Out of Toilet Paper

Shit happens. You have to eat food every now and then to keep on living, and one byproduct of eating is having to poop. It happens to the best of us: Jesus, Suzanne Somers, and my cousin Brett have all been known to take a shit. We all do it. And there are few things as bad as realizing that you’re out of toilet paper mid-shit. And it’s always mid-shit too. There is some law of the universe that keeps you from noticing that the roll is empty before you start squatting. You only have a few options for dealing with this situation and none of them will get you laid.

Critically Rated at 4/17

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