Tag Archives: cake

Cutting the Cake

So it’s your birthday and it looks like someone bought you a cake. It says “Happy Birthday,” it has your name on it, and it has more candles than you would like to see on it. You think of a wish, you blow out all the candles, then you pluck out the candles and lick the frosting off of them, and then it’s time to cut the cake. Cutting the cake is the least fun part of the cake experience. It’s actually work. You have to cut a slice, plop it on a plate, and hand it to somebody. Then you cut another slice, plop it on a plate, and hand it to somebody else. Then you cut another piece, plop it on a plate, and hand it to another person, but that person doesn’t want too much frosting so you have to cut another piece with less frosting and you serve them that. And then somebody else wants a corner slice. And somebody else only wants half a slice. And somebody else wants a slice with blue frosting. You’re over it after cutting five or six slices. Everybody’s too demanding and nobody is satisfied. Let them cut their own fucking piece. It’s your birthday; you shouldn’t have to do anything.

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Youngcakecutting7a

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Ice Cream Cake

Cake is good but it also causes a lot of debate about which type of cake is the best. Some people like the classics like carrot cake or cheesecake, while others prefer red velvet or Tiramisu. There are a lot of cakes out there. There are a lot of options. But nothing beats ice cream cake. As soon as people start the next cake debate, all you have to do is mention ice cream cake and everyone will shut up in agreement. Ice cream cake is the ultimate dessert. It is just what it sounds like: cake made out of ice cream. It combines two of the best desserts of all time into one holy super dessert. Ice cream cake is a rare treat. You only see it on special occasions, like a going away party or for a Bar Mitzvah. I wish that wasn’t the case. I wish everyday was another day for ice cream cake. I think the world would be a better place.

Critically Rated at 17/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Filed under Snacks