Tag Archives: escalator

Broken Escalator

I was going into the subway the other day when I saw a woman approaching the escalator. It wasn’t moving. She saw that it wasn’t working and  then she went out of her way to take the stairs instead. I couldn’t help but laugh at her. She recognized that the escalator was broken but opted to take the stairs, completely unaware that broken escalators are stairs. I don’t get it. Broken escalators look exactly like stairs. Yet I could see her entire thought process unfold in front of me: Damn, the escalator is out of commission. Better take the stairs! That’s the only way out of this mess. I know that I’m an asshole because it doesn’t matter what she’s accomplished in her life, she will always be a failure to me. 

Critically Rated at 4/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

Leave a comment

Filed under People I Feel Sorry For, Random Rants

Going the Wrong Way on the Escalator

Conforming is for sheep. That’s why I’ll go the wrong way on the escalator every now and then. I’ll run up the down-moving escalator and run down the up-moving escalator. I’ll do it just to do it. It keeps me in shape and it annoys the hell out of other commuters. Going the wrong way on the escalator is like running in slow motion. You feel like you’re moving fast but everything else slows down.  I imagine that’s how the Flash sees the universe when he’s running at top speed. The last time I went the wrong way on the escalator was when I was in Vegas. That’s the kind of crazy shit I do in Vegas. Something about breaking mundane laws makes you feel like a badass.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

Leave a comment

Filed under Random Rants

Blocking the Escalator

Go to any major city and observe how people move up and down the subway escalators. Both the up and down escalators are divided into two lanes. One lane is for the leisurely and feeble who stand stationary. The other one is the passing lane for the people who have somewhere to be or are impatient. They walk or run up the passing lane. Don’t block the moving lane. If you want to stand, stand on the designated standing side. Blocking the escalator during rush hour could get you killed, especially in New York. Don’t be that idiot blocking the escalator. Take your head out of your ass and pay attention to what everyone else is doing. And get the fuck out of my way.

Critically Rated at 6/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

Leave a comment

Filed under Random Rants

Escalators

Americans are lazy. Escalators are proof of that. We need moving stairs. Elevators make sense. In a skyscraper they are the fastest, most efficient way to move people and cargo to different floors. Handicapped people rely on them. But if you can walk, you can probably walk up stairs. Moving stairs are just a novelty that became a staple in shopping malls.

Department stores and businesses like escalators because they speed up consumer foot traffic. People walking up moving stairs get to the top faster than people walking up stationary stairs. The problem is with people who don’t walk up the escalator. That’s counter productive. They are lazy. And they stand stationary, side-by-side so I can’t get by.

I am always careful to make sure my shoelace doesn’t get sucked into the escalator. That would be a shitty way to go. At least you would become an urban legend… that’s a decent legacy.

 

Sometimes escalators break. And people walk over to them and grumble about how the escalator is broken and now they have to take the stairs. And then they walk over to the stairs. And they walk up the stairs grumbling about how they have to walk up the stairs. And I laugh at them because a broken escalator is stairs. They could have just walked up the broken escalator. But they would rather be stupid and complain. Americans are funny.

Critically Rated at 8/17

Leave a comment

Filed under Random Rants