Tag Archives: clip

May 11, 2015 · 6:34 pm

Neglecting Your Toenails

I clipped my toenails the other night for the first time in a few weeks. I put off cutting them for a lot longer than I should have. They were starting to look like little claws. I could hear them clacking on the hardwood floor whenever I walked around the house barefoot. They would dig into my socks and hook together like Velcro. It was not a pretty sight and it was not a good feeling. Neglecting your toenails is easy to do because your feet are hardly seen (especially if you’re a guy in cold city like San Francisco). I wake up, shower, get dressed, put on some socks, put on some shoes, and head out the door. I come home ten to twelve hours later usually. Then I crack open a beer, turn on the TV, and relax. Relaxing doesn’t typically include clipping my toenails. So they get long. I don’t mean for it to happen. It just does. Don’t insult my neglected toenails. I will scratch you with them.

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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November 14, 2014 · 6:15 pm

Clipping Your Nails in Public

Clipping your nails in public is one of the worst things a human being can do. It’s beyond disgusting. That kind of shit should only take place behind closed doors. Hygiene is important, but nobody wants to see you wipe your ass, nobody wants to see you using a Q-tip, and nobody wants to get one of your nail clippings in their eye. Oh, and don’t even get me started on the sound. That unique click-clack clipping sound causes cringes down my spine. I’ve seen old ladies clipping their nails on the bus. I’ve also yelled at old ladies to stop clipping their nails on the bus. I don’t understand how they think it’s ok to do that. I know I’m supposed to respect my elders, but I can’t respect them if they don’t have any sense of decency. It boggles my mind to know that some people can go through life oblivious to other people. It’s called courtesy. I just wish it was more common.

Critically Rated at 4/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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January 27, 2013 · 10:00 am

Paper Clips

Paper clips aren’t just office supplies, they are one of the most versatile tools that man has at his disposal. Sure, they clip paper together nicely, but you can use them for so many more things. You can clip other things together, like money and other paper clips. You can straighten them out and poke things. You can bend them into different shapes for arts and crafts projects or picking locks. Stoners prefer them over Swiss Army knives because you can scrape a bowl clean, unclog it when it’s not hitting, and use it to help pack joints. Paper clips even guide you through Microsoft Word. Fucking Clippy. I hated him so much. He set paper clips back ten years. They’re only now starting to make a comeback.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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August 16, 2012 · 10:05 am

Clipping Your Nails Too Short

You can either bite your nails or clip them to keep them short and maintained. Biting is messy and people judge you if they see you doing it, so it’s better to use nail clippers to trim them. Just be carful you don’t get carried away. Clipping your nails too short can hurt and feel uncomfortable, especially on your toes because you have to wear socks and shoes. It feels like someone is stepping on your toes all day long. And nails take forever to grow, so sometimes it sucks for a while. Clipping nails is like drinking, you have to know your limit or you’ll regret it the next day.

Critically Rated at 7/17

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