Tag Archives: pen

Ink On Your Hands

I’m a server for a living and I rely on pens to do my job. I use them to write down orders and give them to customers for signing credit card slips. Pens are an essential part of my life. I rely on them. And sometimes they betray me. Sometimes I go to pull a pen out of my apron and I look down to discover with dismay that my hands are covered in ink. It doesn’t happen too often, but it happens more than I would like. Getting ink on your hands sucks. Your hands are stained blue or black and you know that everyone notices. You have to wash your hands as quickly and thoroughly as possible. You don’t want to be that guy with ink hands all day. Ink is not easy to get off either. You have to scrub it until your hands get raw. And people will see you compulsively washing your hands and ask you why you’re doing that. And you’ll have to say it’s because you got ink on your hands. They will laugh at you, pretend to sympathize, and walk away chuckling about your mishap. They are right to mock you. Their hands are clean and yours have ink all over them. You should feel lousy.

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Not Bringing a Pen Job Hunting

It’s currently hiring season at my restaurant, so we’ve been seeing a lot of job hunters coming in and filling out applications. Most people come prepared. They’ll be wearing nice clothes and have their résumé handy. But if they don’t have a pen, they aren’t getting hired. Not bringing a pen while job hunting is one of the biggest mistakes you can make. It means you’re not serious about getting a job. It means you’re not responsible. It means you’re not getting hired. I would say that about 30% of the job seekers who come into my restaurant don’t bring a pen and ask to borrow one. We usually give them a crayon or a marker to fill out the application so it’s obvious that they were unprepared. Occasionally we hand them a pen and let them fill everything while we inform the managers that they didn’t bring a pen. We will let them do the paperwork for fifteen minutes just to waste their time. No pen, no job. It’s as simple as that.

Critically Rated at 3/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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A Leaking Pen

You’re on the phone with the cable company and you need to jot down a number real quick, so you grab a pen and scribble it down. You don’t think anything of it until a few minutes later when you finally realize that you have ink all over your hands. The thick black ink stains your hands and taints everything that you touch. It’s kind of like getting tarred and feathered without the feathers. I’m a server and carry around five pens in my apron. Every once in a while I’ll notice that one of my pens is broken, but it’s not clear which one is defective. I have to inspect each pen to find the leaking one. But I never throw it away, I just offer it to another server so that I’m not the only one covered in ink. The best part is that they think I did them a favor by giving them a free pen.

Critically Rated at 10/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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A Pen With No Ink

On the odd occasion that you need to write something down, you’ll grab a piece of paper and a writing utensil, either a pencil or a pen. You have to sharpen pencils, but pens are always good to go. For the most part. Sometimes they fool you and don’t have any ink. I hate being tricked and I especially don’t like getting beaten by a pen. A pen with no ink is beyond useless. It’s just a hollow plastic tube now. MacGyver wouldn’t even be able to do anything with it.

Critically Rated at 1/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Pen Cap

Pen caps are practical pieces of plastic. They keep your pen from getting ink everywhere and drying out. They keep you from accidently stabbing yourself with a ballpoint tip. They have a handy little clip that keeps your pen secure in your pocket or binder. It’s a great example of human ingenuity. They are useful as long as they are with their pen counterpart. A pen is still functional without a cap, you can still write without the cap. But a pen cap without a pen is pathetic and useless and slightly… like the expired condom in my wallet.

Critically Rated at 6/17

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