Monthly Archives: September 2013

September 5, 2013 · 3:21 pm

Back Float

Humans are naturally buoyant. Even if you can’t swim, you can still back float. Babies can do it. Grandmas can do it. You can do it. The only person who can’t back float is me. I sink. Don’t get me wrong, I can swim. I can swim pretty damn good too. I’m no Michael Phelps, but I grew up in suburbia with a pool in my backyard and I can hold my own. But I still can’t back float. I can stay afloat for about 5 and a half seconds before my legs start to sink and the rest of my body gets dragged along. I would drown if I was asleep. I just think it’s bullshit that everyone else in the world is capable of doing something that I can’t do. I want to be able to float on my back and drift wherever the current takes me, without a care in the world. Don’t take your back floating abilities for granted.

Critically Rated at 7/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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September 4, 2013 · 8:09 pm

Turning Off Your Computer

I have a laptop and I never turn it off. It’s a customized 2011 MacBook Pro and I live with it. If I’m at home, it’s on. I close it when I go to sleep, I open it when I wake up, I close it when I leave the house, and I open it when I come back home. I update it, I let it sleep and rest, but I hardly ever turn it off. And I’ve never had any problems with it. Turning off your computer is like shutting off your gateway to the outside world. You are cut off from reality, from the now. My laptop is a few seconds away from a global connection at any given point. If the zombie apocalypse started tomorrow, I would be among the first to know. Everyone else is walker food. The only reason why I’m writing this is because I’m about to shut it down for a few days while I’m on vacation. I can only hope that it will reactivate when I try to turn it on when I come home. If not, my laptop will become an extremely elaborate paperweight. You get what you paid for, and I paid for a lot.

Critically Rated at 8/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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September 4, 2013 · 5:15 pm

Stone Espresso Imperial Russian Stout

Espresso Imperial Russian Stout is a limited release ale from Stone Brewing Co. It’s brewed with real espresso and it tastes like something you could order from the local coffee shop. It has a rich coffee aroma, with a roasted coffee taste with hints of caramel and bittersweet dark chocolate. The espresso really comes out in the aftertaste and lingers on your taste buds longer than the other flavors. It’s a very smooth and solid stout, and it’s very drinkable for a beer with such a high alcohol content. 11% alcohol by volume is nothing to scoff at, and a pint is enough to make you feel sleepy. This isn’t a beer that you drink at a party. This is a beer that you drink when you’re staying in and catching up on TV shows. It makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside, like you’re bundled up in a blanket made of beer and happiness. Stone Brewing has a reputation for quality craft beers, and Espresso Imperial Stout is one of the reasons why.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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September 3, 2013 · 5:12 pm

Walking Around Naked Just Because You Can

I’m not a nudist but sometimes I pretend to be. If my roommates are gone and I’m home alone, I’ll walk from my bedroom to the bathroom and back again while completely in the buff. It’s easier and more fun than putting on pants. Walking around naked just because you can is a liberating feeling. You deserve to be comfortable and clothes are so restricting. Just avoid walking by open windows and going outside to get the mail. Nobody wants to see your flaccid wiener. And it’s creepy if they do. Nudity is nothing to be ashamed of, but a flaccid wiener is. It’s not that impressive. I’m a grower, not a shower. Don’t judge me.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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September 3, 2013 · 5:10 pm

Mint M&M’s

Sometimes you want a mint. Sometimes you want some chocolate. And sometimes you don’t want it to melt in your hands. That’s when you need to get Mint M&M’s. Look for the teal/sea foam colored package with the Sexy Green M&M on the label. It’s kind of creepy that a cartoon candy spokeswoman can be so seductive, but who am I to judge those advertising geniuses? Mint M&M’s are made from dark chocolate as opposed to milk chocolate like most M&M’s. The result is a rich chocolaty taste with a sharp mint sting. The Mint M&Ms come in two colors: green and light green. They taste the exact same. I can’t eat a whole pack in one sitting. They get boring and bland after a few bites, so I share to get rid of them and let people think I’m being generous. Then they share their candy with me when I don’t have any. It’s the perfect crime.

Critically Rated at 10/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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September 2, 2013 · 5:07 pm

Accidently Friending the Wrong Person on Facebook

Facebook likes to make friend recommendations. Most of the time it’s somebody that you know. Sometimes it’s someone that you would rather not know. Sometimes it’s a complete stranger that shares a few mutual friends with you and you think that you know them, so you send them a friend request. And then you realize that you made a mistake and you have no clue who this person is. A few weeks ago, Facebook recommended that I request to be David’s friend. I assumed it was my coworker named David. It wasn’t that David. It was a different David. I deleted him, but the damage was already done. My Facebook reputation was tarnished. Accidently friending the wrong person on Facebook makes you feel stupid. You feel duped. You feel like you should know this person but you don’t, so you have failed. But rest assured, it’s not your fault. It’s Facebook’s fault. They should know that you don’t want to be friends with your friend’s grandma just because you both like the same status. That’s not how friendships are formed. Friendships are based on actual interactions, not electronic ones.

Critically Rated at 6/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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September 2, 2013 · 5:05 pm

Haribo Happy Cola Gummi Candy

Haribo is a popular candy brand that is primarily known for their gummi candies. They make bears, worms, sharks, and various other types of gummi, like Happy Cola. Happy Cola gummies are gummies that are shaped like little soda bottles that taste kind of like cola. There are two main ways to eat them: you either bite off the top and work your way down, or you pop the whole thing into your mouth. Gummies are an interactive candy. They bend, they move, and they are fun to play with. You use your imagination to eat them. There are a lot of better tasting candies out there, but nobody refuses a gummi, especially one that’s shaped like a Coke bottle.

Critically Rated at 11/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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September 1, 2013 · 2:30 pm

Marvel 1602: Fantastick Four (comic)

Marvel 1602: Fantastick Four is the second sequel to Neil Gaiman’s Marvel 1602. Imagine all your favorite Marvel characters going to a Renaissance Fair and that’s what this storyline is like. The characters have the same powers and personality traits, but they dress and talk like they are in a Shakespearean play. And they kind of are. Otto Von Doom has captured William Shakespeare and it’s up to the Fantastick Four to rescue him and to find out what Von Doom is up to.

Writer Peter David delivers an interesting and intriguing story, but he’s no Neil Gaiman. Gaiman creates complex and nuanced stories… Peter David is clearly trying to copy Gaiman’s style, but it’s hard to emulate a genius and the story falls short of expectations. Pascal Alixe’s artwork is impressive and helps to redeem the weak story. That’s one of the cool things about comics. It doesn’t matter how shitty the story is if it still looks good. You don’t have to read to appreciate art. All in all, it’s a so-so story that’s made better by good artwork and by putting modern characters in a historical setting. You should read it if it sounds interesting to you at all, but it’s not worth buying it.

Critically Rated at 11/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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September 1, 2013 · 2:27 pm

Coco Café Vanilla

Coco Café Vanilla is a blend of all natural coconut water, reduced fat milk & espresso with a taste of vanilla for hydration and caffeination. It’s gluten free, it’s best served chilled, and you need to shake it before you drink or it will get all lumpy and clumpy and gross at the bottom. It was so lumpy that I had to check the expiration date to make sure it wasn’t expired. So shake it hard, like it’s a baby that won’t stop crying. It tastes like drinking an iced coffee from a coconut. I’ve never actually experienced an iced coffee in a coconut, but I imagine it would taste like this. It has a rich coffee flavor with hints of vanilla, but the taste is slightly skewed by the coconut water. It’s an acquired taste, it takes a few sips to decide if you like it or not. I am completely on the fence about this one though. I don’t really like it, but I don’t dislike it either. It’s not good, it’s not bad, it’s just different. I don’t think I would buy this particular flavor again, but I’d be willing to try other Coco Café flavors.

Critically Rated at 10/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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