday was born. Raise your glass and wish somebody a Happy Repeal Day!

Critically Rated at 16/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 5, 2013 · 10:02 am

Iced Tea With No Ice

I once had a customer order an iced tea with no ice. It was no big deal, but it got me thinking… is it still iced tea if it has no ice in it? At my restaurant we brew iced tea with a machine. We take the teabag, we put it in the filter, we press a button, hot water runs through the teabag, cold water is added to cool it down, and the end result is a big container filled with room temperature tea. Then you serve the tea in a glass filled with ice cubes and garnished with a slice of lemon. But no ice ever makes contact with the tea until it is in the glass. Iced tea literally means tea that has been iced. It’s not iced if you haven’t used any ice. So iced tea with no ice doesn’t really exist and it’s definitely not on our menu.

Critically Rated at 9/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 4, 2013 · 11:19 am

Your Fly is Down

You’re walking along on a hot day and feel a breeze on your face. It feels good until you notice that you can feel the breeze downstairs too. Your fly is open and you’ve just realized it now. Awesome. You wonder how many people saw. You wonder what they saw. And you also wonder why nobody said anything. Surely one Good Samaritan could have whispered “XYZ” as he passed by you. You feel like a fool when you find out your fly is down. It’s like walking around with something in your teeth, but even worse because it potentially involves your genitals. Always check that your fly is up. Nobody deserves to be arrested for indecent exposure because of a faulty zipper.

Critically Rated at 8/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 4, 2013 · 11:17 am

Dogfish Head 90 Minute Imperial IPA

Dogfish Head was one of the first craft brewers to really explode and kick off the current beer renaissance that we are enjoying today. Their 90 Minute Imperial IPA has won them awards and recognition from beer drinkers from all over the world. A lot of people say it is a perfect IPA. You can’t consider yourself a beer buff if you’ve never tried it. It has a well balanced aroma of hops and malt, flowers and honey. The flavor is pine and citrus hops, bready malt, and hints of coffee and caramel. It goes down clean, creamy, and smooth. It’s very well-rounded and you can’t even notice the 9.0% alcohol content. This is a gateway beer. Once you try a premium craft beer like this, you can’t go back to that mass-produced lager bullshit.

Critically Rated at 16/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 3, 2013 · 10:34 am

Drano

Drano is either a brand name or a generic term for liquid drain cleaning products. It’s basically a liquid plumber. You pour it down a clogged drain or a backed up sink, wait fifteen minutes to a half hour, and flush it out with hot water. Drano eats through hair, grease and gets rid of the clog. It just might take a little bit of time and more than one bottle. Drano is kind of like a drug. You use it once and it kind of works, but then the clog comes back so then you need to get more Drano. And the clog goes away for a little bit, and then comes back worse than before, so you get two bottles of Drano. And the clog will come roaring back, so you get even more bottles of Drano. It stops working but you can’t stop using it. It’s designed to get you hooked on it. You end up a Drano user for life.

Critically Rated at 10/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 3, 2013 · 10:32 am

Jaywalking

Jaywalking is when somebody crosses the street recklessly or illegally. Back in the day, jay meant an inexperienced person. So you’re a bad walker if you’re jaywalking. You should work on that. If you go to any major city you will see some asshole running across four lanes of traffic instead of using the crosswalk. Jaywalking is against the law and dangerous. Pedestrians get hit by cars and splattered all the time. I know that jaywalking is a little bit of a thrill, but it’s not worth it. It doesn’t save you that much time and it’s a stupid thing to get a ticket for. You should go to YouTube and watch Russian dash cam videos if you want to see professional jaywalkers in action. Those fuckers are crazy.

Critically Rated at 7/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 2, 2013 · 11:03 am

Screeching Tires

The sound of tires screeching over pavement is like none other, instantly recognizable and totally unique. It’s an uncomfortable sound, like nails going down the chalkboard but with more violent results. It’s the sound of impending doom, chaos, uncertainty, and it makes your skin crawl. You instantly freeze up in anticipation of a violent crash whenever you hear tires screeching. It’s not a happy noise. You’re acutely aware that is the last sound that thousands of people hear right before they die. More times than not, screeching tires just mean that a car is slowing down. But every once in a while it’s the sound that foreshadows a tragedy.

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 2, 2013 · 11:00 am

Double Bastard Ale

Double Bastard Ale is the older brother to Stone Brewing’s Arrogant Bastard Ale. It’s an American Strong Ale with a hearty 11.2% ABV. Long story short, it gets you drunk. It smells of coffee, chocolate, pine, bourbon, and toasted malt. It’s very bitter on the tongue. Like shockingly bitter. You should take a deep breath and mentally prepare yourself before you take your first swig. It’s almost like biting into a lemon. You can taste pine and citrus hops, caramel and coffee malts, and dark fruits. My one complaint is that it’s almost too boozy. It tastes too much like alcohol on the first couple of sips. It settles down eventually though, and each sip seems to get better. This is a genuine craft beer, full of flavor and personality. But I still think Arrogant Bastard is a little better.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 1, 2013 · 11:08 am

Paul Walker

            Paul Walker died. He’s the guy from The Fast & The Furious. He died in a car accident. Go figure. He was like a younger and blonder version of Keanu Reeves, but with less talent. His best movies were always the ones that you didn’t notice him in. I feel like I have somewhat of a connection with him. I once created a custom-made T-shirt on a website a few years ago. It was all black with silver letters that spelled out “Paul Walker Sucks.” It was one of my favorite party shirts because it always got a conversation going. But now I don’t think I can wear that shirt anymore. I was only making fun of his acting ability. I never wished death upon him. I only wished that he would stop acting forever. I didn’t mean for it to be like this. Now I feel kind of responsible. I know it wasn’t my fault. It was that fucking tree’s fault. Paul Walker – Rest in Peace, and I know you and Sonny Bono are having one hell of a conversation in Heaven. You’re not a good actor, but you’re still a good person and you will be missed.

            Critically Rated at 7/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 1, 2013 · 11:02 am

December

December in the twelfth and final month of the calendar. It’s most famous for being the home of Christmas. Sorry to all you heathens, but you know it’s true. December is kind of a depressing month because you realize that the year is almost over. It is literally the darkest month of the year. It has the least amount of daylight of all the months in the Northern Hemisphere. The weather is the opposite in the Southern Hemisphere, so it’s Australian summertime. Those crazy Aussies have more daylight in December than any other month. December was originally the tenth month of the year. “Decem” means tenth in Latin. I guess they were too lazy to look up the Latin word for twelfth. It’s “dodeca.” December should really be called Dodecaber or Dodecber or something like that.  No wonder Latin is a dead language.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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