Monthly Archives: January 2016

January 5, 2016 · 8:35 pm

Sour Gummies in the Freezer 

 I bought a packet of sour gummy worms today. I put them in the freezer. Why? Because they taste better cold. Everybody knows that putting chocolate bars in the freezer is a good idea. Fewer people are aware that putting sour gummies in the freezer is another way to satisfy the fat kid that lives inside of you. I suppose you could substitute regular gummies, but sour gummies are so much better. They have way more sugar. So the next time you have sour gummies and access to a freezer, I suggest you put those sour gummies in the freezer for a few hours and see how right I am. I didn’t invent storing sour gummies in the freezer, I’m simply a fan of the practice and want to spread the word. 

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young 

  

Leave a comment

Filed under Snacks

Tagged as , , , , ,

January 4, 2016 · 7:17 pm

Dog Sitting 

 Dog sitting is when you take care of someone else’s dog for an extended period of time. You feed it, you give it water, you take it for walks, you pick up its shit when it shits. I’m writing about dog sitting because I’m currently dog sitting for my sister while she’s out of town. She has a Boston Terrier. He’s a few years old but still thinks he’s a puppy. He won’t stop playing. He likes to play fetch. He used to be pretty good at it but he’s getting older and has a cataract forming on one eye so his coordination isn’t quite there anymore. He still plays fetch like a canine with OCD. His favorite thing to fetch is an orange rubber ball and I can’t watch TV without having to throw it for him. The ball gets all slimy from his saliva and then it picks up loose hair so it doesn’t take long for me to be touching a moist hairball every thirty seconds. Every now and then the ball will get stuck under a cabinet or couch and he will start to whine and cry until I find it and get it out for him. If I try to eat or use my iPad he will start to whine and cry until I play with him again. This simple blog post took twice as long to write as it normally does because I have to stop what I’m doing every few words to appease the little brat. He’s lucky that he’s a cute motherfucker.

 Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young 

  

Leave a comment

Filed under Random Rants

Tagged as , , ,

January 3, 2016 · 2:26 pm

Eating Popcorn With Your Tongue

 As a kid I had the habit of grabbing a handful of popcorn and using my tongue to snag each morsel like I was a giant lizard. It was the best way to eat popcorn. My hands formed a big bowl and I could eat individual kernels instead of simply stuffing my face. It was a practical solution to a popcorn problem that only a child could have come up with. I applaud everyone else who also discovered lizard licking their popcorn. Eating popcorn with your tongue is easy. Get a handful of popcorn and shoot your tongue out at the popcorn. Your tongue will hit a kernel and stick to it slightly. As soon as your tongue makes contact, retract your tongue. The kernel should end up in your mouth if you did everything correctly. Eat the kernel and repeat the process. Don’t drool. That won’t impress anyone.

 Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young 

  

Leave a comment

Filed under Snacks

Tagged as , , ,

January 2, 2016 · 10:17 pm

In-N-Out

 All California carnivores are forever grateful for a little fast food chain called In-N-Out. In-N-Out is famous for quality burgers made to order with fresh ingredients. They have a real simple menu. You can get a hamburger, a cheeseburger, or a double cheeseburger with lettuce, tomato, and sauce. They have fries, shakes, and sodas. They have a hidden menu for a more customized experience. You can get a Protein style burger, which is a burger with a lettuce wrap in lieu of a bun. Animal style is more exciting. The patty is cooked in mustard and your burger comes with extra sauce and added pickles and grilled onions.You can also get your fries Animal style. That adds two slices of cheese, grilled onions, and sauce. Don’t forget to add chili peppers for even more flavor. Unfortunately there’s still no bacon, no matter how hard you try.

 In-N-Out is mostly a California chain, but the company has since expanded into Oregon, Arizona, Utah, Nevada, and even Texas. I did a little Wikipedia search and discovered that the family owns it has had a lot of tragedies. Rich Snyder became president when his father died, and he successfully expanded the company until died in a plane crash. Guy Snyder took over until he died by overdosing on painkillers. I don’t think any other Snyder has died in dramatic fashion since, but I will keep you updated. 

 In-N-Out is categorized as fast food. It’s really not. It’s very popular and it’s not uncommon to see a line out the door. It can take fifteen minutes to half an hour to get your food. The name is slightly misleading. They should call it In-N-Wait. Snap. Burn. It’s still worth waiting for. It’s fucking delicious, especially when you’ve been craving it for a while. 

 Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young 

  

Leave a comment

Filed under Snacks

Tagged as , , , , ,

January 1, 2016 · 10:12 pm

Happy New Year!

It’s 2016 now. 2015 is over and done with. It’s a new year, a fresh start, and you should take advantage of it. Do things you’ve thought about doing. Go places you’ve thought about going. Talk to people you thought about talking to. Eat things you’ve thought about eating. Drink things you’ve thought about drinking. Watch stuff on Netflix that you thought about watching. Trying things you’ve thought about trying (that sounds similar to doing things you’ve thought about doing, but there’s a difference. Just ask Yoda). Shit or get off the pot. We could all get wiped out by an asteroid or you could get hit by a bus at any second, so get rid of any lingering regrets while you have time to do it. Life is precious but not guaranteed. I’m not trying to be a bitter Betty, I’m trying to motivate you à la Shia LaBeouf. I mean it when I say “Happy New Year!”… I want your new year to be happy.

Critically Rated at 16/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

  

Leave a comment

Filed under Random Rants

Tagged as , ,