You’re not a real nerd if you’ve never wished that lightsabers were real. They are the ultimate badass sci-fi weapon. It’s a fucking sword made of laserbeams! It can slice through almost anything except for another lightsaber. Which brings me to my next point: Everybody always wants one lightsaber and that’s stupid. You need two lightsabers. Half the fun in lightsabers is hearing the sound of them clashing together, and you have Ben Burtt to thank for that. He’s the sound designer who created the distinctive humming and menacing crackling sound effects that made the lightsabers seem real. They look badass but they sound even cooler. No Star Wars movie is complete without a lightsaber battle, and no childhood is complete without a mock lightsaber battle. I could nerd out and tell you all about the mythology of the Jedi’s preferred weapon, but I think you should explore Wookieepedia for yourself.
Critically Rated at 17/17
Written, Rated and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young
Luke Skywalker and his friends are back in the conclusion to the original trilogy. Lawrence Kasdan and George Lucas wrote the screenplay and Richard Marquand directs. This was the last good Star Wars movie, even though the second half of the film kind of sucks. I blame the Ewoks. It’s pretty obvious they were just included to sell toys and appeal to kids. They are the Jar Jar Binks of the original trilogy, only without being blatantly racist and overly annoying.
The film opens with the dramatic rescue of Han Solo from Jabba the Hutt, where Luke must use his Jedi skills to beat the bad guys and save his friends. There are quite a few iconic moments and characters in this part. There’s the Rancor, the Sarlacc, Jabba the Hutt, green pig guards, and Princess Leia in a gold bikini. It’s one of the best sequences in sci-fi cinema. Princess Leia in a gold bikini. Just reflect on that for a moment.
The Rebel Alliance finds out that the Empire is building a new Death Star and that the Emperor himself is going to oversee the final preparations. The Rebels decide that this is their time to strike. They hatch a plan to destroy the shield generator on the forest moon of Endor, which will allow their star fleet to blow up the Death Star. But they don’t know that it’s a trap. It’s just one part of the Emperor’s plan to convert Luke to the Dark Side of the Force.
While Han, Leia, Chewy and the gay robots are busy playing with teddy bears, Lando is leading the aerial assault on the Empire, and Luke is dealing with his Darth Vader daddy issues. Needless to say, all the conflicts get resolved, most of the loose ends are tied up, and the story ends with our heroes celebrating their victory.
It’s a pretty satisfying ending to the original trilogy. It’s not as good as A New Hope or The Empire Strikes Back, but it’s a million times better than the prequel trilogy. George Lucas keeps on tweaking this movie and now Hayden Christensen is in it at the end. I wish I still had a VCR so I could watch the real movie again.
Critically Rated at 12/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young