Tag Archives: sheep

Counting Sheep

You have a big day tomorrow and you need to get a good night’s sleep, but your mind is racing and falling asleep seems impossible. You start thinking about how you can’t sleep, and that stresses you out even more so you become even more restless. That’s when you need to distract yourself and start counting sheep. You imagine a bunch on sheep jumping over a fence one at a time and count how many sheep jump over the fence. It doesn’t matter what’s on the other side of the fence, and you don’t need to know why they are even jumping over the fence in the first place. Just count how many sheep jump over the fence. It will calm you down and you’ll gradually start drifting off to sleep. It might take a while. There have been nights where I’ve counted over two thousand sheep. That’s a lot of lamb chops. But I’ve always fallen asleep eventually. Just keep counting sheep until you run out of them. Nobody is quite sure how tallying livestock cures insomnia, but it really does help.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

 

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Filed under Random Rants

A Vegetarian Who Has Never Eaten Meat

Vegetarians are people who choose not to eat meat. Sometimes they do it for health or personal reasons, or because of religious requirements. I respect vegetarians who made a choice to avoid meat. That takes willpower. However, I can’t respect a vegetarian who has never eaten meat. They never made a choice; they just blindly go along with their upbringing. They are sheep. I can’t respect their opinion. A vegetarian who has never eaten meat is more judgmental and preachy about the dangers of eating meat than a real vegetarian too. They constantly talk about how bad bacon is. They need to shut the fuck up about things that they’ve never experienced. Bacon is fucking amazing. I’ll listen to a recovering alcoholic talk about the dangers of booze, but if some sober guy who has never had a sip of beer tells me to put down the bottle, I’ll throw it at his fucking skull. Being a vegetarian should be a choice, not something you blindly follow from birth. Eat a burger before you bash it.

Critically Rated at 3/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Filed under People I Feel Sorry For