Monthly Archives: March 2012

March 6, 2012 · 11:05 am

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (book)

Harry, Ron, and Hermione are back at Hogwarts for their sixth year, and the sixth book is the darkest one yet. Voldemort is steadily gaining power, and even the Muggle world is starting to be effected by him. The war is coming, and Dumbledore knows isn’t going to be around much longer, so he starts to prepare Harry for what lies ahead.

Voldemort is still the main antagonist, but he isn’t physically present in this installment, he only appears in flashbacks in the Pensieve. Dumbledore and Harry explore memories that people have of Voldemort in order to gain insight as to defeat him. Dumbledore’s theory is that Voldemort has been creating Horcruxes to cheat death. Harry must figure out what items Voldy used to create the Horcruxes and he must find a way to destroy them.

Professor Horace Slughorn is a fun new character. Dumbledore convinces him to come out of retirement and resume his old position as the Potions teacher. Slughorn is the Head of Slytherin House. He has all the attributes of a typical Slytherin: he is a cunning, ambitious leader who enjoys power. He collects students that have potential, and uses his contacts from the “Slug Club” to improve his own status in life. He is a little bigoted, but he still can see past one’s blood status. Most Slug Club members are pure blood, but Lily and Hermione were still recruited, and Lily was his favorite student.

There isn’t as much of a mystery plot in this story. They spend some time trying to figure out what Malfoy is up to, and they also try to discover who the Half-Blood Prince is. A lot of time is dedicated to showing student life at Hogwarts. Ron gets a girlfriend and Hermione gets jealous and they have stop hanging out for a while. Harry develops feeling for Ginny and is torn between his heart and loyalty to his best friend. It seems like J.K. Rowling is setting everything up for the final book.

SPOILER ALERT: So Dumbledore dies at the end of this one. And now Harry is in control of his fate, he doesn’t have anyone to guide him anymore.  He doesn’t have Sirius or Dumbledore to ask advice. He’s not alone, he still has Ron and Hermione, but he knows that it is time to face Voldemort.

You find out at the end that Snape is the Half-Blood Prince. The book is basically called Harry Potter and Snape. J.K. does a tremendous job handling Snape’s moral ambiguity. You can never tell if he is good or evil, or which side he is on. The final reveal of his character in the Deathly Hallows would not have worked without his depiction in this book.

This book is much slower than the previous entries to the series. It’s more reflective and a character study than an exciting book about a wizard war. It’s the calm before the storm. A very important step before all Hell breaks loose.

Critically Rated at 13/17

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March 5, 2012 · 8:54 am

Mambas

Mambas are little fruity chewy candies, similar to Starbursts. They are rectangular and grouped together by flavor. There are four flavors: raspberry, orange, lemon and strawberry. The catch is that there are only 3 different flavors in each pack, so its always a gamble that you wont get your favorite flavor. I guess that’s half the fun. It’s like candy for compulsive gamblers. If you like Starbursts or fruity candy in general, you would like Mamba. I wouldn’t lie to you about something as trivial as this. Just try them. Don’t make a scene.

Critically Rated at 14/17

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March 5, 2012 · 8:52 am

Eastbound & Down

Danny McBride is Kenny Fucking Powers, a washed up major league pitcher. He had it all and lost it all. He is brash, arrogant, and hilarious. He has a lot of talent but no work ethic, and blames everyone else but himself for his problems. He’s the jock who never grew up.

The first season is about Kenny moving into his brother’s house and working as a gym teacher. He’s hit rock bottom and knows it. He tries to adjust and rekindle a relationship with an ex-girlfriend who is also working at the school. But April is also engaged to the principal. You gotta have a love triangle or there’s no drama, right? Kenny’s old acquaintance/new assistant Stevie helps Kenny on his mission to get back to the majors.

Season 2 finds Kenny in Mexico. He is even more lost and pathetic than he was in the first season. He is trying to forget about his old life, but he can’t forget about April and the lure of pitching in the big leagues. Stevie shows up to help him get back on track, again. In Season 3 Kenny is Myrtle Beach and pitching for a minor league team. April runs off and leaves Kenny with their baby, and hijinks ensue.

Kenny is rude and selfish, but you still want him to succeed. He wasted his talent, but at least he tries to redeem himself. He’s a selfish dick and embraces it, which makes him likeable somehow. HBO lets him get away with everything, so there tons of swearing and nudity. Will Ferrell, Craig Robinson, Gary Cole, and a bunch of other actors make appearances. If you like Judd Apatow movies, you will love this show. It’s hysterically funny, with a little heartfelt drama from time to time, and great characters with great jokes. Danny McBride is awesome.

Critically Rated at 15/17

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March 4, 2012 · 9:41 am

Sundays

Sundays are deceptive. You have the day off, but reality awaits the next morning. Most people don’t have to work on Sundays, but you can’t really do anything too hardcore because tomorrow is Monday and you gotta get back to work. I’m so glad that I don’t live in Utah and shit stays open on Sundays. Sundays mean football, the Simpsons, and quality HBO programming. The worst thing about Sundays is each second brings you closer to the dreaded Monday, and you get mad that it’s not still Saturday.

Critically Rated at  12/17

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March 4, 2012 · 9:36 am

Seinfeld

Seinfeld is the best show of the ‘90s without a doubt. It was a show about nothing, and by doing that, it was about anything. There are so many great moments, characters, lines and episodes. If you don’t like Seinfeld, I don’t like you.

Each character was great. You know you have a solid show when your standup comedian star is the least funny character and is essentially the everyman that the viewer relates to. Jerry Seinfeld stars as himself, a standup comic living in New York City. He hangs out with his best friends George and Elaine and his crazy neighbor Kramer. Seinfeld used to bookend each episode with material from his comedy routines, but that happened less and less as the show progressed. He is a ladies man and always seems to have a smoking hot girlfriend. He is almost the straight man, but is a little too sarcastic.

Julia Louis-Dreyfus plays Elaine Benes, Jerry’s friend and an ex-girlfriend. She is feisty, aggressive and shoves Jerry a lot. She dances like a kicking fool. Michael Richards plays Kramer, the crazy next-door neighbor who always makes a zany entrance. He is a constant mooch, he doesn’t have a steady job, but he seems to be doing alright because he’s Jerry’s neighbor, and Jerry isn’t poor. Jason Alexander plays George Costanza, Jerry’s best friend and a loser. He’s short, bald and neurotic, and one of the best sitcom characters of all time.

Some episodes feel a little dated now, but the majority of them are still relevant, and all of them are funny. This was the water cooler show of the ‘90s, it WAS pop culture. Who can forget the Soup Nazi, man hands, being the “master of your domain”, Junior Mints, the Summer of George, yada yada yada, shrinkage, Bubble Boy, Steinbrenner, Festivus, “these pretzels are making me thirsty”, and J, Peterman? The series finale was not a terrible way to end the show. They brought back dozens of fun characters, and they pointed out how mean-spirited Jerry and his friends were.

Thanks to DVD releases and syndication you can watch all 9 seasons of Seinfeld and be happy. Network television has had a void ever since Jerry decided to walk away. HBO has Curb Your Enthusiasm, and it is very funny and very similar, but there was something comforting about Jerry and the Gang that Larry David is lacking. Some of Curb’s best episodes involve Seinfeld cast members, and the Seinfeld Reunion story arc is amazing and makes you remember what you’re missing. The best TV show of the ‘90s, and the best network sitcom ever.

Critically Rated at 16/17

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March 3, 2012 · 8:48 am

Saturdays

Saturdays are the best day of the week. Saturdays are freedom. They are the summer vacation of your week. There is nothing more liberating than a whole day with no responsibilities. It’s the optimum day of the week to have parties, barbeques, going out on the town or just going crazy. It sucks if you have to work on Saturdays, and I’m in the food service industry so I usually have to. The worst thing in the world is a rainy Saturday. It’s been proven.

Critically Rated at 16/17

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March 3, 2012 · 8:42 am

The Goonies

Richard Donner (Superman, Radio Flyer) directs, Chris Columbus (Home Alone) writes, and Stevie Spielberg (it’s Spielberg, c’mon) produces this classic movie about a group of friends called the Goonies who go on an amazing adventure in search of the fabled fortune of One-Eyed Willie to save their foreclosed homes. A dangerous family of fugitives (the Fratellis) is hot in pursuit of the Goonies. It is a fun adventure movie. It doesn’t try to take itself seriously, which makes it more appealing. This is one of those rare movies that you can watch with your mom or your best friend, and if you have a little baby you’d watch it with him too. You can watch it multiple times, you want to quote it, and you want to share it with other people.

This is one of the few movies with a great cast of child actors. Casting a kid heavy film can make or break a film. This cast is on par with other great kid casts like in The Sandlot and Stand By Me. Sean Astin, Josh Brolin and a few others made the transition to become working adult actors. And Corey Feldman outlived Corey Haim, which is pretty amazing. Jonathan Ke Quan plays Data. A lot of Asians depicted in movies around this time are blatantly racist and are only there for comic relief. This movie came out a year after Pretty in Pink with the super racist caricature Long Duk Dong. In this flick, Data is just one of the Goonies. He has a few lines in Vietnamese and uses broken English occasionally, but they don’t call attention to it, and they don’t make fun of him. There are no stupid stereotypes. Data is Harold wayyyy before he met Kumar.

It is kind of weird how much Mikey grows and changes throughout the movie. He grows so much that he no longer has asthma. I don’t think it works like that. Another weird thing is calling the pirate One-Eyed Willie. It is clearly a penis reference in a movie for kids. Why not call him something more subtle like Mushroom-Tip Johnson or Pocket-Snake Dick? And how come Chunk doesn’t ask his parents if this giant deformed man-baby can live with them? He just tells Sloth he’s going to live with him now.

Weird stuff aside, if you haven’t seen this movie, then you didn’t have a childhood.

Critically Rated at 15/17

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March 2, 2012 · 8:36 am

Fridays

Friday Fun Day. Casual Friday. And TGIF. Fridays man. Sure, you gotta work a little, but you can half ass it, and its ok, cause it’s Friday and they are expecting it.  It’s basically the weekend. Every other Friday is a payday generally, so you have a 50% chance of getting extra money to blow over the weekend. Fridays feel so amazing that they have a restaurant called T.G.I. Fridays so you always have access to that Friday feeling, even on a lame ass Tuesday. A lot of movies come out on Friday. The only possible downsides to Friday: Friday the 13th and Rebecca Black. Even those are growing on me. Fridays are a great day to live. Embrace them and celebrate.

Critically Rated at 15/17

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March 2, 2012 · 8:31 am

Batman: Year One (comic)

Frank Miller’s reimagining of Batman’s origin. Miller’s tale is dark, blunt, and introduces us to Bruce Wayne before he is Batman. David Mazzucchelli’s artwork is clean, sharp and distinct. Together the writing and art present a very interesting and dense story that crams in a lot of references to Batman and the DC universe.

            Miller’s Batman is a little more mellow, and more in line with earlier depictions of Batman as opposed to his Dark Knight Returns and Dark Knight Strikes Again character. He is more relatable. This was written after Dark Knight Returns, so hopefully Miller had a bigger picture in mind when he was writing this. It doesn’t feel like it is in the same timeline.

Bruce Wayne/Batman is the main character, but there is a lot of focus on James Gordon before he becomes Commissioner. Selina Kyle/Catwoman is also featured heavily, as well as a pre-Two-Face Harvey Dent and a cryptic reference to a villain known as the Joker.

This is a good book to start with if you want to see what Batman comics are all about. Frank Miller was amazing back in the day, and this is one of his best stories. It is smart, compelling and fun for newcomers and old fans of Batman. Batman stories are essentially of the detective/mystery genre, so even if you aren’t interested in superheroes it should still appeal to you.

Critically Rated at 14/17

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March 1, 2012 · 9:29 am

That Thing You Do!

Tom Hanks directs this fun movie about the rise and fall of a fictional ‘60s rock band.  A good cast and a soundtrack full of pseudo-sixties hits highlight the film. I imagine the ‘60s were a lot like this, but with way more drugs and hippies.

Tom Everett Scott stars as Guy Patterson, a drummer who joins up with a local group called the Wonders for a talent show gig. He plays the wrong tempo, and their ballad becomes a catchy pop song that takes America by storm. The Wonders get a manager, a recording contract, a new different manager and go on tour. There are lots of parallels to the rise and fall of a little band called the Beatles.

Adam Schlesinger from Fountains of Wayne, known for their song Stacy’s Mom, wrote the title song. It is catchy and gets stuck in your head, but you don’t get annoyed with hearing it fifty times throughout the movie. The majority of the songs heard in the film are written for the movie, but they capture the vibe of the ‘60s music scene.

Johnathon Schaech plays Jimmy, the lead singer of the Wonders. Liv Tyler has a supporting role as Faye, Jimmy’s girlfriend. Ethan Embry plays the unnamed bass player. The underused Steve Zahn plays Lenny the guitar player and provides comic relief.

The movie is fun, lighthearted, and entertaining. The soundtrack is original and nostalgic at the same time. It has a lot of heart and is rewatchable, two important attributes to making a classic movie. A few more years and this will be.

Critically Rated at 13/17

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March 1, 2012 · 9:26 am

Thursdays

Thursdays can be really antsy days. The weekend is so close that Thursdays can drag on forever, especially if the next Friday is payday. Thursday nights are the only night of the week where it is acceptable to watch NBC programming. They are also ideal nights for catching up on what’s on the DVR. If you want to get drunk, hammered, shitfaced, or any combination of those, go ahead and drink. It is acceptable because it is Thirsty Thursday and it is your duty as an American to honor these pseudo-holidays. Thursday is also when I have to bring in the garbage and recycling bins, so if you’ll excuse me, I’ll go do that now.

Critically Rated at 10/17

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