I went to the park a few days ago. The weather was kind of shitty so I decided to wear a pair of old shoes from the bottom of my closet instead of my everyday kicks. It had been a while since I had worn them last, so I gave them a good shake before I put them on. It’s a good thing I did that, because a dead spider fell out when I shook them. It freaked the hell out of me. I’m not really scared of spiders but finding a spider in my shoe has always been a minor fear of mine. I’m so glad that it was a dead spider and not a live one. Fuck that. I’m actually kind of surprised that finding spiders in shoes doesn’t happen more often. Spiders like dark remote places and a shoe seems like it would be a nice comfortable cave to inhabit. I mean I would live in a shoe if I was a spider. Spinning a web takes a long time and seems like hard work. I’d rather take up space in a forgotten sneaker. But I’m not a spider in a shoe. I’m a person, a person who doesn’t want spiders in my shoes. And I hope that you never find a spider in your shoe too because I like you. You read my blog. And not many people do, so thank you for that. You definitely deserve spider-free shoes.
Critically Rated at 3/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young