Tag Archives: thursday

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving (or Turkey Day as it’s known on Facebook) is a day for Americans to sit around a table with family and friends and get even fatter. Americans already have more food each day than half the world, but Thanksgiving really lets us show off our gluttony. The average Thanksgiving feast is pretty extravagant: turkey, ham, mashed potatoes and gravy, sweet potatoes, stuffing, green bean casserole, rolls, some sort of salad, cranberries, pumpkin pie, wine for the adults, sparkling cider for the kids, and leftovers for days. There are starving kids in China and we complain about being in a food coma.

Pretending to be thankful is the way that we justify eating a week’s worth of food during one meal. You hold hands and give thanks for the food, for another year together, for a roof over your head, for a new Star Wars trilogy. You’re not really grateful. You take that shit for granted. But that’s ok. We’re Americans. We are supposed to be assholes. That’s why the world hates us. It doesn’t matter though, the turkey tastes delicious.

Thanksgiving is one of the last real holidays. The candy companies and greeting card companies haven’t found a way to exploit it yet. I’m actually thankful for that. Despite my cynicism, Thanksgiving is usually one of my favorite Thursdays of the year.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Thursdays

Thursdays can be really antsy days. The weekend is so close that Thursdays can drag on forever, especially if the next Friday is payday. Thursday nights are the only night of the week where it is acceptable to watch NBC programming. They are also ideal nights for catching up on what’s on the DVR. If you want to get drunk, hammered, shitfaced, or any combination of those, go ahead and drink. It is acceptable because it is Thirsty Thursday and it is your duty as an American to honor these pseudo-holidays. Thursday is also when I have to bring in the garbage and recycling bins, so if you’ll excuse me, I’ll go do that now.

Critically Rated at 10/17

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