Tag Archives: bathroom

September 25, 2012 · 9:48 am

Breaking the Seal

Be careful about breaking the seal and plan accordingly. One of the biggest mistakes you can make while drinking is breaking the seal too early. It’s all over once you give in to your bladder and take that first drunken pee. Breaking the seal means that every other beer results in a trip to the bathroom. That could lead to disaster when everyone on your team is relying on you to flip that cup or pong that beer and you’re too busy worry about pissing your pants.

Critically Rated at 8/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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August 7, 2012 · 7:54 am

Using the Bathroom After a Girl Takes a Shit

People eat food and as a result they defecate. Guys embrace toilet humor, girls avoid it. Guys are expected to leave the seat up and miss the toilet. We are supposed to fart and take long leisurely shits. Girls are don’t have that privilege, it’s scandalous when they fart in public. I know that they have to shit; I just don’t want to hear about it. Using the bathroom after a girl takes a shit is a terribly dehumanizing experience. Girls are supposed to be flowers and sunshine. Dealing with the aftermath of their explosive poops will make you realize there’s no such thing as perfection. And that stinks (in more ways than one).

Critically Rated at 5/17

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June 17, 2012 · 8:23 am

Out of Toilet Paper

Shit happens. You have to eat food every now and then to keep on living, and one byproduct of eating is having to poop. It happens to the best of us: Jesus, Suzanne Somers, and my cousin Brett have all been known to take a shit. We all do it. And there are few things as bad as realizing that you’re out of toilet paper mid-shit. And it’s always mid-shit too. There is some law of the universe that keeps you from noticing that the roll is empty before you start squatting. You only have a few options for dealing with this situation and none of them will get you laid.

Critically Rated at 4/17

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May 26, 2012 · 9:49 am

Almost Dropping Your Phone in the Toilet

You have an iPhone. Or a spiffy new Droid. Either way, you have a brand new smart phone and you are proud of it. Getting a cool new phone is a part of life. So is going to the bathroom. And sometimes you are casually looking at your phone while you’re taking a piss, and your grip slips and your phone almost slides out of your hand before your catlike and spastic reflexes kick in and snatch it before it plunks into the toilet bowl. Nothing is more frightening than seeing your iPhone’s life flashing before your eyes as it falls towards the urinated abyss at 9.8 m/s2. I don’t believe in the metric system, I just want to stress my point. Saving your phone from a toilet bath makes you feel alive. Your phone got a second chance that it never asked for, and the best way to celebrate is to update your Facebook status and share it with the world.

Critically Rated at 13/17

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