Tag Archives: wash your hands

Ink On Your Hands

I’m a server for a living and I rely on pens to do my job. I use them to write down orders and give them to customers for signing credit card slips. Pens are an essential part of my life. I rely on them. And sometimes they betray me. Sometimes I go to pull a pen out of my apron and I look down to discover with dismay that my hands are covered in ink. It doesn’t happen too often, but it happens more than I would like. Getting ink on your hands sucks. Your hands are stained blue or black and you know that everyone notices. You have to wash your hands as quickly and thoroughly as possible. You don’t want to be that guy with ink hands all day. Ink is not easy to get off either. You have to scrub it until your hands get raw. And people will see you compulsively washing your hands and ask you why you’re doing that. And you’ll have to say it’s because you got ink on your hands. They will laugh at you, pretend to sympathize, and walk away chuckling about your mishap. They are right to mock you. Their hands are clean and yours have ink all over them. You should feel lousy.

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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At Least Pretend to Wash Your Hands

I was using the urinal in the men’s room the other day when I heard a toilet flush, and I saw a guy come out of the stall adjusting his belt. He had clearly just taken a shit. He walked over to the bathroom mirror, checked his hair, and walked out of the bathroom without washing his hands. My mind was blown. You should always wash your hands after you use a public bathroom. Especially if there are other people in the bathroom. At least pretend to wash your hands. You want other people to think that you are normal, right? Normal people don’t walk around with poopy hands, and even if they did, they wouldn’t advertise it. You’re supposed to wash your hands, or at the very least have other people think that you did. That’s how the world works.

Critically Rated at 9/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Filed under Random Rants