You’re not a real nerd if you’ve never wished that lightsabers were real. They are the ultimate badass sci-fi weapon. It’s a fucking sword made of laserbeams! It can slice through almost anything except for another lightsaber. Which brings me to my next point: Everybody always wants one lightsaber and that’s stupid. You need two lightsabers. Half the fun in lightsabers is hearing the sound of them clashing together, and you have Ben Burtt to thank for that. He’s the sound designer who created the distinctive humming and menacing crackling sound effects that made the lightsabers seem real. They look badass but they sound even cooler. No Star Wars movie is complete without a lightsaber battle, and no childhood is complete without a mock lightsaber battle. I could nerd out and tell you all about the mythology of the Jedi’s preferred weapon, but I think you should explore Wookieepedia for yourself.
Critically Rated at 17/17
Written, Rated and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young
Star Wars is one of the best movies of all time. It might have been officially renamed Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope, but it will always be Star Wars. George Lucas was a genius once, and this was his directorial highlight. Some people will say Empire Strikes Back is better, and I will tell them that Irvin Kershner directed Episode V, and that maybe they should shut the fuck up and let the real nerds talk about Star Wars.
There are three types of people in the world. People who have seen Star Wars and love it, people who have seen Star Wars and hate it, and people who have never seen Star Wars. The people who either love or hate Star Wars can agree on one thing: you are a freak if you haven’t seen Star Wars. I don’t even know how it’s possible to have not seen Star Wars at this point. It practically is pop culture.
Even if you haven’t seen Star Wars you know that Luke Skywalker has some sort of beef with Darth Vader. You know that Han Solo has a man-dog friend named Chewbacca. And you know that Princess Leia has cinnamon buns for hair. You also know the basic plot: a boy must grow up and face his destiny and embarks on the classic hero’s quest. There’s the everyman, the rogue shifty ally, the damsel in distress, the old wizard/mentor, and the villain with a powerful weapon. There are swords, knights, honor/chivalry, and space ships, robots, and aliens. And don’t forget about the fucking lightsabers, bro.
Star Wars was supposed to be a flop. The idea was so ambitious and the technology was so limited, it didn’t seem like it could possibly be a success. But the story and characters resonated with the audience. John Williams created music as iconic as the visuals on the screen. The world was changed. This was the first true sci-fi blockbuster. Movies are supposed to be an escape. Star Wars took you to a whole new universe and the movie stays with you long after you see it. Some people devote their lives to Star Wars. I can’t blame them because reality bites but Star Wars is awesome.
Critically Rated at 16/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young