Don’t Talk With Your Mouth Full

Don’t talk with your mouth full. “But why not?” you ask, with food dribbling down the side of your face. Because it’s gross and because you’re not a fucking five-year-old. I don’t want to hear you chewing and chomping and smacking your lips as we make idle conversation. And I don’t appreciate the specks of your chewed food splattering on my face. It’s bad enough I have to listen to you talk, but this is really pushing it. Chew with your mouth closed. It’s common sense and it’s common courtesy. You should masturbate behind a closed door, and you should masticate behind a closed mouth. Nobody wants to see what’s going on in there. Close your mouth, swallow your food, and then you can join the conversation.

Critically Rated at 4/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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